More Than Pretending
Title: More Than Pretending
Characters: Jensen/Jared
Rating: R
Medium: Fic
Word Count: 3200
Summary: Jensen and Jared have been best friends since before they could talk. There's nothing they wouldn't do for each other. So, when Jensen keeps on getting harassed, Jared offers to be his pretend boyfriend to get the jackass off his case. They were already so close, it's not like anyone could doubt their love. Especially not when Jared was in love with Jensen for real.
A/N: Written for Round 4 of the spn_masquerade or well the start of it is, posted here for the prompt: Asexual!Jensen. Jared and Jensen are roommates in college, and have been best friends since they were very young. Jensen has never really been interested in sex or dating, and had to say no to a lot of people. Eventually Jared offers to pretend to be his boyfriend so Jensen can move around campus in peace. There's only one problem. Jared really wished he was Jensen's boyfriend for real...
It is now complete and I would like to dedicate it to sillie82 hope you like it hon. And with special thanks, as always, to the ever lovely tmn1966 for all her support and encouragement.
Jensen was a lot of things. Most people would probably call him reserved. Quietly confident, smart -really wicked smart- and thoughtful, which generally made him come across as the strong, silent and mysterious type. Not to mention the fact that he was drop dead gorgeous. Everybody wanted a piece of him. And it was Jensen’s worst nightmare. He could barely leave their dorm room without being hit on by any number of guys or girls. He found it all rather stressful.
And that’s where Jared came in.
You see Jensen was also Jared’s roommate and best friend. BFF really. Jared liked to maintain that they’d been best friends since the womb. Their parents had met and become close at their Lamaze class. Jensen always smiled at him in an indulgent you're crazy but I still love you kind of way, when he said that obviously Jensen and Jared had telepathically orchestrated the whole thing.
Psychic or not Jared knew how to make his best friend feel better. They were lying on top of Jensen’s bed, face to face, interlocking and unlocking their fingers as Jared stroked Jensen’s arm and shoulder. Jensen wasn’t looking at Jared though, he was watching their fingers.
There was this guy in Jensen’s psych class who kept trying to grope Jensen’s ass, and Jensen didn’t always manage to pull away in time. He knew Jensen wanted to punch the guy, and Jared had offered to do it for him, but Jensen didn’t want either of them to be getting into any altercations. Jensen said it wasn’t worth it. Jared wasn’t so sure.
“Jensen-” he said softly, taking a firmer hold of Jensen’s hand to give his fingers a squeeze, forcing him to look into his eyes.
Jensen shook his head and sighed, “I don’t know how many more ways I can say I’m not interested.”
“Well, what if I was your boyfriend?”
“What?” bewilderment scrunching Jensen’s brow, and honestly Jared didn’t know where that had come from either, those were the kind of thoughts he liked to tamper down. He knew Jensen didn’t feel that way.
“You know, we could pretend,” and he shrugged his shoulder, “Let people think I’m your boyfriend. I mean, hell, half the people we meet assume we are anyway. Might cut down on the number of advances you get.”
Jensen blinked and pushed himself up into a sitting position, and Jared followed. He watched as Jensen pinched the bridge of his nose before dropping his hand to cover his mouth, scrubbing across his lips, “Jared,” he shook his head, “I can’t ask you to do that.”
“You’re not. I’m offering.”
Why am I offering to do this? This was possibly the worst decision he’d ever made.
And it didn’t seem to make Jensen feel any better, he chewed the corner of his lip, “Let me think about it?”
“Of course,” Jared smiled leaning in to place a kiss against Jensen’s temple and he pulled his best friend into his arms, just like he would on any other given day. As if he hadn’t just proposed to torture himself with what could never truly be.
“Thanks, Jay,” Jensen smiled back and they both flopped back down, “We should get food.”
“Wait. You’re suggesting a plan that involves movement?”
“Shut up. Last I checked, I’m the only one of the two of us who still plays soccer every week.”
“I run.”
“Yeah, yeah. Food, Padalecki. You’re not going to tell me you need more motivation?”
“Let’s go.”
