Secondment
Title: Secondment
Author: Ru_salki99
Rating: R
Pairing: Dean/Castiel, Dean/Cassie
Disclaimer: Supernatural belongs to CW/WB
Summary: Ever wondered about the similarity in Castiel's and Cassie's names? I have and here's my theory.
“So Cas,” Dean said as they sat down in one of the small booths near the back, “Want to try your luck at getting yourself laid again?”
“Uh no, no thank you,” Castiel said, grabbing the menu.
The whole Hookergate (as Dean had taken to calling it) incident had happened almost two weeks ago now. And although he had only visited Dean twice since then, he had, had tremendous fun at his expense, teasing him as much as he could.
“Oh come on, we can’t let you die as a virgin now. I mean, sure, you’re not in the same danger you were the other week, but who knows when you might snuff it… again.”
Castiel sighed and put down the menu to look at Dean, “I’m not a virgin.”
Dean started in surprise.
“But you…”
“I let you believe what you wanted to believe,” Castiel explained, “I didn’t want to discuss it and I know you would not have appreciated hearing about it. I also knew that you felt like you had to do something for me, to not feel useless and so I went along with it.”
Dean was clearly speechless for a moment, trying to wrap Castiel’s words round his head. He remained speechless when the waitress came over and Castiel ordered them both a beer and the house burger with extra fries. It wasn’t until she left and Castiel turned to look at him again that he finally found his tongue.
“Who?” he asked curiously.
“That’s not important.”
“Too right it’s important,” Dean argued, “Who the hell was she? Was it Anna? Cause you know, it doesn’t bother me if it was. Not like I was married to her or anything…”
“It wasn’t Anna,” Castiel told him.
“Then who?” Dean asked again, “Come on, she’s gotta be special to get you out of your underwear.”
Castiel sighed and sat back to stare at Dean. The waitress came over with their beers smiling at them both and a little disappointed when they both ignored her in favour of staring at each other. When she was gone, Castiel leaned forward to speak again.
“It wasn’t a she.”
Dean continued to stare at him, in somewhat shock, “Come again?”
“The person I slept with, was male.”
“You’re gay?”
Castiel shrugged, “No. I appreciate women too. I’ve just never slept with one of them,” he explained, “Also, I was in a female vessel at the time, so it was a heterosexual coupling.”
Dean’s jaw, if it could, would’ve hit the floor, it dropped that wide.
“Hold up, you were in a female vessel and you had sex with a man?”
“Yes.”
Dean sat back, letting out a long breath as he let that sink in. He had never thought that Castiel would take a female vessel, but then it was man who gave the angels sexes right? Michael could just have easily been a chick.
“Who was he then?” he finally asked.
Castiel faltered slightly, “That doesn’t really matter,” he said as he picked up his beer and took a large gulp.
“Wait, is it someone I know?” Dean asked in somewhat surprise, “It wasn’t Sammy was it?”
“No. It wasn’t Sam,” Castiel clarified as he reached over to pick up the cocktail menu and stare down at it nervously.
“My Dad?”
“No.”
Dean watched him as he tapped his fingers against the corner of the menu, his eyes fixated on the one point, not even reading.
“It wasn’t… it wasn’t Bobby was it?” he hissed.
Castiel looked up at him then, “No. It wasn’t Bobby either,” he said.
“Right okay,” Dean nodded, “Well I don’t think I’ll really care if it was any of the other guys I know. I mean, those are the only ones that would weird me out. How did you do it anyway? Did you just decide on day that you wanted to have sex and so went and got yourself a meat suit?”
Castiel sighed and let the cocktail menu flop down onto the table next to his beer, “I was on secondment.”
Dean snorted, “This just gets weirder and weirder,” he muttered to himself as he picked up his beer, “Secondment?”
Castiel nodded, “Every once in a while, we are allowed to go on secondment. It’s believed to prevent us from straying and letting us see that we really are the lucky ones.”
“So you live like a human?”
“No. We take on the lives of our vessels.”
“What?”
“We have their permission of course,” Castiel said quickly, “But it lets us experience what life is like for humans exactly.”
They were both quiet for a moment, sipping at their beers as Dean mulled over Castiel’s words and Castiel waited for his reaction.
“Why a girl?” Dean eventually asked him.
“She was the only vessel available to me,” Castiel told him, “Jimmy had just gotten married and was expecting his first child. He would not have been willing to renege on the chance to witness his daughter’s birth. Not to mention, his genetic make up wasn’t entirely suitable for that specific purpose.”
“And the chick?”
“Just graduated from high school, was on her way to college and had just been dumped by her high school boyfriend. He’d been cheating on her with one of the mathletes. She was devastated.”
Dean understood now, “So she was looking for a break then?”
Castiel nodded, “Yes. That and she had an interesting name,” he said with a slight smile, ignoring the confused look on Dean’s face, “And so, the night before she left for college, I entered her.”
Dean wished he hadn’t taken a mouthful of beer right then as he choked on it, half of it coming back out of his nose as he noticed Castiel rolling his eyes. Luckily their burgers arrived a few moments later and Dean became distracted by that and seemed happy to drop the subject.
Unfortunately, Dean was a fast eater.
“So, how long were you on secondment for?” he asked as he swallowed down his last mouthful.
“Eight years,” Castiel said.
“Wow, that’s a long time.”
“Not really. Others have been known to stay living as a human until that body dies.”
“Then why did you leave?”
Castiel paused for a moment, “My vessel’s father passed away. Her mother needed her daughter back.”
“And when you left, she didn’t wonder what the hell had happened over the past eight years, where her Dad was?” Dean asked, a look of utter horror on his face.
“No. She was aware of everything that had happened,” he said, “I made sure of it before I left. Everything I experienced, she experienced.”
“And what did she think of that guy you slept with?”
Castiel smiled, “She approved. And also agreed with me that he was adorably insufferable.”
“Adorably insufferable? Sounds like a pain in the ass.”
“Oh he is,” Castiel nodded as he ate down the last of his burger.
~*~ FLASHBACK ~*~
Castiel walked into the bar with his roommates. They only had about two months left in college before they graduated. He couldn’t quite believe that his time here at Athens was almost over.
“You know Cassie,” Sarah said, “We have got to get you a man before the end of semester.”
“Please,” Castiel said, “I’ve told you before…”
“Yeah, yeah, all men are dicks,” Olivia said with a roll of her eyes, “But if it’s only for one night, then what does it matter right?”
“I’m not the one night type of girl,” Castiel argued as they found a table to sit at, “You know that. And besides, it’s not like I haven’t dated anyone. I just…”
“Never clicked,” Sarah and Olivia said at the same time.
Castiel rolled his, or rather Cassie’s eyes and stood up, “I’ll get us some drinks,” he said as he hopped over to the bar.
It wasn’t that Castiel was against the idea of sex, it was a very human thing to do after all, but Cassie had told him of how she’d been hurt before, giving her virginity to that boy before having her heart stamped on. And so he felt the need to be protective of her and her body. But like he had said, he had been on dates. He just hadn’t found anyone worthy enough yet to share that experience with.
A lot of that had to do with the fact that he could sense their intentions, knew when they were being genuine or not. In his current guise he had very little angelic power, almost none in fact, he was as human as he could be without losing his grace. However, as much as he couldn’t see into a person’s soul, he could feel it. And that was enough.
“Can I buy you a drink?” Castiel looked up to the guy who had just sidled up to him. He was a jock, that he was sure of, and while he was pretty enough, he was also drunk, way to sure of himself and had less than honourable intentions.
“I’m good thanks,” he said, giving his best smile as he glanced over his shoulder at the girls… who were flanked by what appeared to be Mr Jock’s friends.
“Are you sure?” he asked, “Cause your friends there seem to be a little busy. Wouldn’t want you to feel lonely.”
“Yeah I’m sure,” he said, turning back to the bar, hoping that he would take the hint and just go.
“Seriously, what are you having?” he asked as he forcefully turned him round to face him.
“Seriously, I’m fine,” he said as he jerked back from him.
“You listen to me…”
“Hey baby. Sorry I’m late. Traffic was a nightmare,” some guy in a leather jacket said as he stepped in between them, his back to Mr Jock and giving Castiel a wink, “You get the drinks in yet?”
