Went to my first Pride on Saturday
"You took the kids to a Pride festival?"
"Just a little one."
"What?"
"There wasn't anything indecent."
"Okay."
( Confession. )
"Just a little one."
"What?"
"There wasn't anything indecent."
"Okay."
( Confession. )
I took my daughter along with me starting when she was about eight or nine as I did AIDS education work back in the early years of the AIDS crisis - she sat with me in booths in the mall, handing out condoms and answering (me answering questions, not her) questions about AIDS and where to get help, or (lots of this)listening to people confess about their brother- uncle- best friend who was dying. She also stood with me on the podium on the Mall in DC at one of the first AIDS NAMES Project quilt rallies and helped read names of the list of people that had quilt squares. She has some painful memories, as do I - in addition to losing our close friend that died, we also lost many of the great guys we did the volunteer work with. But she also has a lot of really good memories of it, too.
I've asked her several times if she thinks I forced her into waters that were too deep for her, too early in her life. She emphatically says no, and she says it was just another experience that made it easier for her to accept herself when that time came (she is trans) and also made her confident that I would be accepting when she came out to me. As long as they know there are no wrong or stupid questions they can ask you, there's nothing wrong with it, and being around other people like Dad, seeing your changes in the context of other people who are similarly different (there's an oxymoron *lol*) can only be helpful to them.
You might check with your local PFLAG, or maybe MCC? - there might be some kids-oriented events through them some time.
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There's not much out here, but I get them involved and try to explain things as best I can. They're coming with me to my next therapist's appointment on the 8th.
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Just in case it was the latter, MCC is Metropolitan Community Church- it is a GLBT multi-denominational church. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metropolitan_Community_Church I don't know where you live, but most cities big enough to have a pride day are big enough to possibly have a MCC church. Usually they do a lot of community outreach, classes, and support groups, all relating to the needs of the GLBT members of their community, particularly their emotional and spiritual needs.
That's good that they are going with you to your therapist. They might even benefit sometime, if they seem to feel comfortable with the therapist, from having a chance to talk to him/her without you in the room. It would give them a chance to ask any questions or express anything they might be hesitating to say to you. You never know what kids are holding back. I found out that way that my kid, when she was a teen, held back from telling me about a lot of her depression, out of trying to protect me - it was something we constantly had to work on after that. A good therapist can be so much help. I like to say they are the ones with the flashlight and map, to help us find our way through the woods on our darker nights.
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The main thing is that I want my kids to see that there are adults who respect me for who I am. My mother has issues with my identity, and although the kids side with me it's not fair for them to feel this tension with their Nana. They shouldn't have to side with anyone. I think that if they're able to talk about it with someone other than me, maybe they'll be able to get their feelings out and handle it better? My son gets really frustrated with her sometimes.
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The issue with your mom is definitely one the therapist can help with, give the kids some coping skills for dealing with the dissonance they see there. One thing that is part of just growing up is learning that people, including within families, have differences, and they don't always get along, but - hopefully - they can always manage to try to be civilized to each other. Do you think at some point you might ever be able to get your mom in for a chat with your therapist? It would give her a chance to ask some questions she might not have asked you, vent, etc. Or a PFLAG meeting - that would help her a lot, but it would probably be harder to get her to that. I would offer to talk to her (I'm a PFLAG resource person here) but I'd have a hard time relating to her religious objections. I can never understand how Christians have turned it into a religion of exclusion... that bothers me. But I'd try, if you thought it would help. Or if I can help in any way you can think of, let me know. I know my daughter and D-I-L would say the same thing, if they can help you in any way. They do so much work with trans people, including a lot of F-M, in fact they have a ton of F-M friends, even go to drag king shows (my daughter adores those!) If you think of any way we can help, just ask. I will message you my email.
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I don't think it would be a good idea to take her to see my therapist though. First of all, she probably thinks that the therapist is trying to "cure" me so that I "won't want to be a man anymore". I'm not sure how she'd handle it if she knew I was asking for a letter so I could start HRT. She might try to talk the therapist out of giving it to me, or try to ban me from starting T while I'm still living in her house.
Secondly, I did reveal a lot about my past to the therapist during our first visit. She knows how my mother dumped all her problems on me and neglected me as a teen. I'm not sure it would be a good idea to introduce them right now, if at all.
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