Jared pushed himself up and then held out his hand to tug Jensen to his feet too. Jared was probably just being ridiculous. Jensen would decline his offer. Maybe even just not bring it up. And everything would just be as it always had been and would be for the rest of time. Probably.
And it was looking to go that way exactly up until a few days later. They were supposed to be studying. Books were open and everything.
Jensen had his pen resting between his fore and middle fingers, and it was going at a million miles a minute. Jared was fairly certain it was about to go flying. Which meant Jensen wanted to tell him something. He only got fidgety when he wanted to talk about something.
And if he was fidgeting it meant that he’d already thought it through from every conceivable angle. And now he wanted to run it by Jared.
Jared didn’t like to push him on these things. Sometimes he needed to ruminate a little more. And sometimes asking made Jensen close up. So Jared would wait ‘til Jensen offered up his thoughts.
“Jay-”
“Hmm?” Jared said without looking up from his notes.
“You know that thing you said-?”
And Jared pushed himself up to sit on the edge of his bed as Jensen got up, crossing the room to sit next to him.
Jared bumped their knees together and gave Jensen an encouraging smile.
Jensen returned the smile, scratching the top of his head and he cleared his throat, “The thing about being my boyfriend? Pretend, I mean. How serious were you?”
Jared shrugged, “You know I’d do anything for you, man.”
“Jared. Please. I’m not kidding around.”
“I know. And I’m not either.”
Jensen smiled faintly and Jared took his hand and Jensen squeezed back, “Will you pretend to be my boyfriend?”
“I will…so what, are you gonna give me a promise ring now?”
Jensen punched his arm, “Shut up.”
“You already told someone we’re dating. Didn’t you?”
Jensen sighed as he pushed his hand back through his hair, a slight blush tinting his cheeks, “I just couldn’t take him grabbing my ass anymore.”
Jared worried his lip and shook his head, he still didn’t get how anyone of their generation could be such a dirtbag, but he didn’t want Jensen thinking about that jackass anymore, “Does that mean I get to grab your ass?”
“Ha. Ha.” Jensen said dryly.
“Seriously. You gotta give me ground rules so I know what we’re doing. I mean the whole point is so that you don’t feel uncomfortable. And I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
“Jared,” said a la silly old bear, “You’ll just be you. And we’ll be us. But, I guess we’ll just have to be more public about it.”
“Like how?”
“Like you putting your arm around me and…stuff. Dude, you are never not in my personal space...”
“Hey, if I’m crowding you-”
“You know full well that I’ve never objected to having you in my space. And you’re usually pretty good at sussing out when I need it to myself.”
“Ha! I knew you believed in our psychic connection!”
Jensen just shook his head, shoving Jared playfully.
They went back to studying and gave it a good solid hour before stomachs started rumbling. Jensen was tying his laces and Jared was watching him, “Can I kiss you?”
“What?” Jensen’s brow furrowing as he sat back up.
“If I kiss you for the first time in public, I don’t want you freaking out about it.”
“I’m not going to freak out. And you’ve kissed me plenty of times.”
“Not on the lips I haven’t.”
“Okay.”
“Okay as in ‘okay I can kiss you’ okay?”
Jensen nodded and he stood up, stepping into Jared’s space and Jared smiled. He cupped Jensen’s arms before sliding his hands round to Jensen’s back to rub gently, but he didn’t lean in all the way just then.
“You really think we’ll have to kiss?” Jensen asked as he wrapped his own arms around Jared’s waist.
“As pretend boyfriends? You think as real ones we wouldn’t?”
Jensen let his teeth sink into his bottom lip, glancing down at Jared’s chest and then back up into his eyes, “But no tongues, right?”
“No tongues. Unless otherwise stated by you.”
“Okay.” Jensen nodded and Jared caressed Jensen’s cheek as he leaned in for their first ‘boyfriendly’ kiss. Yup. Jensen was going to be the death of him.
Jensen was right. Nothing really changed between them. They had always walked each other to and from their classes, well as much as their schedules allowed, they didn’t share every class. They’d promised each other -and their parents- that they wouldn’t just take something because the other was. But they weren’t not gonna choose a class just because the other had picked it either.