“Uh, no,” Castiel said, glancing up at Mr Jock and noting the very confused look on his face quickly turning to anger, “No I was just about to.”
“Great,” he said before leaning in and placing a kiss on his cheek, “My name’s Dean,” he whispered.
“Cassie,” he whispered back, jumping slightly when Mr Jock grabbed him on the shoulder and turned him round to face him.
“Hey big guy,” Dean said, “What’s shakin?”
“I was here first,” he said, “Get your own.”
“Ah well, that’s where your wrong,” Dean told him, “Cause she is my own. Now I suggest you back off before you regret it.”
“Or what?” Mr Jock asked.
Dean sighed, “Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” he muttered before pulling his head back and head butting Mr Jock, sending him to the floor in an unconscious heap. Dean turned back to Castiel and smiled softly, “You alright?” he asked.
“Yeah, but I’m not sure you’re gonna be.”
Dean turned back round to see Mr Jock’s friends all standing there, looking less than pleased.
“Ah,” Dean said, “Well Cas, it was nice meeting you,” he said as he leaned down and placed a soft kiss on his lips, “But I gotta run.”
And with that, he disappeared just as quickly as he had appeared at his side. A handful of jocks running after him. Castiel turned to watch him fly away out of the door, his jacket shining in the bright neon light in the bar window and his hand raised high over his head as he gave the jocks the finger. Castiel couldn’t stop himself from smiling before turning back to the bar and finally ordering his drinks.
When he made his way back over to the table, the jocks having gone, the girls smiled up at him.
“Who the hell was that?” Olivia asked.
Castiel shrugged, “Said his name was Dean.”
“You ever seen him before?” Sarah asked as she accepted her drink.
“I think I would remember if I had,” Castiel said.
Olivia and Sarah grinned horribly evil grins at the same time, “You like him,” Sarah stated.
Castiel shrugged, “He was cute,” he said, remembering the way his bright green eyes had sparkled with mischief and his cheeks were sprinkled with light freckles.
Cute wasn’t exactly the right word, but he highly doubted that Olivia and Sarah would appreciate him calling him beautiful. Or that he had a good soul. So channelling Cassie (which helped him be more human), he used the language she would’ve used and settled for cute.
“Well who knows,” Olivia said, “Maybe you’re fated to be together and your paths will cross once more.”
“Maybe,” Castiel said with a smile as he lifted his drink to his mouth.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Two days later and Castiel walked into the laundromat to begin doing his laundry. He had been up rather late the night before working on a paper and so was rather tired that morning. Which is why he didn’t notice the person standing in front of him until he walked right into them.
“Oh, God, I’m sorry,” he said before freezing, the person he had walked into, was none other than Dean, “Hey.”
Dean grinned, “Hey,” he said, “Cas right?”
“Cassie,” Castiel corrected him, even though he kind of liked the idea of Dean calling him Cas.
“Right, sorry,” Dean nodded, “So, how you been?”
“Fine, thank you,” Castiel said, “What are you doing here?”
Dean smiled, “Laundry.”
“Right, right,” Castiel nodded, “Sorry, I was working late last night. My brain still hasn’t started to function yet.”
Dean laughed and hopped up onto one of the machines, “Tell me about it,” he said, “I could probably be the next Einstein if it weren’t for all my late nights.”
Castiel smiled and dumped his laundry bag onto the machine next to Dean and began to empty it into another, “So what do you do?” he asked.
“Freelance,” Dean said, “I work with my Dad usually, but he’s out of state on another job so I’m just sort of hanging out here, waiting for him to come back.”
“What kind of freelance?” Castiel asked curiously, a little surprised that he wasn’t a student at the school, the only people he ever met around here were students.
“Vermin,” Dean told him matter of factly, his eyes drifting down to the item of laundry in Castiel’s hand.
Realising that he was standing holding a bra, Castiel quickly threw it into the machine, “Vermin?” he asked trying not to blush.
“Yup. Sorry, it’s not that exciting.”
Castiel shrugged, “At least you’re not a bum living off your parents.”
“Let me guess, the jock the other night?”
“Probably,” Castiel said, embarrassed that he had let that slip and so used the action of turning on the machine as a distraction.
They were both silent for a moment before Dean jumped back off the machine, “You got anywhere else you need to be today?” he asked, “Classes or work?”
“No,” Castiel said with a shake of his head, “I was just gonna procrastinate.”
Dean smiled, and Castiel could feel his breath hitching slightly at just how bright his smile really was, “Tell you what,” he said, “How about I go get us a couple of coffees, some Danish, then when our laundry’s done, you show me what there is to do in this town.”
“I show you?”
“Yeah,” Dean nodded, “I mean, I’m buying the coffees. It’s only fair.”
Castiel couldn’t help but smile, “Deal,” he said.
“Great,” Dean told him before making to step around him to get said coffees, but before he did he stepped back, leaned down and kissed him again, “I’ll be back in five.”
~*~*~*~*~*~
“That was the worst movie I have ever seen,” Castiel said as he walked hand in hand with Dean out of the theatre.
“Oh thank God!” Dean said, “I thought for a minute there you were gonna say you liked it.”
“Like that? Are you kidding me? Gouging my eyes out with hot pokers would be less painful than that.”
Dean smiled, “Hot pokers?”
“Well it would,” Castiel said, only making Dean smile some more as he wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close.
“I’m sorry,” he said as he leaned down and kissed him, “How about you let me make it up to you?”
Castiel looked up into his eyes, saw a flash of lust there and recoiled slightly. And even though he quickly tried to hide his discomfort, Dean had seen it.
“Sorry,” he said as he stood back, “I’m not… we don’t have to.”
“I know,” Castiel said with a sigh, “It’s just, it’s been a while and I guess I’m just kind of nervous.”
Dean took his hand, “I get that,” he said as he reached up with his other hand and pushed his hair away from his eyes, “And whenever you’re ready, so will I be.”
Castiel smiled and leaned up for another kiss, “If there’s one thing I’ve learned about you over these past couple of weeks, it’s that you’re always ready.”
Dean gave a hearty laugh that sent pulses of warmth through Castiel’s body before he wrapped his arm behind Castiel’s back and began to walk them in the direction of Castiel’s apartment.
He didn’t live that far away, just a couple of blocks and so they were there quicker than Castiel would’ve liked.
“So, uh… I’ll see you tomorrow?” Dean asked, looking very worried that Castiel might say no.
Castiel rolled his eyes, “Come on,” he said before dragging Dean inside.
Olivia and Sarah were sitting watching Pretty Woman and both turned to look at Castiel as he walked through the door, their eyes almost bugging out of their head when Dean stepped in after.
“You guys remember Dean?” he asked as he hung up his jacket on the coat hooks, taking Dean’s off him too.
“Ladies,” Dean nodded.
“How was the movie?” Sarah asked, Olivia unable to do much more than grin.
“Awful,” Castiel said as he grabbed a couple of beers from the fridge then took Dean’s hand and led him into his bedroom.
“Nice meeting you,” Dean called, giving them a brilliant smile.
Once inside Castiel’s room, Dean leaned back against the door, “They seem nice.”
“They’re trouble,” Castiel said as he put down the beers on top of his dressing table.
“Really? If they’re trouble, then what does that make you?”
“I’m an angel,” Castiel said with a small smile.
Dean laughed and stepped forward, cupping Castiel’s jaw softly with his hand until he was just holding his chin and stroking his thumb over his lip, “Must be why you’re so beautiful,” he said.
Castiel stared up into his eyes, feeling out his soul as much as he could. Yes Dean wouldn’t say no to sex, but he could see in his eyes that he’d be happy to wait, that he wouldn’t mind going without, so long as he got to spend as much time with him as possible. And with that in mind, Castiel pushed up, kissing him hard.
Dean kissed back, his arms wrapped tight around him as he started to walk them back towards the bed. He lowered them down gently before climbing on top of him. Settling a hand on his hip, his fingers only just skimming under the small top he was wearing.
“You sure about this?” Dean asked quietly.
Castiel nodded, “Yeah. I’m sure.”
Dean smiled softly and leaned down to kiss him again, and all the love and emotion that was poured into that kiss, Castiel knew he had made the right decision.
