Special Service
It'd be pretty funny if most stores and offices had a 'special service' where the biggest, scariest person on staff leapt out and shouted "Stop being a f******g dumbass!" at the deserving customer.
"Well, sir/ma'am, although we don't have what you want, we do offer a special service..."
"Well, sir/ma'am, although we don't have what you want, we do offer a special service..."