Stuff... it happened again.
Hey, guys. It's been awhile, huh? The kids started school and I kind of disappeared for awhile. It's been a real challenge trying to keep their schedules together, keep my grades up in college, and deal with everything else life has thrown at me. There have been some good things and some bad things. Rich and Jeweliana are doing well in school, but Dustin was having a hard time paying attention. His teacher suggested that he needed another year to mature and I agreed, so we pulled him out of kindergarten. College hasn't been going so well lately either. I got a C in my last class. That's unacceptable. And I'm not just saying that because I'm a stickler for good grades. I know I can do better because I usually do.
Therapy has gone well. I recently got the letter recommending me for HRT. My visit with the doctor didn't go so well. He wasn't off-putting, but I don't think he understood a thing I said. I started off by asking him how he felt about the LGBT community (because I wanted figure out whether or not he'd shun me if I came out). He didn't even know what LGBT stood for. So I asked him how he felt about gay people. He repeatedly insisted that he was 'neutral', which is probably a smart stance to take in a conservative community, but I could tell that he was nervous and that didn't do much for my confidence in him. I mentioned my letter. He didn't want to see it. He said, "We don't do that here."
I wasn't quite prepared for someone who was that... unfamiliar... with the LGBT community. But he was still friendly. He didn't treat me any differently after I'd mentioned it. He went ahead and ordered all the tests I needed and encouraged me to make a return appointment in three months. He even seemed slightly interested when I mentioned my letter (if somewhat confused) and I think he's just afraid to get into something that he's not knowledgeable about. So, I'll try again in three months. Next time I will come in with the name, number, and address of the clinic that agreed to do my HRT, explain that my insurance will cover it if I get a refferal, and then ask my doctor to go ahead and write one up. If he agrees, then great! If not, then I might just go pay for it myself. I'm tired of waiting.
It also depends on how my tests come out. I don't think my blood tests will reveal anything, but you never know. I'm also scheduled for an ultrasound in January because I have been having issues with a certain body part that I am not even supposed to have. It's been doing all sorts of creepy things, like bleeding more than usual, cramping when it's not supposed to, and causing me hellish amounts of pain. I really hope that something is wrong with it so I can just have it removed without having to jump through hoops. I'm sick of popping pain relievers all the time just so I can get through the day. God, how do you women put up with this? I can't understand how anything can bleed so much without dying.
Whatever happens, by February I should either be looking at surgery or starting HRT. It's a drag that I have to wait that long, but it could be worse. I wish they'd at least given me something to deal with the pain though, because OTC stuff doesn't work all that well. When you've got to take 1200 mg of ibprofen in the morning just to numb the pain a little then you know something is wrong. I can never get the pain to go away entirely. The label on the bottle says not to exceed that amount in a day, so I'm afraid to take more because it might cause stomach bleeding. LIKE I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH BLEEDING ALREADY! The last thing I need is for another body part to start spewing out blood.
In general, my health has not been good lately. I've been sick or in pain half of the time for the past few months. I can't say for certain what's causing it. I have gained weight this year and life has been stressful. I'm sure those are contributing factors, but I can't help but wonder if something else is wrong. My immune system has also gotten weaker and some days I just wake up feeling depressed for no apparent reason. I can't even tell if my frequent pain and illnesses are causing my depression, or if my depression is making me ill! I'm having a hard time just taking care of my kids, let alone keeping up with college and going to my appointments with my therapist. But, I'm getting help. Even if it's taking longer than I'd like.
Therapy has gone well. I recently got the letter recommending me for HRT. My visit with the doctor didn't go so well. He wasn't off-putting, but I don't think he understood a thing I said. I started off by asking him how he felt about the LGBT community (because I wanted figure out whether or not he'd shun me if I came out). He didn't even know what LGBT stood for. So I asked him how he felt about gay people. He repeatedly insisted that he was 'neutral', which is probably a smart stance to take in a conservative community, but I could tell that he was nervous and that didn't do much for my confidence in him. I mentioned my letter. He didn't want to see it. He said, "We don't do that here."
I wasn't quite prepared for someone who was that... unfamiliar... with the LGBT community. But he was still friendly. He didn't treat me any differently after I'd mentioned it. He went ahead and ordered all the tests I needed and encouraged me to make a return appointment in three months. He even seemed slightly interested when I mentioned my letter (if somewhat confused) and I think he's just afraid to get into something that he's not knowledgeable about. So, I'll try again in three months. Next time I will come in with the name, number, and address of the clinic that agreed to do my HRT, explain that my insurance will cover it if I get a refferal, and then ask my doctor to go ahead and write one up. If he agrees, then great! If not, then I might just go pay for it myself. I'm tired of waiting.
It also depends on how my tests come out. I don't think my blood tests will reveal anything, but you never know. I'm also scheduled for an ultrasound in January because I have been having issues with a certain body part that I am not even supposed to have. It's been doing all sorts of creepy things, like bleeding more than usual, cramping when it's not supposed to, and causing me hellish amounts of pain. I really hope that something is wrong with it so I can just have it removed without having to jump through hoops. I'm sick of popping pain relievers all the time just so I can get through the day. God, how do you women put up with this? I can't understand how anything can bleed so much without dying.
Whatever happens, by February I should either be looking at surgery or starting HRT. It's a drag that I have to wait that long, but it could be worse. I wish they'd at least given me something to deal with the pain though, because OTC stuff doesn't work all that well. When you've got to take 1200 mg of ibprofen in the morning just to numb the pain a little then you know something is wrong. I can never get the pain to go away entirely. The label on the bottle says not to exceed that amount in a day, so I'm afraid to take more because it might cause stomach bleeding. LIKE I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH BLEEDING ALREADY! The last thing I need is for another body part to start spewing out blood.
In general, my health has not been good lately. I've been sick or in pain half of the time for the past few months. I can't say for certain what's causing it. I have gained weight this year and life has been stressful. I'm sure those are contributing factors, but I can't help but wonder if something else is wrong. My immune system has also gotten weaker and some days I just wake up feeling depressed for no apparent reason. I can't even tell if my frequent pain and illnesses are causing my depression, or if my depression is making me ill! I'm having a hard time just taking care of my kids, let alone keeping up with college and going to my appointments with my therapist. But, I'm getting help. Even if it's taking longer than I'd like.