Dean was very gentle, taking his time to remove their clothes for them, showering Castiel’s body in kisses, his hands gently skimming over his naked flesh, covering it in goose pimples making him tingle with need. Any nerves he was having about what was to come were banished and instead replaced with anticipation.
When Dean entered him, when he pushed inside, he was so unbelievably tender, so worried that he was hurting him that it completely overwhelmed Castiel. But when Dean asked if he was okay, he nodded, knowing now he didn’t want him to stop. And so he didn’t, he continued to move, slowly at first, waiting until Castiel began to push back before he began to speed up slightly. But he still kept things slow, kept things gentle and so intense that it was only a matter of time before Castiel was pushed over the edge.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Three weeks later, and Castiel was sitting at the breakfast bar, watching as Dean washed up the breakfast dishes.
“My Mom and Dad are coming to visit this weekend,” Castiel told him abruptly.
Dean’s back stiffened, “Oh right. Any particular reason?”
“It’s my Dad’s birthday,” he explained, “And since I can’t go there, they’re coming here.”
Dean nodded, and went back to his dishes. Castiel couldn’t help but notice the way his jaw was twitching slightly as he mulled over whatever thoughts were in his head.
“You don’t have to meet them,” he said, “I just…”
Dean sighed, “Cassie, it’s not that I don’t want to. It’s just, I don’t know how long I’m going to be around for. I mean, I could meet them then have to leave the next day.”
“I know, but, I’ve kind of already told my Mom about you. She says she would like to meet you, but would understand if you didn’t want to.”
Dean turned to stare at him, “You told your Mom about me?” he asked, annoyance flashing over his face.
“Well yeah why wouldn’t I?”
“Oh I don’t know, maybe cause we’ve only been dating a few weeks,” Dean snapped, making Olivia who had been on her way out of her room to get her own breakfast, retreat pretty quickly, “It’s not like we’re getting married or anything.”
“Look, my Mom is my best friend, I tell her everything. So yeah, I’m gonna tell her about you even though we’ve only been dating for a few weeks.”
Violently drying his hands on the dishtowel, Dean threw it down on the worktop, “I need to go,” he said as he turned and grabbed his jacket from the coat hook.
“So I take it that means you haven’t told your Dad about me?”
Dean paused half way out the door, looking as if he was going to say something but didn’t, instead just turning and slamming the door behind him.
Castiel ran over to the door and pulled it open, “You’re an ass Dean Winchester!” he shouted before slamming the door himself.
He then went over to the sink and started to finish washing up. He heard Olivia and Sarah’s bedroom doors open, but didn’t turn to them. He couldn’t as he knew if he did, he wouldn’t be able to stop the tears from falling.
“You okay?” Sarah asked.
“Yeah. Fine,” he said quietly.
“You want me to get Tom to go beat him up?” Olivia asked, talking about the guy she was dating at the moment.
Castiel snorted slightly in amusement, “No, it’s fine,” he said, “I wouldn’t want Tom to waste the energy.”
He was tempted to call upon one of his brothers and get them to go and scare the hell out of him, but that wasn’t really the human thing to do. He wasn’t entirely sure how he would deal with him though. At the moment he was too angry to even think about going to talk to him. He could understand why Dean might be a bit uncomfortable, just didn’t understand why he had to be such an ass about it all.
Luckily, neither his Mom nor his Dad asked about Dean when he didn’t show up for lunch or dinner or at all that weekend, seeming to understand that Castiel would talk about him when or if he wanted to. Which he didn’t.
He hadn’t heard from Dean since he’d walked out on Thursday morning, not even one text or a phone call. Nothing. He nearly called him a couple of times, but Sarah and Olivia had assured him that this was the worst thing he could’ve done. So he didn’t. He ignored him right back.
Or at least he did until he left his creative writing class on the Monday afternoon. He was deep in conversation with one of the guys who he sat next to, when someone said hello to him.
Looking up, he was a little surprised to see Dean standing there, holding a small yellow rose and wearing the most apologetic look he had ever seen on anyone. Scowling at him, Castiel turned to his friend, “I’ll catch you later,” he said before turning back to Dean, “What do you want?”
“I’m sorry,” Dean said, “I’m a dick.”
Castiel reached forward and plucked the rose out of his hand, “Yeah, you are.”
“Can I buy you Lunch? Make it up to you?”
“No.”
“Dinner then?”
“I’m busy, I have an assignment to be done for the end of the week.”
Dean nodded, “What about I come over and make you a snack or something to keep you going?” he asked, “I make amazing sandwiches.”
Castiel sighed, “You don’t need to make or buy me food Dean.”
“Then how…”
Castiel reached up and kissed him, “I know you’re sorry. That’s enough for me.”
Dean smiled softly and leaned down for another kiss, taking hold of Castiel’s hand when he pulled back, “I’ve never really done this before,” he admitted, “Never dated anyone longer than a couple of weeks, or felt… felt like this.”
“Well that makes two of us,” Castiel said, “Come on, you can walk me to my next class.”
“What? You’re actually going to class?” Dean asked incredulously, “What about the make up sex?”
Castiel hadn’t thought about that, “Well, when you put it that way.”
Dean grinned as Castiel changed direction and started walking them out of campus and Castiel couldn’t help but grin back.
~*~*~*~*~*~
It was the middle of the night when it happened.
Castiel woke to the sound of guitars. Opening his eyes, he realised that it was Dean’s phone. He watched closely as Dean answered, a frown on his face as he listened to whatever the caller had to say.
“Yeah, sure. See you tomorrow,” he said before hanging up and sighing.
“Who was that?” Castiel asked.
“My Dad,” Dean muttered, “He’s coming to pick me up tomorrow afternoon.”
“Pick you up?”
“Yeah, he’s got another job for us in Kentucky,” he said as he turned and wrapped his arms around Castiel, placing a small kiss on his head.
“Kentucky?” Castiel asked with a frown, “Isn’t that a bit far?”
“No,” Dean said, “I told you, we travel all over for our work.”
“Doesn’t Kentucky have it’s own exterminators?”
Dean sighed and flopped back down onto the bed, covering his face with his hand as he did so.
“Dean?”
“I’m not an exterminator,” he said quietly.
“You’re not?”
“No,” he said with a slight shake of his head, “I’m a hunter.”
“A hunter? Like deer and stuff?” Castiel asked in confusion, not really understanding how that could be classified as a job.
“No. Like ghosts and demons and stuff.”
Castiel stilled. Frozen in fear. He was a Hunter? He was one of them? He knew about his world, about the beings that tormented it. Which meant he could possibly know about angels too, and if he didn’t, he couldn’t let him know either.
“Ghosts and demons?” he asked quietly.
Dean turned to him, “Look, I know it sounds crazy. But I swear I’m not lying.”
“Really?” Castiel asked, aware that he had to play this like a human, that he had to act as if this was the most absurd thing he had ever heard.
“When I was little, my Mom was killed by a demon. Since then, my Dad, my little brother and I have hunted demons, witches, vampires, poltergeists, anything evil and destroyed them.”
Castiel sat up and turned his back on Dean. He couldn’t believe this was happening. After four years, he had finally found someone who made him happy, who was letting him know what it was like to be human and he was going to have to push him away.
“I think you should go,” he said quietly.
Dean reached forward, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder, “Cassie…”
“I said go Dean.”
Dean slowly removed his hand and Castiel felt the bed shifting behind as Dean got up and started to get dressed. Unable to just sit there and watch as Dean got ready to step out of his life, he got up, pulled on his dressing gown and all but ran to the bathroom.
When he got there, he locked the door behind him and slid down it, burying his face in his knees as wept. He stayed there for what felt like an age, long after Dean’s heavy footsteps had marched passed and the apartment door had slammed shut behind him. It wasn’t until Sarah knocked on the door to check on him that he moved.
Reluctantly he stood up and opened the door, unable to do anything but collapse against her as the pain in his chest threatened to consume him. It was a pain he wouldn’t wish upon anyone else, a pain he never wanted to feel again.
~*~ END FLASHBACK ~*~
“So, this guy,” Dean said, “You ever gonna tell me who he was?”
