Are You Up For Some Fun, Guys?!
HERE'S what I thought might be fun.
I have a bottle of prosecco and a copy of Twilight.
It's DRUNKEN MOVIE REVIEW!
Edit 1: There are no kids who look like this in high school in a small town. Sorry, lol.
Edit 2: WTMotherF is that the guy from ER??
Edit 3: SPOILER ALERT: It's not Noah Wyle. It's Takmet from The Scorpion King! Apparently.
Edit 4: This girl is mousefaced. Maybe if I yell enough she'll hear me. WHATEVER MOUSEFACED GIRL NO ONE'S MOUSE POINTER MOVES THAT SMOOTHLY. AND NO ONE'S GOOGLE COMES UP ANYTHING WORTHWHILE LIKE YOURS. (suspension of disbelief)
You know, there are surprising moments of clarity in this movie. The lady who directed Thirteen clearly knows what she's doing directing the tweenie girls. Um, her leads though, not so much. They're still as annoying as I expected. Stunt driving though! Awesome!
Edit 5: I saw a movie on Lifetime once where the kid from "Wonder Years" is an overbearing boyfriend, real controlling and shit, and he kills the girl who played DJ from "Full House" because she did something that made him mad. This is kind of reminding me of that right now.
And no, Tim, this guy does not look like you. Maybe if you looked like a freakshow. Like this guy. I don't know his name. Let's call him freakshow.
Edit 6: Shit, I just wrote this awesome edit about a Lifetime movie I saw once with that kid from "The Wonder Years' and DJ from "full House," but it got deleted. Because.
Edit 7: Oh Jesus, I just realized that was Edit 5. BHahhahahhaha,
Edit 8: Who the shit did they get to do the music for this? It sounds like Angelo Badalamenti's retarded loser uncle.
Edit 9: Alright, that was kind of hott.
Edit 10: "And so the lion fell in love with the lamb." - alright, why is that so hott?? What a cheesy ass line. But I'd hit it if I were you, mousefaced girl.
Edit 11: Mouseface-ologue. LAME.
Edut 12: "edut" hahahahhahahaa
Edit 13: This music is getting on my fuckin nerves.
Edit 14: Also, the fast motion when there doesn't need to be fast motion? Guys? Does he need to vampire it up when he's going over to open the car door for her? Uhhhh guys?
Edit 15: OK, fuckin sue me, but I am actually loving this vampire family scene. The makeup is wonky on the mom. Keep an eye out for this fun fact!
Edit 16: Stupid art, guys. For vampires.
Edit 17: "You better hold on tight, spider monkey," is a line I plan on using in everyday life.
Also, this house reminds me creepily of my friend Ellen Sutton's house. Or I guess she used to be my friend in middle school.
Edit 18: A little over halfway through and I've run out of wine. No fears! Here's something else to look for: watch for the makeup to disappear at about 1:15:40. Hott kiss, but watch for those Mormon values to show themselves! Joseph Smith beats lust FTW!!!!
Edit 19: A possible sighting of Fall Creek Falls State Park? Could be...
Edit 20: Stupid music in the baseball scene ahoy.
Edit 21: This just got gay again. Maybe it'll change. THat's what this movie's all about. Taking you on a drunken roller coaster ride from shitty to hott. Just like high school.
Edit 22: Dude. This bad-vampire guy looks like BRAN! (kind of)
Edit 23: Okay. Mouseface's acting. Sucks. Balls. BUT. It's okay. I can stand it.
Edit 24: It's a pop culture phenomenon, but this father-daughter catch-up moment is not cutting it for me. Maybe it cuts it for a different generation whose family is already broken. Not that breaks in the middle while you're living it. Apologies for the moment of recognisance.
Edit 25: Bunker full of cars? BUNKER FULL OF CARS?
Edit 26: So teh angst. Visually alright though. I'm being forreal.
Edit 27: Did this movie just try to reach out to the dudes who got duped into going to see it? I'm confused.
Edit 28: Shaking the cell phone is not going to help.
Edit 29: Note to self: squirting a vampire with mace is not going to work. He will only make some sort of directorial quip and continue with killing you.
Edit 30: Final fight scene = alright by me. Except she should be bleeding more.
Edit 31: Goddamit.
Yeah, okay...watch it. Watch it, as I said of Watchmen, if you want to see how the book turns out. There are some hott moments. There are even some great moments. But of course, then there are the moments that will probably be too gross to handle, if you have no wish to be seventeen again.
And that's it! I made it through Twilight and a bottle of prosecco and I still lived to tell! HOORAY!
