dining out and transitions
Today Courtney, Adam, Pat and I went to Psycho Suzi’s for our first outside lunch of the season. This is one thing Minnesotans have all over Iowa, their relishing of the warm weather. I have never had a restaurant meal outside until I moved to the Twin Cities and it’s now something I do happily as often as I can. And it’s great to be able to enjoy it this year, unlike last summer when I could barely eat anything, much less go to a restaurant. Sometimes I feel discouraged by the lack of progress I feel I’ve made since then, but really, I am doing so much better. I get nervous sometimes, because with the warm weather comes thoughts of last year and my constant worry that I will repeat the same crap, but I’m already doing all the things I couldn’t do last year so it is half the battle. Anyway, I was treated to drinks and pizza and a fourth of dessert, and I was so thankful to just sit outside enjoying the air and the sun and the company. I feel like myself with them, and I don’t feel any pressure or pretense. It was a great way to spend an afternoon off.
Upon returning home, I saw my AmeriCorps supervisor e-mailed us to say she is quitting in two weeks. I wasn’t particularly close to her, but it does surprise me that she would leave in the middle of the year, especially when she has stressed all along that her biggest priority is to see us through our year. Of course, her reasons are what they are and I respect and support them. It just got me thinking about my own end of my year of service, and that unlike last year, the option of doing another year of AmeriCorps at GAP is no longer possible. (the maximum commitment I can do with AmeriCorps is two years.) which means that it will be a summer of transition again for me, and trying to figure out what’s next in my life. I honestly thought I’d be off to grad school this fall, but my heart isn’t in it, and I don’t think it’s a good idea to get an advanced degree when I’m not 100% sure about it. I’d love a year of just doing something kind of frivolous, like being a barrista or working at a co-op, but I’m less likely to get hired for those types of mediocre jobs than I am for something for which my degree qualifies me. I’m turning 25 this summer, and sometimes I get down on myself because I feel like I should have things figured out by now, that I should have some kind of stability in my life, instead of another period of not knowing where I’m going to work or live. It’s interesting to think of when I was in college and would think about my future, and how different my thoughts were compared to my reality right now. I know it will be ok, and I’m grateful that I am living with
Courtney, because she says I can stay as long as I need to. I just wish I felt a little more grown-up, and not like some little kid in a body that won’t stop getting older.
Upon returning home, I saw my AmeriCorps supervisor e-mailed us to say she is quitting in two weeks. I wasn’t particularly close to her, but it does surprise me that she would leave in the middle of the year, especially when she has stressed all along that her biggest priority is to see us through our year. Of course, her reasons are what they are and I respect and support them. It just got me thinking about my own end of my year of service, and that unlike last year, the option of doing another year of AmeriCorps at GAP is no longer possible. (the maximum commitment I can do with AmeriCorps is two years.) which means that it will be a summer of transition again for me, and trying to figure out what’s next in my life. I honestly thought I’d be off to grad school this fall, but my heart isn’t in it, and I don’t think it’s a good idea to get an advanced degree when I’m not 100% sure about it. I’d love a year of just doing something kind of frivolous, like being a barrista or working at a co-op, but I’m less likely to get hired for those types of mediocre jobs than I am for something for which my degree qualifies me. I’m turning 25 this summer, and sometimes I get down on myself because I feel like I should have things figured out by now, that I should have some kind of stability in my life, instead of another period of not knowing where I’m going to work or live. It’s interesting to think of when I was in college and would think about my future, and how different my thoughts were compared to my reality right now. I know it will be ok, and I’m grateful that I am living with
Courtney, because she says I can stay as long as I need to. I just wish I felt a little more grown-up, and not like some little kid in a body that won’t stop getting older.