(no subject)

[the_river_nymph]

So... life has been kinda down lately... I feel very very very very lost and confused and out of place and things are unbalanced and i go from being ok to hating myself and life and shit and then way back up to really glad just to be alive (although not really glad about much else) so today i decided to do something to make me feel happy. It worked, but it cost me a good 50 bucks. I went down to the art store and bought six yards of unprimed cotton canvas and some priiming glue stuff and then i went and gave half of it to bleada with the deal that we are going to learn to stretch canvas togeather and I can use his stuff/space for painting. I think i'll be using his space rather then his stuff though cause i think i'm going to stick with acrylics and he works mostly with oil. But i don't think i've ever given a better gift. He really needed canvas and now he's got a good three yards. anyway now i have return to the reality that is college life. I hate it, but in a way that is hard to explain. Mainly i think i'm frustrated and i have so many emotions bottled up for so long. Eveything just kinda of seems mostly numb and i haven't been able to really get anything out (good or bad). and I hate people. Maybe specific people but mostly people in general. It seems all my interactions are fake and i end up feeling icky a lot. This morning someone by the name of Jason called at 7:30 and woke me up... He was looking for a gilr named Kim. The conversation (his part) went something like this:
what are you doing? what's your name? where you from? you like to party? what do you look like?...

... i hate the world...

and yet it is so beautiful