They’d always liked to spend as much of their time together as possible. And that was before Jared had fallen in love. He couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment when it had started to happen. When Jensen had bought up every share of Jared’s heart. Jensen just didn’t know it. And up until this point Jared had done everything within his power to prevent Jensen from ever knowing.
That was until his mouth had decided to act without his permission. And now they were holding hands whenever they walked in public.
And while Jared may not have grabbed Jensen’s ass per se, he had slid his hand into the back pocket of Jensen’s jeans a couple of times. And only the second time because Jensen had said he was okay with it the first.
And when it came to Jensen’s Psych classes Jared was all for making a bigger show of it so that Mr-Grab-Ass would get the message. He’d used his towering height to full effect as he stared him down with a look that very clearly said You even think about touching my boyfriend again and you’re dead. before giving Jensen a goodbye kiss. Pushing just far enough while still respecting Jensen’s wishes. It took everything in him not to lose himself to it.
But they had to sell it though, right? And everyone was buying. All their other friends kept saying things like how I always knew you two should be together or I knew it! or finally! All except for Danneel, who at least had the decency to wait until she got him on his own before smacking him upside the back of his head, “Ow.”
“I can’t believe you’re actually going through with this. What were you thinking?” she was the one person within whom he could confide all his feelings for Jensen.
“I don’t know. I wasn’t thinking anything. The words just came out of me,” he pushed his hand back through his hair and rubbed where she’d smacked him, they’d already had variations of this conversation, back when it had first filtered through his head, and then again when it had somehow pitched itself to Jensen, and well now, “I never thought he’d go along with it.”
“How long are you going to go along with it?”
“Well Jensen said we could call it off if I met someone I wanted to be with for real.”
Danneel gave him an uh-huh kind of look, “And you’re going to be actively looking for someone while pretending to be Jensen’s boyfriend?”
“Not actively. No.”
“Right. Because that would defeat the purpose of you being his knight in shining armour. So how are you going to meet this someone when you are pretending to be unavailable and one hundred and ten percent devoted to your fake boyfriend who you are in love with for real?”
“Danni-”
“Jared.”
He sighed. He knew she was right, but, “When I kiss him, it feels like there could be something more, and I think Jensen might feel it too.”
“Might? And what are you basing this on? Did he say something?”
Jared shook his head, “Just the look in his eyes. But- don’t look at me like that, Danni, I swear it’s real. And it’s different. He’s never looked at me like that before.”
“Well. Then you should ask him about it.”
“No.”
“Jared-”
“Danni, no. If I ask him before he’s ready to talk about it-, before he’s digested it, then it’ll be over. He’ll dismiss it.”
“I don’t think Jensen would dismiss your feelings-”
“No, not mine. His. You don’t know him like I do.”
Danneel sighed, “I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”
“I know,” he said quietly, tugging her into his side to kiss the top of her head.
“Okay, Padalecki,” she closed her fingers in the front of his shirt, “I’ll back your play.”
“Thanks, Danni.”
Jensen slid his fingers across his mouth and then sighed, “I’m going to have to break up with Jared.”
“Jensen-” Chris started but Jensen didn’t need to hear it.
“Fake break up with him. Whatever. I can’t keep doing this to him,” it wasn’t right or fair.
Chris’s eyebrow shot up at that, “And what are you doing to him exactly?”
“Holding him back? Falling more deeply in love with him than I have any right to?” Jensen had always been at least half in love with Jared, but it wasn’t something he’d really entertained. Even when Jared had come out as gay, Jensen had never dared to dream that Jared would want to be with him. “I thought I could handle it. I mean, shit, it’s not like anything we do or share has changed.”
“Apart from the kissing.” Chris said, and it was then Jensen realised he’d been touching his lips and he dropped his hand.
The kissing. Jensen shook his head as he pushed his hand back through his hair, “I didn’t think it would make me feel any different. But I do. And it does.”
And the longer they kept up the charade the more it made Jensen want. And the more painful he knew the hurt would be when it was over.
“Why don’t you tell him that?”