Castiel sighed and turned to look out the window, they were currently sitting outside an old mansion, believing a group of vampires to be nesting there. It wasn’t something that was detrimental to their cause, but vampires had been increasing in numbers recently and Dean seemed to be on a mission to take them all out. And so, with nothing else to do, Castiel had come with him. Although he should’ve known Dean would start interrogating him again.
“I don’t think it would be wise,” Castiel said quietly.
“Why?” Dean asked, “What’ve you got to lose?”
Castiel was quiet for a moment, deciding whether to tell him or not. He could very well lose his friendship, the only friendship he had now really, but Dean was stubborn and would likely not let it drop.
“There was a reason why I was chosen to raise you from Hell,” he said, “Usually, a low ranking angel such as myself would not have been given such a task. It would be left to one of the archangels.”
“Okay…” Dean said, wondering where this was going, “So what’s the reason.”
Castiel turned to look at him, “Because I already had a connection with you. One that was so strong that you would be able to recognise my soul in the blinding fires of the Pit and wouldn’t protest when I gripped onto you.”
Dean frowned as he processed those words, “Wait, what do you mean by connection?”
“You’re not dense Dean. You know fine well what I mean.”
Dean’s jaw fell wide open, “Wait? What? I’m the guy? I… when?” he asked, “When did this happen?”
Castiel dropped his head to stare at his knees, “The first time, eight and a half years ago,” he said, “We dated for about six weeks. Then we broke up and didn’t see each other until four years ago when…” Castiel tailed off, not able to say much more.
“Cassie?” Dean asked, “You’re Cassie?”
“I’m sorry Dean,” Castiel said, “Had I known you were a hunter I would never…”
“Don’t,” Dean said as he turned to look away from him.
“Dean…”
“I don’t want to hear it Cas!” he shouted, “I mean, the only relationship I’ve ever had, the only time I’ve ever loved someone and it was all a lie?”
“It wasn’t a lie Dean,” Castiel argued, “It was all real, all of it. Everything I ever said to you, I meant it. I really did lo…”
“I said don’t,” Dean interrupted before climbing out the car, “Come on, we got some vampires to kill.”
Castiel sighed and followed Dean. He could understand why he was angry, why he was pissed off at him. He supposed he would be too if it were him.
As they moved through the mansion, Castiel had to keep one eye on Dean. He wasn’t being very safe, acting recklessly as he attacked the vampires within. He wasn’t killing them straight away like he should have, instead beating them up a little first, tiring himself out and dropping his guard as he did so.
Castiel made light work of the vampires he came across, killing them with ease, which was just as well as upon killing his last, he noticed that Dean was in trouble.
While beating upon a female vampire, her mate had snuck up behind Dean and attacked him. He was now on the floor, being kicked and beaten. Castiel took three quick strides into the room and used his Angel Stick of Death (Dean’s name for it) and destroyed them both before leaning down to pick up the badly beaten Dean.
“I’m fine,” Dean protested, put me down.
“Very well,” Castiel said, setting Dean’s feet down onto the floor, not at all surprised when Dean stumbled and he had to catch him, “You were saying?”
“Okay, so I might need a little help.”
Castiel did his best to hold back a smile as he led Dean back out to the car. When Dean made to get behind the drivers sear, Castiel steered him to the opposite side, “You’re in no state to drive.”
“Sure I am.”
”Dean.”
“Fine,” Dean relented, “You drive. But if you scratch her, I swear I will kill you.”
Castiel fought against the urge to roll his eyes as Dean gave him the keys and they both climbed into the car.
The ride back to the motel was spent mostly in silence, the only noises being small wines of pain from Dean as he checked his injuries in the rear view mirror, or at least the ones from the neck up. Castiel watched him closely from the corner of his eye, noticing that Dean would glance at him every now and again before looking away quickly. He wanted to say something to him, to find out what was on his mind and how was he feeling about what he had just found out. But he didn’t. He knew that it would only lead to another argument and so he said nothing to him until they were safe inside the motel room once more.
“You should take a shower,” he suggested to him as he nodded towards the bathroom.
Dean halted, jacket half way off his shoulders, “Do I smell bad or something?”
“What?” Castiel asked in confusion before shaking his head, “I was referring to your injuries. The warm water will ease the ache in your muscles, while cleaning your wounds,” he explained, “When you’re done I will dress them for you.”
Dean, for a moment looked like he was about to argue, but at last minute thought the better of it and headed into the bathroom instead. As he left, Castiel realised he too, was probably just trying to avoid having yet another argument with him, which made him smile slightly as after their first, arguing was pretty much all that he and Dean knew how to do… well, arguing and that other thing. The thing that it would do him well not to think about. Dean was a red blooded, heterosexual male, and Castiel was now in a male body, not a female’s. The most he could hope for with him was a friendship. And as he thought that, he realised for the first time just what it was he wanted from all of this, why he had rebelled against heaven for Dean. He was still in love with him.
Just as that thought entered his head, the bathroom door opened, steam billowing out into the room and with it, a moist Dean wearing nothing but a towel.
Castiel knew he was blushing, but was finding it difficult to look away.
“What?” Dean asked him as he noticed the blush, “Not like it’s anything you haven’t seen before.”
Castiel didn’t respond to that, instead turning to remove his coat and jacket before rolling up his sleeves, “Sit down,” he said as he reached for the med kit.
Dean perched on the end of the bed, the humour that had been in his eyes moments before all but gone now as the pain from his wounds and bruised torso came flooding back.
Sitting the first aid kit down on the bed next to Dean, Castiel crouched down and begun to tend to his injuries. He tried to be as gentle as he could as he applied the paper stitches and small dressings before finally applying a soothing ointment. His fingers worked their way slowly over his muscles, up his chest and down his shoulders before finally moving up to his face. As softly as he could, he spread the ointment over his brow and down his cheek until he paused just above his top lip. It was then that he really looked at Dean and not just his bruises.
He was breathing hard, gripping tight at his towel covered thighs, his cheeks were flushed, his eyes closed and his head was tilted to the side, leaning into Castiel’s hand, enjoying the way in which his skin was being caressed.
“I should go,” Castiel said as he removed his hand.
Dean opened his eyes, lust pouring out of them as he stared down at Castiel, “Only if you really want to,” he said quietly, his voice almost a whisper.
“Dean, I…”
“Shh,” Dean said as he brought his finger up to his mouth, preventing him from saying anything more, “Back then, was it you or her that I went on dates with? Who I laughed and fought with? Was it you or her that I used to watch sleep, used to feel like I was walking on air every time I saw a smile on that face? Was it you or her who I made love to every night?” he asked, “Tell me. I need to know.”
Castiel felt his chest tighten a little, making him take a deep breath in, “It was me,” he told him in a whisper, “All of it. It was me.”
Castiel hadn’t really been sure where Dean had been going with all of this, but one thing he did not expect was for Dean to bend down and kiss him, much in the same way he had at the Laundromat all those years ago. When he pulled back though, he wasn’t grinning or smiling cockily, like he had before, but was instead staring down at him with a look of utter nervousness.
“Dean,” Castiel said quietly as he took his hand, “This form, this body is different to Cassie’s.”
“No shit,” Dean muttered.
“I do not mean by gender,” Castiel said with a small smile, “I mean that while I was with Cassie, we were one in the same. One entity if you will. I was human except for a couple of abilities I was left with. With Jimmy, it was different again, every moment was a fight for his body to contain me, we were separate and shouldn’t have been able to exist at the one time. Living inside of him was a very precarious and my existence within him could’ve destroyed his body at any time. All it needed was the right push.”
“And now?”
“Now… I merely appear human. Jimmy is gone. His body was destroyed by Raphael. When I was brought back, I was given this visage, a human looking body of my own, as it is one that you would recognise, would trust.”
“So what you’re saying is, you’re all angel now?” Dean asked, “There’s no humanity in you?”
“Well... not unless you have your way,” Castiel joked.
Dean grinned, “Castiel, you have a smutty mind,” he said, laughing softly.
Castiel smiled with him before schooling his features into a serious frown once more, “But I’m serious Dean,” he said, “This could be very dangerous. I do not know how my body will respond to pleasure.”
Dean cupped his face and leaned down once more, “Well I guess we best find out the huh?”
