reply to minusface: i'm here
(don't think i didn't reply to you on purpose.. when i read the first sentence of your entry.. i already knew.. so this entry is for you and maybe for my piece of mind..)
for the past few days it's been "nothin but sunshine" but i woke up today to see a gloomy beginning.. perfect.. i need to calm down.. i've just been so caught up being busy that i've been avoiding and pretending what's there and what's not.. it's there when i lay in bed at night.. and surfaces in the morning when i wake up.. and in between all of that i suppress all those feelings and thoughts so i can get through the day.. it's a lot easier to forget what's there and put a smile on than trying to convince people theres nothing wrong, when it's so obvious there is.. but this time nothing is wrong.. no he never did return.. but once in awhile i think of him as if he's just a phone call away.. it's only an illusion i let myself have at a time when life gets a little too real..
weird how life goes by with or without you.. and weird how memories that once occupied every inch of your being whittle away to it's simplest detail.. i sure was singing a different tune way back when.. but who's to say i've moved on because when it comes down to it it always goes back to him.. consciously and unconsciously.. even if i tried to forget that chapter in my life.. i can't.. i don't think it's fair to me or to you or the different lives i crossed paths with... it's made me who i am today.. to experience love and death.. when i didn't even know what love was and what it meant to really lose someone.. i've lost and gained something at the same time.. i perhaps lost the innocence that embodies the young.. enjoying the simple things without a care in the world.. but i'm trying to make up for it now..
weird how things change.. i came from being this naive girl who once thought of happy endings.. to realizing it just doesn't work that way.. well not for everyone.. but it doesn't mean you don't try.. it doesn't mean you stop living.. life is OK.. no actually.. LIFE is GREAT once you think about it.. so here is my answer to your question.. i would have never said anything but i guess it's about time that i did.. and i'm glad i did..
for the past few days it's been "nothin but sunshine" but i woke up today to see a gloomy beginning.. perfect.. i need to calm down.. i've just been so caught up being busy that i've been avoiding and pretending what's there and what's not.. it's there when i lay in bed at night.. and surfaces in the morning when i wake up.. and in between all of that i suppress all those feelings and thoughts so i can get through the day.. it's a lot easier to forget what's there and put a smile on than trying to convince people theres nothing wrong, when it's so obvious there is.. but this time nothing is wrong.. no he never did return.. but once in awhile i think of him as if he's just a phone call away.. it's only an illusion i let myself have at a time when life gets a little too real..
weird how life goes by with or without you.. and weird how memories that once occupied every inch of your being whittle away to it's simplest detail.. i sure was singing a different tune way back when.. but who's to say i've moved on because when it comes down to it it always goes back to him.. consciously and unconsciously.. even if i tried to forget that chapter in my life.. i can't.. i don't think it's fair to me or to you or the different lives i crossed paths with... it's made me who i am today.. to experience love and death.. when i didn't even know what love was and what it meant to really lose someone.. i've lost and gained something at the same time.. i perhaps lost the innocence that embodies the young.. enjoying the simple things without a care in the world.. but i'm trying to make up for it now..
weird how things change.. i came from being this naive girl who once thought of happy endings.. to realizing it just doesn't work that way.. well not for everyone.. but it doesn't mean you don't try.. it doesn't mean you stop living.. life is OK.. no actually.. LIFE is GREAT once you think about it.. so here is my answer to your question.. i would have never said anything but i guess it's about time that i did.. and i'm glad i did..