“Jared deserves better. More.”
“What, ‘cause you’re not good enough?”
“Jared likes sex. And I don’t want to make him feel bad about that. Or like he’s missing out.”
“I don’t think Jared sees it that way.”
“How can-”
Chris shrugged, “Let’s just say you’re not the only one falling more deeply in love.”
“But how-”
“I say what I see. And, Jensen, that boy has it bad. And so do you.”
Jensen wanted to believe him, in those little moments where his lips connected with Jared’s he could swear he felt Jared feel it too, but, “He’s my best friend. I don’t want to lose him,” Jensen didn’t want to jeopardize what they already had.
“Then don’t be stupid.”
Jensen narrowed his eyes a little, lightly jabbing Chris’s arm.
Chris held up his hands, “Just saying what I see.”
Over the following weeks there were several occasions where Jensen had been on the verge of telling Jared that he didn’t have to waste his time on him anymore. That Jared should pursue any of the guys who had attempted to flirt with him. But Jensen hadn’t been able to go through with it. Every time when Jared looked at him after saying, Sorry, I’m with my boyfriend to whoever, he’d give Jensen this smile that just made Jensen want to kiss his stupid beautiful face for forever. And Jensen would kiss him and Jared would just smile all the brighter.
Made Jensen feel ten times guiltier than he did before.
They were lying on top of Jensen’s bed watching a movie and Jared was wrapped round him completely, his chest pressed to Jensen’s back, his chin resting on Jensen’s shoulder. Jensen had his arm resting on top of Jared’s their fingers interlocked.
“Jared?” Jensen said as he glanced over his shoulder to look at him.
“Hmm?” Jared said as he rolled onto his back to allow Jensen to roll over onto his other side so that they could see each other properly. Jensen closed his eyes as Jared’s fingers brushed through the ends of his hair.
Jensen took a breath trying to steel his resolve and he forced his eyes back open. “You know you don’t have to...” Jensen’s teeth sunk down in the corner of his bottom lip as he paused, “I mean, we’re alone-”
“We don’t have to snuggle? But we always...I mean it’s not...snuggling...but we were always this close before-”
“I know that. But if you didn’t want to-”
“I want to.” And God, Jared said it so firmly. So sure. Jensen really couldn’t help himself, he pushed Jared’s hair back from his face and tucked it behind his ear before leaning in for a kiss that Jared reciprocated immediately.
Jensen let himself fall back, wrapping his arms around Jared as he shifted to settle down on top of Jensen and between his legs. Jensen licked Jared’s lip for entrance to his mouth to deepen the kiss and it was everything Jensen had ever hoped it could be. Gave him that swoopy feeling in his belly that people always talked about. Their noses slid together and brushed against their cheeks as their lips pressed and parted and Jared whispered breathily, “Can I-”
Jensen nodded as he ran his hands down Jared’s back to his hips, and he hooked his thumbs through the loops of Jared’s jeans. He could feel the tension in them, the restraint Jared was exerting, the need to snap, push forward, “Yes,” and he was happy to let Jared grind down against him as they continued to make out. When Jared reached his climax Jensen just held onto him, one hand in Jared’s hair the other gently caressing his back.
“I’m sorry,” Jared breathed against his neck.
Jensen smiled, “Don’t be. But I need you to understand that I won’t be able to offer you much more than this. I mean there are other things I’d do but...” Jensen bit his lip as Jared pushed himself up enough to see his face.
“Jensen, what are you saying?”
Jensen cupped Jared’s shoulders and gave them a small squeeze, “If I wanted you to be my boyfriend, for real...if you wanted to be mine, then well, there are certain things that I can’t give to you and if you wanted/needed them. Then I’d have to let you go,” and Jensen’s voice wavered a little on those last words. It was something he never wanted to have to do.
Jared shook his head, “I never want to be with anyone else,” his voice full of conviction.
And with everything he was Jensen wanted to share that conviction just as strongly, but still, “You can’t know that.”
“But I do. You’re the love of my life, Jensen.”
“Jared-”
“Are you in love with me?”
“Yes,” Jensen swallowed round the emotion that engulfed his voice.