THE END
Author: Ru_salki99
Rating: R
Pairing: Dean/Castiel, Dean/Cassie
Disclaimer: Supernatural belongs to CW/WB
Summary: Ever wondered about the similarity in Castiel's and Cassie's names? I have and here's my theory.
“So Cas,” Dean said as they sat down in one of the small booths near the back, “Want to try your luck at getting yourself laid again?”
“Uh no, no thank you,” Castiel said, grabbing the menu.
The whole Hookergate (as Dean had taken to calling it) incident had happened almost two weeks ago now. And although he had only visited Dean twice since then, he had, had tremendous fun at his expense, teasing him as much as he could.
“Oh come on, we can’t let you die as a virgin now. I mean, sure, you’re not in the same danger you were the other week, but who knows when you might snuff it… again.”
Castiel sighed and put down the menu to look at Dean, “I’m not a virgin.”
Dean started in surprise.
“But you…”
“I let you believe what you wanted to believe,” Castiel explained, “I didn’t want to discuss it and I know you would not have appreciated hearing about it. I also knew that you felt like you had to do something for me, to not feel useless and so I went along with it.”
Dean was clearly speechless for a moment, trying to wrap Castiel’s words round his head. He remained speechless when the waitress came over and Castiel ordered them both a beer and the house burger with extra fries. It wasn’t until she left and Castiel turned to look at him again that he finally found his tongue.
“Who?” he asked curiously.
“That’s not important.”
“Too right it’s important,” Dean argued, “Who the hell was she? Was it Anna? Cause you know, it doesn’t bother me if it was. Not like I was married to her or anything…”
“It wasn’t Anna,” Castiel told him.
“Then who?” Dean asked again, “Come on, she’s gotta be special to get you out of your underwear.”
Castiel sighed and sat back to stare at Dean. The waitress came over with their beers smiling at them both and a little disappointed when they both ignored her in favour of staring at each other. When she was gone, Castiel leaned forward to speak again.
“It wasn’t a she.”
Dean continued to stare at him, in somewhat shock, “Come again?”
“The person I slept with, was male.”
“You’re gay?”
Castiel shrugged, “No. I appreciate women too. I’ve just never slept with one of them,” he explained, “Also, I was in a female vessel at the time, so it was a heterosexual coupling.”
Dean’s jaw, if it could, would’ve hit the floor, it dropped that wide.
“Hold up, you were in a female vessel and you had sex with a man?”
“Yes.”
Dean sat back, letting out a long breath as he let that sink in. He had never thought that Castiel would take a female vessel, but then it was man who gave the angels sexes right? Michael could just have easily been a chick.
“Who was he then?” he finally asked.
Castiel faltered slightly, “That doesn’t really matter,” he said as he picked up his beer and took a large gulp.
“Wait, is it someone I know?” Dean asked in somewhat surprise, “It wasn’t Sammy was it?”
“No. It wasn’t Sam,” Castiel clarified as he reached over to pick up the cocktail menu and stare down at it nervously.
“My Dad?”
“No.”
Dean watched him as he tapped his fingers against the corner of the menu, his eyes fixated on the one point, not even reading.
“It wasn’t… it wasn’t Bobby was it?” he hissed.
Castiel looked up at him then, “No. It wasn’t Bobby either,” he said.
“Right okay,” Dean nodded, “Well I don’t think I’ll really care if it was any of the other guys I know. I mean, those are the only ones that would weird me out. How did you do it anyway? Did you just decide on day that you wanted to have sex and so went and got yourself a meat suit?”
Castiel sighed and let the cocktail menu flop down onto the table next to his beer, “I was on secondment.”
Dean snorted, “This just gets weirder and weirder,” he muttered to himself as he picked up his beer, “Secondment?”
Castiel nodded, “Every once in a while, we are allowed to go on secondment. It’s believed to prevent us from straying and letting us see that we really are the lucky ones.”
“So you live like a human?”
“No. We take on the lives of our vessels.”
“What?”
“We have their permission of course,” Castiel said quickly, “But it lets us experience what life is like for humans exactly.”
They were both quiet for a moment, sipping at their beers as Dean mulled over Castiel’s words and Castiel waited for his reaction.
“Why a girl?” Dean eventually asked him.
“She was the only vessel available to me,” Castiel told him, “Jimmy had just gotten married and was expecting his first child. He would not have been willing to renege on the chance to witness his daughter’s birth. Not to mention, his genetic make up wasn’t entirely suitable for that specific purpose.”
“And the chick?”
“Just graduated from high school, was on her way to college and had just been dumped by her high school boyfriend. He’d been cheating on her with one of the mathletes. She was devastated.”
Dean understood now, “So she was looking for a break then?”
Castiel nodded, “Yes. That and she had an interesting name,” he said with a slight smile, ignoring the confused look on Dean’s face, “And so, the night before she left for college, I entered her.”
Dean wished he hadn’t taken a mouthful of beer right then as he choked on it, half of it coming back out of his nose as he noticed Castiel rolling his eyes. Luckily their burgers arrived a few moments later and Dean became distracted by that and seemed happy to drop the subject.
Unfortunately, Dean was a fast eater.
“So, how long were you on secondment for?” he asked as he swallowed down his last mouthful.
“Eight years,” Castiel said.
“Wow, that’s a long time.”
“Not really. Others have been known to stay living as a human until that body dies.”
“Then why did you leave?”
Castiel paused for a moment, “My vessel’s father passed away. Her mother needed her daughter back.”
“And when you left, she didn’t wonder what the hell had happened over the past eight years, where her Dad was?” Dean asked, a look of utter horror on his face.
“No. She was aware of everything that had happened,” he said, “I made sure of it before I left. Everything I experienced, she experienced.”
“And what did she think of that guy you slept with?”
Castiel smiled, “She approved. And also agreed with me that he was adorably insufferable.”
“Adorably insufferable? Sounds like a pain in the ass.”
“Oh he is,” Castiel nodded as he ate down the last of his burger.
~*~ FLASHBACK ~*~
Castiel walked into the bar with his roommates. They only had about two months left in college before they graduated. He couldn’t quite believe that his time here at Athens was almost over.
“You know Cassie,” Sarah said, “We have got to get you a man before the end of semester.”
“Please,” Castiel said, “I’ve told you before…”
“Yeah, yeah, all men are dicks,” Olivia said with a roll of her eyes, “But if it’s only for one night, then what does it matter right?”
“I’m not the one night type of girl,” Castiel argued as they found a table to sit at, “You know that. And besides, it’s not like I haven’t dated anyone. I just…”
“Never clicked,” Sarah and Olivia said at the same time.
Castiel rolled his, or rather Cassie’s eyes and stood up, “I’ll get us some drinks,” he said as he hopped over to the bar.
It wasn’t that Castiel was against the idea of sex, it was a very human thing to do after all, but Cassie had told him of how she’d been hurt before, giving her virginity to that boy before having her heart stamped on. And so he felt the need to be protective of her and her body. But like he had said, he had been on dates. He just hadn’t found anyone worthy enough yet to share that experience with.
A lot of that had to do with the fact that he could sense their intentions, knew when they were being genuine or not. In his current guise he had very little angelic power, almost none in fact, he was as human as he could be without losing his grace. However, as much as he couldn’t see into a person’s soul, he could feel it. And that was enough.
“Can I buy you a drink?” Castiel looked up to the guy who had just sidled up to him. He was a jock, that he was sure of, and while he was pretty enough, he was also drunk, way to sure of himself and had less than honourable intentions.
“I’m good thanks,” he said, giving his best smile as he glanced over his shoulder at the girls… who were flanked by what appeared to be Mr Jock’s friends.
“Are you sure?” he asked, “Cause your friends there seem to be a little busy. Wouldn’t want you to feel lonely.”
“Yeah I’m sure,” he said, turning back to the bar, hoping that he would take the hint and just go.
“Seriously, what are you having?” he asked as he forcefully turned him round to face him.
“Seriously, I’m fine,” he said as he jerked back from him.
“You listen to me…”
“Hey baby. Sorry I’m late. Traffic was a nightmare,” some guy in a leather jacket said as he stepped in between them, his back to Mr Jock and giving Castiel a wink, “You get the drinks in yet?”
