Stuff... it happened.

[the_rotten1]

I never thought the summer would be so exhausting. Or so busy. I got the kids all registered for school next year, did a ton of paper work to keep our aid going, and got us all registered at the YMCA. It's really nice to be able to work out again. I don't think I have since I was in my late teens. I'd like to get into shape. You know, some shape

Comments

[helliongoddess]

I don't think I have known a single trans person yet who felt their transition went as fast as they wanted it to go - it seems to go with the territory. That it is moving forward at all, and you have made the strides you have with the kids (I read the latest post - Go Dad!) is wonderful. But I know it's hard. Hang in there, it will all happen sooner or later. Look at it this way - the longer you wait, the more time they have to come up with better F-M surgical options than they have now (assuming someday you might want to pursue that.) The Merciful Goddess knows, there is lots of room for improvement in that area!

Try to be patient with your mom (I know it's hard.) She has to grieve the loss of the daughter she thought she was going to have, and adjust her thinking to accept that she now has a son. That she is even trying is a helluva lot better than a lot of parents of trans folks do. And if she had limitations in her thinking about things before, of course those will come into play with regards to this issue, too. But if she hasn't completely slammed the door in your face, hopefully eventually she will come around. Just takes time.

[the_rotten1]

I don't know... I think my family are about as "accepting" right now as they're ever going to be. As long as their religion says it's wrong, that's what they're going to believe. My feelings and experiences don't matter.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad they're not turning their collective backs on me, but... that doesn't change the fact that they view me as the family freak.

Talking to the therapist helps. At least I feel like I'm doing something to work towards my transition.

[helliongoddess]

Yeah, you definitely are. The therapy is a very important part of the process - some trans folks get in a hurry and forget it, and I've seen some messes come of that. I was relieved my daughter was very sensible about that part - and it worked in her favor when it came time for the surgery. She had no trouble getting her approval.

I'm not just blowing smoke up your whatever about your family - I have seen people change and come around that I never thought would. Yeah, some never do, unfortunately (my kid's father never has), but some can really surprise you, with time. You never know. Don't give up hope - if you can keep a positive attitude with them as much as possible, it will help them reach whatever degree of accommodation with it that they can reach that much quicker. Yeah, so much of the burden should not have to be on you, but that's the way it is. *sigh* Ultimately, it's how you live your life that matters, and it sounds like you are doing all the right things, kiddo.

[the_rotten1]

I thought about it, and while I don't really feel that therapy is "necessary" in the sense that I couldn't get along with out it I do think things will go much more smoothly in the future if I have a letter. Especially considering that many of the medical personnel I'll be working with may not be very knowledgeable about trans people, if they know anything about it at all. No one I've met out here is knowledgeable about it, so far. I know more than anyone else I've met.

As for the family, I've never got anything but abuse and neglect from some of them. I don't expect any different. Maybe I'm being cynical and they'll warm up to it in time, but I doubt it will be any time soon, if at all. Faith is everything to them. My mother already said that if she "had to choose between God and me, she'd choose God." (Because obviously what I'm doing is wrong and bad and she can't choose both.)

[helliongoddess]

*tears hair out* I'm really sorry to hear that. I will say, if your folks have been closed-minded and non-supportive in every other way throughout your life, it's probably reasonable to expect their reaction to this will be just more of the same. Plus, there's just the "this is strange, and therefore threatening," factor, and add in the,"what will people think of us?" bugaboo (one of my parents' personal favorites - their main motivation in life, it seems.)

Yeah, my daughter had some really heinous experiences with medical people who were ignorant or even downright prejudiced against trans people. Just last month, I went to an endocrinologist who told me straight out - after I told her my daughter and her spouse were trans - that their practice did NOT treat trans people. Period. I don't see how they get away with that, really. But I guess better to say they don't treat them, than to let them come in and great them like shit. My kid has gotten good at just walking out if they show their butts. I've had to learn from her example to stand up for myself in some of the bad treatment I've gotten!

I hope your mom's faith will take be there to care of her when she is old and enfeebled, if she totally shuts herself off from you. Being at that stage of the game with my folks (now just mom, since dad died this spring) the game changes in their minds when they start to need you - I've seen how they seem to conveniently forget how they weren't there when they were needed and totally closed doors years in their kids faces earlier. *sigh* It's not easy to deal with.

[the_rotten1]

Yeah, my mother's first reaction when I came out to her was, "What will people think of me?"

I'm afraid to come out to my doctor, hence the need for the letter. I have no way of knowing what his stance is on trans care, and knowing the discrimination I've faced in my own home, I'm not at all surprised to find it in the medical community as well. But I've got to start somewhere, and I don't think it would be wise to start T on my own. I need to have it monitored, because I've got kids. I can't just go dying on them.

Eh, I'm pretty sure my siblings will care for my mom. But if they don't, then I would if I were able. In spite of all the shit I get, she's at least trying to finish raising me now. It's too little too late, but still better than nothing. I love her, even if she can't accept me.