“Then let’s be together. For real.”
“Okay. Yes. That’s what I want with you.”
“Good,” and then Jared kissed him, hard, making him breathless, and he could feel Jared’s grin against his face, “You wouldn’t mind if I was to go clean myself up, would you?”
Jensen laughed, “Go on then. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I denied you fresh underwear?”
Jared smirked, “I probably shouldn’t answer that.”
Jensen shook his head, scrunching his nose a little as he caught Jared’s drift, “Please don’t.”
“I’ll be good,” Jared said as he got up and he bent back down to give Jensen a quick kiss.
Characters: Jensen/Jared
Rating: R
Medium: Fic
Word Count: 3200
Summary: Jensen and Jared have been best friends since before they could talk. There's nothing they wouldn't do for each other. So, when Jensen keeps on getting harassed, Jared offers to be his pretend boyfriend to get the jackass off his case. They were already so close, it's not like anyone could doubt their love. Especially not when Jared was in love with Jensen for real.
A/N: Written for Round 4 of the spn_masquerade or well the start of it is, posted here for the prompt: Asexual!Jensen. Jared and Jensen are roommates in college, and have been best friends since they were very young. Jensen has never really been interested in sex or dating, and had to say no to a lot of people. Eventually Jared offers to pretend to be his boyfriend so Jensen can move around campus in peace. There's only one problem. Jared really wished he was Jensen's boyfriend for real...
It is now complete and I would like to dedicate it to sillie82 hope you like it hon. And with special thanks, as always, to the ever lovely tmn1966 for all her support and encouragement.
Jensen was a lot of things. Most people would probably call him reserved. Quietly confident, smart -really wicked smart- and thoughtful, which generally made him come across as the strong, silent and mysterious type. Not to mention the fact that he was drop dead gorgeous. Everybody wanted a piece of him. And it was Jensen’s worst nightmare. He could barely leave their dorm room without being hit on by any number of guys or girls. He found it all rather stressful.
And that’s where Jared came in.
You see Jensen was also Jared’s roommate and best friend. BFF really. Jared liked to maintain that they’d been best friends since the womb. Their parents had met and become close at their Lamaze class. Jensen always smiled at him in an indulgent you're crazy but I still love you kind of way, when he said that obviously Jensen and Jared had telepathically orchestrated the whole thing.
Psychic or not Jared knew how to make his best friend feel better. They were lying on top of Jensen’s bed, face to face, interlocking and unlocking their fingers as Jared stroked Jensen’s arm and shoulder. Jensen wasn’t looking at Jared though, he was watching their fingers.
There was this guy in Jensen’s psych class who kept trying to grope Jensen’s ass, and Jensen didn’t always manage to pull away in time. He knew Jensen wanted to punch the guy, and Jared had offered to do it for him, but Jensen didn’t want either of them to be getting into any altercations. Jensen said it wasn’t worth it. Jared wasn’t so sure.
“Jensen-” he said softly, taking a firmer hold of Jensen’s hand to give his fingers a squeeze, forcing him to look into his eyes.
Jensen shook his head and sighed, “I don’t know how many more ways I can say I’m not interested.”
“Well, what if I was your boyfriend?”
“What?” bewilderment scrunching Jensen’s brow, and honestly Jared didn’t know where that had come from either, those were the kind of thoughts he liked to tamper down. He knew Jensen didn’t feel that way.
“You know, we could pretend,” and he shrugged his shoulder, “Let people think I’m your boyfriend. I mean, hell, half the people we meet assume we are anyway. Might cut down on the number of advances you get.”
Jensen blinked and pushed himself up into a sitting position, and Jared followed. He watched as Jensen pinched the bridge of his nose before dropping his hand to cover his mouth, scrubbing across his lips, “Jared,” he shook his head, “I can’t ask you to do that.”
“You’re not. I’m offering.”
Why am I offering to do this? This was possibly the worst decision he’d ever made.
And it didn’t seem to make Jensen feel any better, he chewed the corner of his lip, “Let me think about it?”