“Uh, no,” Castiel said, glancing up at Mr Jock and noting the very confused look on his face quickly turning to anger, “No I was just about to.”
“Great,” he said before leaning in and placing a kiss on his cheek, “My name’s Dean,” he whispered.
“Cassie,” he whispered back, jumping slightly when Mr Jock grabbed him on the shoulder and turned him round to face him.
“Hey big guy,” Dean said, “What’s shakin?”
“I was here first,” he said, “Get your own.”
“Ah well, that’s where your wrong,” Dean told him, “Cause she is my own. Now I suggest you back off before you regret it.”
“Or what?” Mr Jock asked.
Dean sighed, “Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” he muttered before pulling his head back and head butting Mr Jock, sending him to the floor in an unconscious heap. Dean turned back to Castiel and smiled softly, “You alright?” he asked.
“Yeah, but I’m not sure you’re gonna be.”
Dean turned back round to see Mr Jock’s friends all standing there, looking less than pleased.
“Ah,” Dean said, “Well Cas, it was nice meeting you,” he said as he leaned down and placed a soft kiss on his lips, “But I gotta run.”
And with that, he disappeared just as quickly as he had appeared at his side. A handful of jocks running after him. Castiel turned to watch him fly away out of the door, his jacket shining in the bright neon light in the bar window and his hand raised high over his head as he gave the jocks the finger. Castiel couldn’t stop himself from smiling before turning back to the bar and finally ordering his drinks.
When he made his way back over to the table, the jocks having gone, the girls smiled up at him.
“Who the hell was that?” Olivia asked.
Castiel shrugged, “Said his name was Dean.”
“You ever seen him before?” Sarah asked as she accepted her drink.
“I think I would remember if I had,” Castiel said.
Olivia and Sarah grinned horribly evil grins at the same time, “You like him,” Sarah stated.
Castiel shrugged, “He was cute,” he said, remembering the way his bright green eyes had sparkled with mischief and his cheeks were sprinkled with light freckles.
Cute wasn’t exactly the right word, but he highly doubted that Olivia and Sarah would appreciate him calling him beautiful. Or that he had a good soul. So channelling Cassie (which helped him be more human), he used the language she would’ve used and settled for cute.
“Well who knows,” Olivia said, “Maybe you’re fated to be together and your paths will cross once more.”
“Maybe,” Castiel said with a smile as he lifted his drink to his mouth.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Two days later and Castiel walked into the laundromat to begin doing his laundry. He had been up rather late the night before working on a paper and so was rather tired that morning. Which is why he didn’t notice the person standing in front of him until he walked right into them.
“Oh, God, I’m sorry,” he said before freezing, the person he had walked into, was none other than Dean, “Hey.”
Dean grinned, “Hey,” he said, “Cas right?”
“Cassie,” Castiel corrected him, even though he kind of liked the idea of Dean calling him Cas.
“Right, sorry,” Dean nodded, “So, how you been?”
“Fine, thank you,” Castiel said, “What are you doing here?”
Dean smiled, “Laundry.”
“Right, right,” Castiel nodded, “Sorry, I was working late last night. My brain still hasn’t started to function yet.”
Dean laughed and hopped up onto one of the machines, “Tell me about it,” he said, “I could probably be the next Einstein if it weren’t for all my late nights.”
Castiel smiled and dumped his laundry bag onto the machine next to Dean and began to empty it into another, “So what do you do?” he asked.
“Freelance,” Dean said, “I work with my Dad usually, but he’s out of state on another job so I’m just sort of hanging out here, waiting for him to come back.”
“What kind of freelance?” Castiel asked curiously, a little surprised that he wasn’t a student at the school, the only people he ever met around here were students.
“Vermin,” Dean told him matter of factly, his eyes drifting down to the item of laundry in Castiel’s hand.
Realising that he was standing holding a bra, Castiel quickly threw it into the machine, “Vermin?” he asked trying not to blush.
“Yup. Sorry, it’s not that exciting.”
Castiel shrugged, “At least you’re not a bum living off your parents.”
“Let me guess, the jock the other night?”
“Probably,” Castiel said, embarrassed that he had let that slip and so used the action of turning on the machine as a distraction.
They were both silent for a moment before Dean jumped back off the machine, “You got anywhere else you need to be today?” he asked, “Classes or work?”
“No,” Castiel said with a shake of his head, “I was just gonna procrastinate.”
Dean smiled, and Castiel could feel his breath hitching slightly at just how bright his smile really was, “Tell you what,” he said, “How about I go get us a couple of coffees, some Danish, then when our laundry’s done, you show me what there is to do in this town.”
“I show you?”
“Yeah,” Dean nodded, “I mean, I’m buying the coffees. It’s only fair.”
Castiel couldn’t help but smile, “Deal,” he said.
“Great,” Dean told him before making to step around him to get said coffees, but before he did he stepped back, leaned down and kissed him again, “I’ll be back in five.”
~*~*~*~*~*~
“That was the worst movie I have ever seen,” Castiel said as he walked hand in hand with Dean out of the theatre.
“Oh thank God!” Dean said, “I thought for a minute there you were gonna say you liked it.”
“Like that? Are you kidding me? Gouging my eyes out with hot pokers would be less painful than that.”
Dean smiled, “Hot pokers?”
“Well it would,” Castiel said, only making Dean smile some more as he wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close.
“I’m sorry,” he said as he leaned down and kissed him, “How about you let me make it up to you?”
Castiel looked up into his eyes, saw a flash of lust there and recoiled slightly. And even though he quickly tried to hide his discomfort, Dean had seen it.
“Sorry,” he said as he stood back, “I’m not… we don’t have to.”
“I know,” Castiel said with a sigh, “It’s just, it’s been a while and I guess I’m just kind of nervous.”
Dean took his hand, “I get that,” he said as he reached up with his other hand and pushed his hair away from his eyes, “And whenever you’re ready, so will I be.”
Castiel smiled and leaned up for another kiss, “If there’s one thing I’ve learned about you over these past couple of weeks, it’s that you’re always ready.”
Dean gave a hearty laugh that sent pulses of warmth through Castiel’s body before he wrapped his arm behind Castiel’s back and began to walk them in the direction of Castiel’s apartment.
He didn’t live that far away, just a couple of blocks and so they were there quicker than Castiel would’ve liked.
“So, uh… I’ll see you tomorrow?” Dean asked, looking very worried that Castiel might say no.
Castiel rolled his eyes, “Come on,” he said before dragging Dean inside.
Olivia and Sarah were sitting watching Pretty Woman and both turned to look at Castiel as he walked through the door, their eyes almost bugging out of their head when Dean stepped in after.
“You guys remember Dean?” he asked as he hung up his jacket on the coat hooks, taking Dean’s off him too.
“Ladies,” Dean nodded.
“How was the movie?” Sarah asked, Olivia unable to do much more than grin.
“Awful,” Castiel said as he grabbed a couple of beers from the fridge then took Dean’s hand and led him into his bedroom.
“Nice meeting you,” Dean called, giving them a brilliant smile.
Once inside Castiel’s room, Dean leaned back against the door, “They seem nice.”
“They’re trouble,” Castiel said as he put down the beers on top of his dressing table.
“Really? If they’re trouble, then what does that make you?”
“I’m an angel,” Castiel said with a small smile.
Dean laughed and stepped forward, cupping Castiel’s jaw softly with his hand until he was just holding his chin and stroking his thumb over his lip, “Must be why you’re so beautiful,” he said.
Castiel stared up into his eyes, feeling out his soul as much as he could. Yes Dean wouldn’t say no to sex, but he could see in his eyes that he’d be happy to wait, that he wouldn’t mind going without, so long as he got to spend as much time with him as possible. And with that in mind, Castiel pushed up, kissing him hard.
Dean kissed back, his arms wrapped tight around him as he started to walk them back towards the bed. He lowered them down gently before climbing on top of him. Settling a hand on his hip, his fingers only just skimming under the small top he was wearing.
“You sure about this?” Dean asked quietly.
Castiel nodded, “Yeah. I’m sure.”
Dean smiled softly and leaned down to kiss him again, and all the love and emotion that was poured into that kiss, Castiel knew he had made the right decision.
