Lianna
I dont even know where to start. I didnt want things this way I just am scared because after what happened Im fighting with myself everyday to even out the situation. I understand now that you were just angry because you didn't want to lose me. I don't even know what to say Im not over you and I keep telling myself I am. I keep pushing you away because Im scared of forgiveness. I just wish things were different and seeing you today walk out the door and basically leave for good hurt more than anything. I wish I could tell you these things but I dont know what I want, I felt it best to just end things because thats the only thing I know how to do and its what I hate the most. I have a lot of problems and I have come to realize this timing is has never been my best feature I keep searching for something I think may be out there. Look the truth is I miss you but I can't let you know this I dont want to lead you on or play games with you I want you to move on and find someone who will treat you better than I ever could. I don't expect you to forgive me for being a complete asshole. I just want you to read this and try and understand where Im coming from. Last night I woke up 6 fucking times and thought of you because I knew you were at a party and I knew you probably getting with someone else and I couldnt fall back asleep, it sucks how someone can be apart of your life for 2 years and things come crashing down. Im miserable I just want you to know that. We both have our differences and they clash too often for a relationship to work. I guess I was being immature by my previous entry only because I was annoyed you were drunk getting in my business and saying things that you normally wouldnt say so I didnt want to hear it so I blocked you and then thought about it and realized you were only doing it because you loved me. Theres a lot of things I wish I could say to you but dont know how to say them when you cheated on me it litterally broke my heart and Ive never had my heart broken by anyone or been cheated on I didnt know how to handle the situation. So a month went by and I couldnt stop thinking about you so I thought we could work things out the truth is I guess I still loved you, but then I found out about the other guys you were with and I was heart broken again, I understand yes I did sleep with other girls, but it was only because I was so pissed off at the fact that you could betray my trust. Coming to realize by the month we werent together was a test i giving you to see if you really loved me and that the things you were saying about missing me and what a horrible mistake you made were true, and you failed. By you sleeping with those other dudes it just made me think you didnt love me at all that you could give up on someone you were with for 2 years so quickly. I dunno im rambling cause I miss you, but I just think its best for both of us that we didnt see each other. I am miserable though this is just as hard on me as it is on you, and you know I am not one for showing that I care. Ive cried a lot over this, I just wanna let you know<3