“Of course,” Jared smiled leaning in to place a kiss against Jensen’s temple and he pulled his best friend into his arms, just like he would on any other given day. As if he hadn’t just proposed to torture himself with what could never truly be.
“Thanks, Jay,” Jensen smiled back and they both flopped back down, “We should get food.”
“Wait. You’re suggesting a plan that involves movement?”
“Shut up. Last I checked, I’m the only one of the two of us who still plays soccer every week.”
“I run.”
“Yeah, yeah. Food, Padalecki. You’re not going to tell me you need more motivation?”
“Let’s go.”
Jared pushed himself up and then held out his hand to tug Jensen to his feet too. Jared was probably just being ridiculous. Jensen would decline his offer. Maybe even just not bring it up. And everything would just be as it always had been and would be for the rest of time. Probably.
And it was looking to go that way exactly up until a few days later. They were supposed to be studying. Books were open and everything.
Jensen had his pen resting between his fore and middle fingers, and it was going at a million miles a minute. Jared was fairly certain it was about to go flying. Which meant Jensen wanted to tell him something. He only got fidgety when he wanted to talk about something.
And if he was fidgeting it meant that he’d already thought it through from every conceivable angle. And now he wanted to run it by Jared.
Jared didn’t like to push him on these things. Sometimes he needed to ruminate a little more. And sometimes asking made Jensen close up. So Jared would wait ‘til Jensen offered up his thoughts.
“Jay-”
“Hmm?” Jared said without looking up from his notes.
“You know that thing you said-?”
And Jared pushed himself up to sit on the edge of his bed as Jensen got up, crossing the room to sit next to him.
Jared bumped their knees together and gave Jensen an encouraging smile.
Jensen returned the smile, scratching the top of his head and he cleared his throat, “The thing about being my boyfriend? Pretend, I mean. How serious were you?”
Jared shrugged, “You know I’d do anything for you, man.”
“Jared. Please. I’m not kidding around.”
“I know. And I’m not either.”
Jensen smiled faintly and Jared took his hand and Jensen squeezed back, “Will you pretend to be my boyfriend?”
“I will…so what, are you gonna give me a promise ring now?”
Jensen punched his arm, “Shut up.”
“You already told someone we’re dating. Didn’t you?”
Jensen sighed as he pushed his hand back through his hair, a slight blush tinting his cheeks, “I just couldn’t take him grabbing my ass anymore.”
Jared worried his lip and shook his head, he still didn’t get how anyone of their generation could be such a dirtbag, but he didn’t want Jensen thinking about that jackass anymore, “Does that mean I get to grab your ass?”
“Ha. Ha.” Jensen said dryly.
“Seriously. You gotta give me ground rules so I know what we’re doing. I mean the whole point is so that you don’t feel uncomfortable. And I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
“Jared,” said a la silly old bear, “You’ll just be you. And we’ll be us. But, I guess we’ll just have to be more public about it.”
“Like how?”
“Like you putting your arm around me and…stuff. Dude, you are never not in my personal space...”
“Hey, if I’m crowding you-”
“You know full well that I’ve never objected to having you in my space. And you’re usually pretty good at sussing out when I need it to myself.”
“Ha! I knew you believed in our psychic connection!”
Jensen just shook his head, shoving Jared playfully.
They went back to studying and gave it a good solid hour before stomachs started rumbling. Jensen was tying his laces and Jared was watching him, “Can I kiss you?”
“What?” Jensen’s brow furrowing as he sat back up.
“If I kiss you for the first time in public, I don’t want you freaking out about it.”
“I’m not going to freak out. And you’ve kissed me plenty of times.”
“Not on the lips I haven’t.”
“Okay.”
“Okay as in ‘okay I can kiss you’ okay?”
Jensen nodded and he stood up, stepping into Jared’s space and Jared smiled. He cupped Jensen’s arms before sliding his hands round to Jensen’s back to rub gently, but he didn’t lean in all the way just then.
“You really think we’ll have to kiss?” Jensen asked as he wrapped his own arms around Jared’s waist.
“As pretend boyfriends? You think as real ones we wouldn’t?”