I'm sleepy :(
I have a bottle of prosecco and a copy of Twilight.
It's DRUNKEN MOVIE REVIEW!
Edit 1: There are no kids who look like this in high school in a small town. Sorry, lol.
Edit 2: WTMotherF is that the guy from ER??
Edit 3: SPOILER ALERT: It's not Noah Wyle. It's Takmet from The Scorpion King! Apparently.
Edit 4: This girl is mousefaced. Maybe if I yell enough she'll hear me. WHATEVER MOUSEFACED GIRL NO ONE'S MOUSE POINTER MOVES THAT SMOOTHLY. AND NO ONE'S GOOGLE COMES UP ANYTHING WORTHWHILE LIKE YOURS. (suspension of disbelief)
You know, there are surprising moments of clarity in this movie. The lady who directed Thirteen clearly knows what she's doing directing the tweenie girls. Um, her leads though, not so much. They're still as annoying as I expected. Stunt driving though! Awesome!
Edit 5: I saw a movie on Lifetime once where the kid from "Wonder Years" is an overbearing boyfriend, real controlling and shit, and he kills the girl who played DJ from "Full House" because she did something that made him mad. This is kind of reminding me of that right now.
And no, Tim, this guy does not look like you. Maybe if you looked like a freakshow. Like this guy. I don't know his name. Let's call him freakshow.
Edit 6: Shit, I just wrote this awesome edit about a Lifetime movie I saw once with that kid from "The Wonder Years' and DJ from "full House," but it got deleted. Because.
Edit 7: Oh Jesus, I just realized that was Edit 5. BHahhahahhaha,
Edit 8: Who the shit did they get to do the music for this? It sounds like Angelo Badalamenti's retarded loser uncle.
Edit 9: Alright, that was kind of hott.
Edit 10: "And so the lion fell in love with the lamb." - alright, why is that so hott?? What a cheesy ass line. But I'd hit it if I were you, mousefaced girl.
Edit 11: Mouseface-ologue. LAME.
Edut 12: "edut" hahahahhahahaa
Edit 13: This music is getting on my fuckin nerves.
Edit 14: Also, the fast motion when there doesn't need to be fast motion? Guys? Does he need to vampire it up when he's going over to open the car door for her? Uhhhh guys?
Edit 15: OK, fuckin sue me, but I am actually loving this vampire family scene. The makeup is wonky on the mom. Keep an eye out for this fun fact!
Edit 16: Stupid art, guys. For vampires.
Edit 17: "You better hold on tight, spider monkey," is a line I plan on using in everyday life.
Also, this house reminds me creepily of my friend Ellen Sutton's house. Or I guess she used to be my friend in middle school.
Edit 18: A little over halfway through and I've run out of wine. No fears! Here's something else to look for: watch for the makeup to disappear at about 1:15:40. Hott kiss, but watch for those Mormon values to show themselves! Joseph Smith beats lust FTW!!!!
Edit 19: A possible sighting of Fall Creek Falls State Park? Could be...
Edit 20: Stupid music in the baseball scene ahoy.
Edit 21: This just got gay again. Maybe it'll change. THat's what this movie's all about. Taking you on a drunken roller coaster ride from shitty to hott. Just like high school.
Edit 22: Dude. This bad-vampire guy looks like BRAN! (kind of)
Edit 23: Okay. Mouseface's acting. Sucks. Balls. BUT. It's okay. I can stand it.
Edit 24: It's a pop culture phenomenon, but this father-daughter catch-up moment is not cutting it for me. Maybe it cuts it for a different generation whose family is already broken. Not that breaks in the middle while you're living it. Apologies for the moment of recognisance.
Edit 25: Bunker full of cars? BUNKER FULL OF CARS?
Edit 26: So teh angst. Visually alright though. I'm being forreal.
Edit 27: Did this movie just try to reach out to the dudes who got duped into going to see it? I'm confused.
Edit 28: Shaking the cell phone is not going to help.
Edit 29: Note to self: squirting a vampire with mace is not going to work. He will only make some sort of directorial quip and continue with killing you.
Edit 30: Final fight scene = alright by me. Except she should be bleeding more.
Edit 31: Goddamit.
Yeah, okay...watch it. Watch it, as I said of Watchmen, if you want to see how the book turns out. There are some hott moments. There are even some great moments. But of course, then there are the moments that will probably be too gross to handle, if you have no wish to be seventeen again.
And that's it! I made it through Twilight and a bottle of prosecco and I still lived to tell! HOORAY!
I'm sleepy :(