Dean was very gentle, taking his time to remove their clothes for them, showering Castiel’s body in kisses, his hands gently skimming over his naked flesh, covering it in goose pimples making him tingle with need. Any nerves he was having about what was to come were banished and instead replaced with anticipation.
When Dean entered him, when he pushed inside, he was so unbelievably tender, so worried that he was hurting him that it completely overwhelmed Castiel. But when Dean asked if he was okay, he nodded, knowing now he didn’t want him to stop. And so he didn’t, he continued to move, slowly at first, waiting until Castiel began to push back before he began to speed up slightly. But he still kept things slow, kept things gentle and so intense that it was only a matter of time before Castiel was pushed over the edge.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Three weeks later, and Castiel was sitting at the breakfast bar, watching as Dean washed up the breakfast dishes.
“My Mom and Dad are coming to visit this weekend,” Castiel told him abruptly.
Dean’s back stiffened, “Oh right. Any particular reason?”
“It’s my Dad’s birthday,” he explained, “And since I can’t go there, they’re coming here.”
Dean nodded, and went back to his dishes. Castiel couldn’t help but notice the way his jaw was twitching slightly as he mulled over whatever thoughts were in his head.
“You don’t have to meet them,” he said, “I just…”
Dean sighed, “Cassie, it’s not that I don’t want to. It’s just, I don’t know how long I’m going to be around for. I mean, I could meet them then have to leave the next day.”
“I know, but, I’ve kind of already told my Mom about you. She says she would like to meet you, but would understand if you didn’t want to.”
Dean turned to stare at him, “You told your Mom about me?” he asked, annoyance flashing over his face.
“Well yeah why wouldn’t I?”
“Oh I don’t know, maybe cause we’ve only been dating a few weeks,” Dean snapped, making Olivia who had been on her way out of her room to get her own breakfast, retreat pretty quickly, “It’s not like we’re getting married or anything.”
“Look, my Mom is my best friend, I tell her everything. So yeah, I’m gonna tell her about you even though we’ve only been dating for a few weeks.”
Violently drying his hands on the dishtowel, Dean threw it down on the worktop, “I need to go,” he said as he turned and grabbed his jacket from the coat hook.
“So I take it that means you haven’t told your Dad about me?”
Dean paused half way out the door, looking as if he was going to say something but didn’t, instead just turning and slamming the door behind him.
Castiel ran over to the door and pulled it open, “You’re an ass Dean Winchester!” he shouted before slamming the door himself.
He then went over to the sink and started to finish washing up. He heard Olivia and Sarah’s bedroom doors open, but didn’t turn to them. He couldn’t as he knew if he did, he wouldn’t be able to stop the tears from falling.
“You okay?” Sarah asked.
“Yeah. Fine,” he said quietly.
“You want me to get Tom to go beat him up?” Olivia asked, talking about the guy she was dating at the moment.
Castiel snorted slightly in amusement, “No, it’s fine,” he said, “I wouldn’t want Tom to waste the energy.”
He was tempted to call upon one of his brothers and get them to go and scare the hell out of him, but that wasn’t really the human thing to do. He wasn’t entirely sure how he would deal with him though. At the moment he was too angry to even think about going to talk to him. He could understand why Dean might be a bit uncomfortable, just didn’t understand why he had to be such an ass about it all.
Luckily, neither his Mom nor his Dad asked about Dean when he didn’t show up for lunch or dinner or at all that weekend, seeming to understand that Castiel would talk about him when or if he wanted to. Which he didn’t.
He hadn’t heard from Dean since he’d walked out on Thursday morning, not even one text or a phone call. Nothing. He nearly called him a couple of times, but Sarah and Olivia had assured him that this was the worst thing he could’ve done. So he didn’t. He ignored him right back.
Or at least he did until he left his creative writing class on the Monday afternoon. He was deep in conversation with one of the guys who he sat next to, when someone said hello to him.
Looking up, he was a little surprised to see Dean standing there, holding a small yellow rose and wearing the most apologetic look he had ever seen on anyone. Scowling at him, Castiel turned to his friend, “I’ll catch you later,” he said before turning back to Dean, “What do you want?”
“I’m sorry,” Dean said, “I’m a dick.”
Castiel reached forward and plucked the rose out of his hand, “Yeah, you are.”
“Can I buy you Lunch? Make it up to you?”
“No.”
“Dinner then?”
“I’m busy, I have an assignment to be done for the end of the week.”
Dean nodded, “What about I come over and make you a snack or something to keep you going?” he asked, “I make amazing sandwiches.”
Castiel sighed, “You don’t need to make or buy me food Dean.”
“Then how…”
Castiel reached up and kissed him, “I know you’re sorry. That’s enough for me.”
Dean smiled softly and leaned down for another kiss, taking hold of Castiel’s hand when he pulled back, “I’ve never really done this before,” he admitted, “Never dated anyone longer than a couple of weeks, or felt… felt like this.”
“Well that makes two of us,” Castiel said, “Come on, you can walk me to my next class.”
“What? You’re actually going to class?” Dean asked incredulously, “What about the make up sex?”
Castiel hadn’t thought about that, “Well, when you put it that way.”
Dean grinned as Castiel changed direction and started walking them out of campus and Castiel couldn’t help but grin back.
~*~*~*~*~*~
It was the middle of the night when it happened.
Castiel woke to the sound of guitars. Opening his eyes, he realised that it was Dean’s phone. He watched closely as Dean answered, a frown on his face as he listened to whatever the caller had to say.
“Yeah, sure. See you tomorrow,” he said before hanging up and sighing.
“Who was that?” Castiel asked.
“My Dad,” Dean muttered, “He’s coming to pick me up tomorrow afternoon.”
“Pick you up?”
“Yeah, he’s got another job for us in Kentucky,” he said as he turned and wrapped his arms around Castiel, placing a small kiss on his head.
“Kentucky?” Castiel asked with a frown, “Isn’t that a bit far?”
“No,” Dean said, “I told you, we travel all over for our work.”
“Doesn’t Kentucky have it’s own exterminators?”
Dean sighed and flopped back down onto the bed, covering his face with his hand as he did so.
“Dean?”
“I’m not an exterminator,” he said quietly.
“You’re not?”
“No,” he said with a slight shake of his head, “I’m a hunter.”
“A hunter? Like deer and stuff?” Castiel asked in confusion, not really understanding how that could be classified as a job.
“No. Like ghosts and demons and stuff.”
Castiel stilled. Frozen in fear. He was a Hunter? He was one of them? He knew about his world, about the beings that tormented it. Which meant he could possibly know about angels too, and if he didn’t, he couldn’t let him know either.
“Ghosts and demons?” he asked quietly.
Dean turned to him, “Look, I know it sounds crazy. But I swear I’m not lying.”
“Really?” Castiel asked, aware that he had to play this like a human, that he had to act as if this was the most absurd thing he had ever heard.
“When I was little, my Mom was killed by a demon. Since then, my Dad, my little brother and I have hunted demons, witches, vampires, poltergeists, anything evil and destroyed them.”
Castiel sat up and turned his back on Dean. He couldn’t believe this was happening. After four years, he had finally found someone who made him happy, who was letting him know what it was like to be human and he was going to have to push him away.
“I think you should go,” he said quietly.
Dean reached forward, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder, “Cassie…”
“I said go Dean.”
Dean slowly removed his hand and Castiel felt the bed shifting behind as Dean got up and started to get dressed. Unable to just sit there and watch as Dean got ready to step out of his life, he got up, pulled on his dressing gown and all but ran to the bathroom.
When he got there, he locked the door behind him and slid down it, burying his face in his knees as wept. He stayed there for what felt like an age, long after Dean’s heavy footsteps had marched passed and the apartment door had slammed shut behind him. It wasn’t until Sarah knocked on the door to check on him that he moved.
Reluctantly he stood up and opened the door, unable to do anything but collapse against her as the pain in his chest threatened to consume him. It was a pain he wouldn’t wish upon anyone else, a pain he never wanted to feel again.
~*~ END FLASHBACK ~*~
“So, this guy,” Dean said, “You ever gonna tell me who he was?”