Jensen let his teeth sink into his bottom lip, glancing down at Jared’s chest and then back up into his eyes, “But no tongues, right?”
“No tongues. Unless otherwise stated by you.”
“Okay.” Jensen nodded and Jared caressed Jensen’s cheek as he leaned in for their first ‘boyfriendly’ kiss. Yup. Jensen was going to be the death of him.
Jensen was right. Nothing really changed between them. They had always walked each other to and from their classes, well as much as their schedules allowed, they didn’t share every class. They’d promised each other -and their parents- that they wouldn’t just take something because the other was. But they weren’t not gonna choose a class just because the other had picked it either.
They’d always liked to spend as much of their time together as possible. And that was before Jared had fallen in love. He couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment when it had started to happen. When Jensen had bought up every share of Jared’s heart. Jensen just didn’t know it. And up until this point Jared had done everything within his power to prevent Jensen from ever knowing.
That was until his mouth had decided to act without his permission. And now they were holding hands whenever they walked in public.
And while Jared may not have grabbed Jensen’s ass per se, he had slid his hand into the back pocket of Jensen’s jeans a couple of times. And only the second time because Jensen had said he was okay with it the first.
And when it came to Jensen’s Psych classes Jared was all for making a bigger show of it so that Mr-Grab-Ass would get the message. He’d used his towering height to full effect as he stared him down with a look that very clearly said You even think about touching my boyfriend again and you’re dead. before giving Jensen a goodbye kiss. Pushing just far enough while still respecting Jensen’s wishes. It took everything in him not to lose himself to it.
But they had to sell it though, right? And everyone was buying. All their other friends kept saying things like how I always knew you two should be together or I knew it! or finally! All except for Danneel, who at least had the decency to wait until she got him on his own before smacking him upside the back of his head, “Ow.”
“I can’t believe you’re actually going through with this. What were you thinking?” she was the one person within whom he could confide all his feelings for Jensen.
“I don’t know. I wasn’t thinking anything. The words just came out of me,” he pushed his hand back through his hair and rubbed where she’d smacked him, they’d already had variations of this conversation, back when it had first filtered through his head, and then again when it had somehow pitched itself to Jensen, and well now, “I never thought he’d go along with it.”
“How long are you going to go along with it?”
“Well Jensen said we could call it off if I met someone I wanted to be with for real.”
Danneel gave him an uh-huh kind of look, “And you’re going to be actively looking for someone while pretending to be Jensen’s boyfriend?”
“Not actively. No.”
“Right. Because that would defeat the purpose of you being his knight in shining armour. So how are you going to meet this someone when you are pretending to be unavailable and one hundred and ten percent devoted to your fake boyfriend who you are in love with for real?”
“Danni-”
“Jared.”
He sighed. He knew she was right, but, “When I kiss him, it feels like there could be something more, and I think Jensen might feel it too.”
“Might? And what are you basing this on? Did he say something?”
Jared shook his head, “Just the look in his eyes. But- don’t look at me like that, Danni, I swear it’s real. And it’s different. He’s never looked at me like that before.”
“Well. Then you should ask him about it.”
“No.”
“Jared-”
“Danni, no. If I ask him before he’s ready to talk about it-, before he’s digested it, then it’ll be over. He’ll dismiss it.”
“I don’t think Jensen would dismiss your feelings-”
“No, not mine. His. You don’t know him like I do.”
Danneel sighed, “I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”
“I know,” he said quietly, tugging her into his side to kiss the top of her head.
“Okay, Padalecki,” she closed her fingers in the front of his shirt, “I’ll back your play.”
“Thanks, Danni.”
Jensen slid his fingers across his mouth and then sighed, “I’m going to have to break up with Jared.”
“Jensen-” Chris started but Jensen didn’t need to hear it.
“Fake break up with him. Whatever. I can’t keep doing this to him,” it wasn’t right or fair.
Chris’s eyebrow shot up at that, “And what are you doing to him exactly?”
