HOLDING ON TO SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!
so where do i start...i need to vent a lot of shit and this entry will have to do........
i just got off the phone with jessica and she opened my eyes to something that i didnt see or understand before....i need something to grasp onto.
when i find something to grasp onto its taken away from me....
i first had christina to grasp onto and to help me through all my shit but that was broken not for any one reason not from any one person but b.c things changed and we moved in different ways but she lead me to someone else to grasp onto. to talk to to love and care for and to love me back. i dont know how true it was from the other side but it was on this side. but just like the past and the other realtionships i had before being friends or more it broke...something always happens where the ppl i trust and love either break that trust and love or I DO
i dont know if that makes any sense at all
the only thing that i thought i would have forever to hold onto is no longer where.no longer where to love me no matter what i do no matter who the person i become or where i go..she took that safety net away. either by choice or by mistake. b.c of her i will always be broken i will always be alone...
i thought that maybe just maybe i found someone to hold onto again
but like before it was meant to leave. it wasnt what i was really seeing. maybe thats my problem?? i see things not for what they are but for i want them to be...i see true friendship and possible love in places where there not. im blind by the thought that i wont be alone anymore and i will have that person that no matter what happens will be there and love me....who will have my back
its funny how ppl can make u fell so great in such a short time and then in shorter time make u feel something so different. but yet u keep falling for it...im tired of being blind not seeing things for what they are. i have trust in such few ppl and feel close to even fewer ppl...there are ppl i know who truely care me and always will. who might not have been there before but are now and that makes me feel wonderful. but its not the feeling i need...... its not the same love that i need
i think that last part came out wrong...i do need the love im getting now..its just different then what i feel that i need...
my head is soo fucked up right now...
i liked you...
i wanted to be with you....
if u wanted me i dont know
if u liked me i dont know
but time goes on and things will change..
dont run from ur feelings and dont lie about them either u will hurt urself or someone else...
do u believe in what ppl say??
i know the ppl who care will be there.. things will change..
ppl will "find themselves" sometime
i just got off the phone with jessica and she opened my eyes to something that i didnt see or understand before....i need something to grasp onto.
when i find something to grasp onto its taken away from me....
i first had christina to grasp onto and to help me through all my shit but that was broken not for any one reason not from any one person but b.c things changed and we moved in different ways but she lead me to someone else to grasp onto. to talk to to love and care for and to love me back. i dont know how true it was from the other side but it was on this side. but just like the past and the other realtionships i had before being friends or more it broke...something always happens where the ppl i trust and love either break that trust and love or I DO
i dont know if that makes any sense at all
the only thing that i thought i would have forever to hold onto is no longer where.no longer where to love me no matter what i do no matter who the person i become or where i go..she took that safety net away. either by choice or by mistake. b.c of her i will always be broken i will always be alone...
i thought that maybe just maybe i found someone to hold onto again
but like before it was meant to leave. it wasnt what i was really seeing. maybe thats my problem?? i see things not for what they are but for i want them to be...i see true friendship and possible love in places where there not. im blind by the thought that i wont be alone anymore and i will have that person that no matter what happens will be there and love me....who will have my back
its funny how ppl can make u fell so great in such a short time and then in shorter time make u feel something so different. but yet u keep falling for it...im tired of being blind not seeing things for what they are. i have trust in such few ppl and feel close to even fewer ppl...there are ppl i know who truely care me and always will. who might not have been there before but are now and that makes me feel wonderful. but its not the feeling i need...... its not the same love that i need
i think that last part came out wrong...i do need the love im getting now..its just different then what i feel that i need...
my head is soo fucked up right now...
i liked you...
i wanted to be with you....
if u wanted me i dont know
if u liked me i dont know
but time goes on and things will change..
dont run from ur feelings and dont lie about them either u will hurt urself or someone else...
do u believe in what ppl say??
i know the ppl who care will be there.. things will change..
ppl will "find themselves" sometime