Castiel sighed and turned to look out the window, they were currently sitting outside an old mansion, believing a group of vampires to be nesting there. It wasn’t something that was detrimental to their cause, but vampires had been increasing in numbers recently and Dean seemed to be on a mission to take them all out. And so, with nothing else to do, Castiel had come with him. Although he should’ve known Dean would start interrogating him again.
“I don’t think it would be wise,” Castiel said quietly.
“Why?” Dean asked, “What’ve you got to lose?”
Castiel was quiet for a moment, deciding whether to tell him or not. He could very well lose his friendship, the only friendship he had now really, but Dean was stubborn and would likely not let it drop.
“There was a reason why I was chosen to raise you from Hell,” he said, “Usually, a low ranking angel such as myself would not have been given such a task. It would be left to one of the archangels.”
“Okay…” Dean said, wondering where this was going, “So what’s the reason.”
Castiel turned to look at him, “Because I already had a connection with you. One that was so strong that you would be able to recognise my soul in the blinding fires of the Pit and wouldn’t protest when I gripped onto you.”
Dean frowned as he processed those words, “Wait, what do you mean by connection?”
“You’re not dense Dean. You know fine well what I mean.”
Dean’s jaw fell wide open, “Wait? What? I’m the guy? I… when?” he asked, “When did this happen?”
Castiel dropped his head to stare at his knees, “The first time, eight and a half years ago,” he said, “We dated for about six weeks. Then we broke up and didn’t see each other until four years ago when…” Castiel tailed off, not able to say much more.
“Cassie?” Dean asked, “You’re Cassie?”
“I’m sorry Dean,” Castiel said, “Had I known you were a hunter I would never…”
“Don’t,” Dean said as he turned to look away from him.
“Dean…”
“I don’t want to hear it Cas!” he shouted, “I mean, the only relationship I’ve ever had, the only time I’ve ever loved someone and it was all a lie?”
“It wasn’t a lie Dean,” Castiel argued, “It was all real, all of it. Everything I ever said to you, I meant it. I really did lo…”
“I said don’t,” Dean interrupted before climbing out the car, “Come on, we got some vampires to kill.”
Castiel sighed and followed Dean. He could understand why he was angry, why he was pissed off at him. He supposed he would be too if it were him.
As they moved through the mansion, Castiel had to keep one eye on Dean. He wasn’t being very safe, acting recklessly as he attacked the vampires within. He wasn’t killing them straight away like he should have, instead beating them up a little first, tiring himself out and dropping his guard as he did so.
Castiel made light work of the vampires he came across, killing them with ease, which was just as well as upon killing his last, he noticed that Dean was in trouble.
While beating upon a female vampire, her mate had snuck up behind Dean and attacked him. He was now on the floor, being kicked and beaten. Castiel took three quick strides into the room and used his Angel Stick of Death (Dean’s name for it) and destroyed them both before leaning down to pick up the badly beaten Dean.
“I’m fine,” Dean protested, put me down.
“Very well,” Castiel said, setting Dean’s feet down onto the floor, not at all surprised when Dean stumbled and he had to catch him, “You were saying?”
“Okay, so I might need a little help.”
Castiel did his best to hold back a smile as he led Dean back out to the car. When Dean made to get behind the drivers sear, Castiel steered him to the opposite side, “You’re in no state to drive.”
“Sure I am.”
”Dean.”
“Fine,” Dean relented, “You drive. But if you scratch her, I swear I will kill you.”
Castiel fought against the urge to roll his eyes as Dean gave him the keys and they both climbed into the car.
The ride back to the motel was spent mostly in silence, the only noises being small wines of pain from Dean as he checked his injuries in the rear view mirror, or at least the ones from the neck up. Castiel watched him closely from the corner of his eye, noticing that Dean would glance at him every now and again before looking away quickly. He wanted to say something to him, to find out what was on his mind and how was he feeling about what he had just found out. But he didn’t. He knew that it would only lead to another argument and so he said nothing to him until they were safe inside the motel room once more.
“You should take a shower,” he suggested to him as he nodded towards the bathroom.
Dean halted, jacket half way off his shoulders, “Do I smell bad or something?”
“What?” Castiel asked in confusion before shaking his head, “I was referring to your injuries. The warm water will ease the ache in your muscles, while cleaning your wounds,” he explained, “When you’re done I will dress them for you.”
Dean, for a moment looked like he was about to argue, but at last minute thought the better of it and headed into the bathroom instead. As he left, Castiel realised he too, was probably just trying to avoid having yet another argument with him, which made him smile slightly as after their first, arguing was pretty much all that he and Dean knew how to do… well, arguing and that other thing. The thing that it would do him well not to think about. Dean was a red blooded, heterosexual male, and Castiel was now in a male body, not a female’s. The most he could hope for with him was a friendship. And as he thought that, he realised for the first time just what it was he wanted from all of this, why he had rebelled against heaven for Dean. He was still in love with him.
Just as that thought entered his head, the bathroom door opened, steam billowing out into the room and with it, a moist Dean wearing nothing but a towel.
Castiel knew he was blushing, but was finding it difficult to look away.
“What?” Dean asked him as he noticed the blush, “Not like it’s anything you haven’t seen before.”
Castiel didn’t respond to that, instead turning to remove his coat and jacket before rolling up his sleeves, “Sit down,” he said as he reached for the med kit.
Dean perched on the end of the bed, the humour that had been in his eyes moments before all but gone now as the pain from his wounds and bruised torso came flooding back.
Sitting the first aid kit down on the bed next to Dean, Castiel crouched down and begun to tend to his injuries. He tried to be as gentle as he could as he applied the paper stitches and small dressings before finally applying a soothing ointment. His fingers worked their way slowly over his muscles, up his chest and down his shoulders before finally moving up to his face. As softly as he could, he spread the ointment over his brow and down his cheek until he paused just above his top lip. It was then that he really looked at Dean and not just his bruises.
He was breathing hard, gripping tight at his towel covered thighs, his cheeks were flushed, his eyes closed and his head was tilted to the side, leaning into Castiel’s hand, enjoying the way in which his skin was being caressed.
“I should go,” Castiel said as he removed his hand.
Dean opened his eyes, lust pouring out of them as he stared down at Castiel, “Only if you really want to,” he said quietly, his voice almost a whisper.
“Dean, I…”
“Shh,” Dean said as he brought his finger up to his mouth, preventing him from saying anything more, “Back then, was it you or her that I went on dates with? Who I laughed and fought with? Was it you or her that I used to watch sleep, used to feel like I was walking on air every time I saw a smile on that face? Was it you or her who I made love to every night?” he asked, “Tell me. I need to know.”
Castiel felt his chest tighten a little, making him take a deep breath in, “It was me,” he told him in a whisper, “All of it. It was me.”
Castiel hadn’t really been sure where Dean had been going with all of this, but one thing he did not expect was for Dean to bend down and kiss him, much in the same way he had at the Laundromat all those years ago. When he pulled back though, he wasn’t grinning or smiling cockily, like he had before, but was instead staring down at him with a look of utter nervousness.
“Dean,” Castiel said quietly as he took his hand, “This form, this body is different to Cassie’s.”
“No shit,” Dean muttered.
“I do not mean by gender,” Castiel said with a small smile, “I mean that while I was with Cassie, we were one in the same. One entity if you will. I was human except for a couple of abilities I was left with. With Jimmy, it was different again, every moment was a fight for his body to contain me, we were separate and shouldn’t have been able to exist at the one time. Living inside of him was a very precarious and my existence within him could’ve destroyed his body at any time. All it needed was the right push.”
“And now?”
“Now… I merely appear human. Jimmy is gone. His body was destroyed by Raphael. When I was brought back, I was given this visage, a human looking body of my own, as it is one that you would recognise, would trust.”
“So what you’re saying is, you’re all angel now?” Dean asked, “There’s no humanity in you?”
“Well... not unless you have your way,” Castiel joked.
Dean grinned, “Castiel, you have a smutty mind,” he said, laughing softly.
Castiel smiled with him before schooling his features into a serious frown once more, “But I’m serious Dean,” he said, “This could be very dangerous. I do not know how my body will respond to pleasure.”
Dean cupped his face and leaned down once more, “Well I guess we best find out the huh?”
THE END