Reflections
Doing a bit of self-analysis today, I figured that one of the things that pisses me off like no other is the assumption that my time and effort (or any other attribute) is worthless, and therefore other people can, without consultation, assign as much of it as they like to whatever they like whenever they like, either explicitly or implicitly.
Things I'm under contract for, like whatever falls under job duties in the workplace, don't get this reaction, because I was there when the contract was offered and it was my decision to sign up and be paid X amount to do jobs of Y type under Z circumstances.
I'm also less likely to be triggered if someone asks me if I can do something, with no expectation that I will automatically say yes. That way, the decision is mine to make.
Anyone who knows me well, though, knows that I don't like being shanghaied into things, I don't like being micromanaged, I don't like people assuming that I will go somewhere or do something just because it would be convenient for them, and the fastest way to get me to refuse to do something is to tell me I'm going to do it. Unless I was going to anyway, I will simply not do it - or even choose to make it worse - purely to make the point that I am not a free resource, I am not anyone's servant of the moment, and that even if I've agreed to do thing A for a person, that does not automatically grant the person the right to have me do B, C, and Q.
It can be a real shock to people who may have thought I was a doormat simply because most of the time I'm relatively easy-going and don't have a problem adding minor things to my to-do list (as a once-off, anyway) when they don't conflict with anything else on there. Especially confusing is when I'll do something once on their request, but not a second or third time, because while I'm fine with helping someone over a bump, I'm not about to take on board an ongoing resource drain.
(A timescaled version applies to changes in my life. I might be willing to tolerate a situation for a week, or a month, or half a year. But sooner or later, I'm going to put my foot down and say no, this is not acceptable as a permanent solution.)
I'll do it particularly with jobs. The first week or month in a new job is spent noting all the things that are not acceptable. I'll try and gently change or modify them over the next few months, and/or investigate ways they can be altered with the minimum of disruption and ruffled feathers. But eventually, I'm going to be telling people flat out "Either this changes (and here's some ways it could happen), or I walk." If I honestly cannot see any way to satisfactorily and permanently address a problem, and nobody is willing to offer useful suggestions, I'll simply say my goodbyes.
Life is too short to put yourself through hell every day.
Example: the upcoming work Christmas party. It's being organised (in part) by a co-worker who sits fairly close to me. He's decided it's his job to get everyone to come, and that the way to get me to do this is to (a) several times a day, tell me I'm coming, and (b) try and entice me with lists of all the things that he personally is going to find awesome about it - none of which I have the slightest interest in.
I am not a party person. I am not a drinking person. I am not a socialise-with-people-I-work-with person. I do not appreciate loud music unless I'm playing it. I have no breeze to shoot, no fat to chew, and no up to catch. I know that other people have their own tastes, and that's fine, they can do their thing.
Just don't expect me to tag along.
Things I'm under contract for, like whatever falls under job duties in the workplace, don't get this reaction, because I was there when the contract was offered and it was my decision to sign up and be paid X amount to do jobs of Y type under Z circumstances.
I'm also less likely to be triggered if someone asks me if I can do something, with no expectation that I will automatically say yes. That way, the decision is mine to make.
Anyone who knows me well, though, knows that I don't like being shanghaied into things, I don't like being micromanaged, I don't like people assuming that I will go somewhere or do something just because it would be convenient for them, and the fastest way to get me to refuse to do something is to tell me I'm going to do it. Unless I was going to anyway, I will simply not do it - or even choose to make it worse - purely to make the point that I am not a free resource, I am not anyone's servant of the moment, and that even if I've agreed to do thing A for a person, that does not automatically grant the person the right to have me do B, C, and Q.
It can be a real shock to people who may have thought I was a doormat simply because most of the time I'm relatively easy-going and don't have a problem adding minor things to my to-do list (as a once-off, anyway) when they don't conflict with anything else on there. Especially confusing is when I'll do something once on their request, but not a second or third time, because while I'm fine with helping someone over a bump, I'm not about to take on board an ongoing resource drain.
(A timescaled version applies to changes in my life. I might be willing to tolerate a situation for a week, or a month, or half a year. But sooner or later, I'm going to put my foot down and say no, this is not acceptable as a permanent solution.)
I'll do it particularly with jobs. The first week or month in a new job is spent noting all the things that are not acceptable. I'll try and gently change or modify them over the next few months, and/or investigate ways they can be altered with the minimum of disruption and ruffled feathers. But eventually, I'm going to be telling people flat out "Either this changes (and here's some ways it could happen), or I walk." If I honestly cannot see any way to satisfactorily and permanently address a problem, and nobody is willing to offer useful suggestions, I'll simply say my goodbyes.
Life is too short to put yourself through hell every day.
Example: the upcoming work Christmas party. It's being organised (in part) by a co-worker who sits fairly close to me. He's decided it's his job to get everyone to come, and that the way to get me to do this is to (a) several times a day, tell me I'm coming, and (b) try and entice me with lists of all the things that he personally is going to find awesome about it - none of which I have the slightest interest in.
I am not a party person. I am not a drinking person. I am not a socialise-with-people-I-work-with person. I do not appreciate loud music unless I'm playing it. I have no breeze to shoot, no fat to chew, and no up to catch. I know that other people have their own tastes, and that's fine, they can do their thing.
Just don't expect me to tag along.