The holidays have not been happy for me, which is part of the reason I haven't written anything for awhile. I don't want to bring anyone down. I hope that no matter what winter holiday you celebrate (or even if you don't celebrate any) you've been able to have a good time
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Sounds to me like your family is just grasping at straws for excuses to drag their feet about accepting your change -- saying it's not real until it's "legal" is just another form of denial, if you ask me. And yeah, it is also a demonstration of a lack of respect for you. Is this from the family you are living with? Or extended family members you can maybe avoid for a while?
Like I said, it seems like everyone I know is going through more than their share of shit right now. I will cut and paste here something I just wrote to another friend over on dreamwidth about an hour ago, which is kind of the same thing I would say to you - take or leave it as you wish, from someone who's been down pretty low, several times, and lived to tell the tale:
I know that feeling well. That's where I was in that bleak state five years ago that I wrote about in my birthday post. I think one thing I can tell you that DOES make a surprising difference is when the kid(s) are out on their own. It's sad, especially if you have been largely a single mom like you and me, in many ways, it's hard as hell because it's like you are losing your best friend, but it's also such a burden lifted, and a shifting of focus in your life. I think you will be surprised how much things begin to change and resolve for the better once you get to that point, if you can just hang on til then, Phae. It wasn't until both of our kids were out on their own and established that either my hubs or I started to really feel like the rock wasn't pushing us right back downhill all the damn time, and like we were starting to make some headway. You have more time and energy to put into yourself and your own projects, and you can, for the first time in eighteen or twenty years, do it without feeling like you are being selfish or taking time from something else you really should be doing. Plus, it does inevitably make life financially easier at some point.
The other thing I would say is that I have seen that life - at least for me - always seems to have cycles that ebb and flow, long periods of time that are really bad and then something will happen unexpectedly and everything changes, almost overnight sometimes, and things shift into a better mode, a cycle of better times. Of course, the reverse can happen, as well, but the point is, you never know what kind of surprises lie ahead. For example, I had given up on ever meeting anyone or ever marrying againg, after 17 years single, when I met Mr. hg. I never would have thought I would get into powwows, much less anime. You just never know what's going to happen in life, Phae. I think the trick is to not let yourself get beaten down and lose hope, and shut down - to remain open to possibilities and change, and believe change is possible. That's my take on it, at least. *shrugs* Hang in there, my dear. It'll get better.
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I'm living with my mother. I wish I could move out. I don't have anywhere else to go right now. I applied for low-income apartments a few years ago, so hopefully I'll get to the end of their waiting list soon.
Anyway, I know things will get better eventually. I'm taking what steps I can. I'm just sick of being stuck with someone who disrespects me, and unfortunately, there's no easy way out.
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I'm sure that it's frustrating being stuck in the family situation you are in. It's hard on you, plus it's not the best thing for you or your kids to see you being treated with disrespect by your parents. (I think I know the answer to this, but I'll ask anyway) do you think there's a snowball's chance in hell you could ever get your mom in for a visit or two with your therapist, just to have the therapist sort of mediate, and maybe have the therapist also be a "safe" place for your mom to vent, ask questions (the ones she might be too embarrassed to ask you) etc... Even meeting other mothers of trans folks could help, along the same lines. I am a resource for the PFLAG chapter and my daughter's trans group here for that kind of thing, actually. Not that it excuses her treating you disrespectfully at all, but I'm sure she is confused about some things, and feels out of her depth and even fearful about some things (not to mention the old "what will people think" bugaboo.) Having someone for her to talk to about all that might help her be a little less antagonistic towards you.... just a thought... *shrugs*
Sorry your situation is so tough. I'm glad you have such a good attitude, though. It DOES make a difference, for sure, even if it is hard at times to hang on to it. *hugs*
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I wouldn't mind her talking to someone like you. She would probably at least be civil to start with, but I can't guarantee that she'd stay that way, particularly if you challenge her beliefs. I'm just not sure there's anything that can be done. I've complained about the way she treats me several times, but nothing changes. Her mental and emotional well-being are more important than mine.
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