“Holding him back? Falling more deeply in love with him than I have any right to?” Jensen had always been at least half in love with Jared, but it wasn’t something he’d really entertained. Even when Jared had come out as gay, Jensen had never dared to dream that Jared would want to be with him. “I thought I could handle it. I mean, shit, it’s not like anything we do or share has changed.”
“Apart from the kissing.” Chris said, and it was then Jensen realised he’d been touching his lips and he dropped his hand.
The kissing. Jensen shook his head as he pushed his hand back through his hair, “I didn’t think it would make me feel any different. But I do. And it does.”
And the longer they kept up the charade the more it made Jensen want. And the more painful he knew the hurt would be when it was over.
“Why don’t you tell him that?”
“Jared deserves better. More.”
“What, ‘cause you’re not good enough?”
“Jared likes sex. And I don’t want to make him feel bad about that. Or like he’s missing out.”
“I don’t think Jared sees it that way.”
“How can-”
Chris shrugged, “Let’s just say you’re not the only one falling more deeply in love.”
“But how-”
“I say what I see. And, Jensen, that boy has it bad. And so do you.”
Jensen wanted to believe him, in those little moments where his lips connected with Jared’s he could swear he felt Jared feel it too, but, “He’s my best friend. I don’t want to lose him,” Jensen didn’t want to jeopardize what they already had.
“Then don’t be stupid.”
Jensen narrowed his eyes a little, lightly jabbing Chris’s arm.
Chris held up his hands, “Just saying what I see.”
Over the following weeks there were several occasions where Jensen had been on the verge of telling Jared that he didn’t have to waste his time on him anymore. That Jared should pursue any of the guys who had attempted to flirt with him. But Jensen hadn’t been able to go through with it. Every time when Jared looked at him after saying, Sorry, I’m with my boyfriend to whoever, he’d give Jensen this smile that just made Jensen want to kiss his stupid beautiful face for forever. And Jensen would kiss him and Jared would just smile all the brighter.
Made Jensen feel ten times guiltier than he did before.
They were lying on top of Jensen’s bed watching a movie and Jared was wrapped round him completely, his chest pressed to Jensen’s back, his chin resting on Jensen’s shoulder. Jensen had his arm resting on top of Jared’s their fingers interlocked.
“Jared?” Jensen said as he glanced over his shoulder to look at him.
“Hmm?” Jared said as he rolled onto his back to allow Jensen to roll over onto his other side so that they could see each other properly. Jensen closed his eyes as Jared’s fingers brushed through the ends of his hair.
Jensen took a breath trying to steel his resolve and he forced his eyes back open. “You know you don’t have to...” Jensen’s teeth sunk down in the corner of his bottom lip as he paused, “I mean, we’re alone-”
“We don’t have to snuggle? But we always...I mean it’s not...snuggling...but we were always this close before-”
“I know that. But if you didn’t want to-”
“I want to.” And God, Jared said it so firmly. So sure. Jensen really couldn’t help himself, he pushed Jared’s hair back from his face and tucked it behind his ear before leaning in for a kiss that Jared reciprocated immediately.
Jensen let himself fall back, wrapping his arms around Jared as he shifted to settle down on top of Jensen and between his legs. Jensen licked Jared’s lip for entrance to his mouth to deepen the kiss and it was everything Jensen had ever hoped it could be. Gave him that swoopy feeling in his belly that people always talked about. Their noses slid together and brushed against their cheeks as their lips pressed and parted and Jared whispered breathily, “Can I-”
Jensen nodded as he ran his hands down Jared’s back to his hips, and he hooked his thumbs through the loops of Jared’s jeans. He could feel the tension in them, the restraint Jared was exerting, the need to snap, push forward, “Yes,” and he was happy to let Jared grind down against him as they continued to make out. When Jared reached his climax Jensen just held onto him, one hand in Jared’s hair the other gently caressing his back.
“I’m sorry,” Jared breathed against his neck.
Jensen smiled, “Don’t be. But I need you to understand that I won’t be able to offer you much more than this. I mean there are other things I’d do but...” Jensen bit his lip as Jared pushed himself up enough to see his face.
“Jensen, what are you saying?”
Jensen cupped Jared’s shoulders and gave them a small squeeze, “If I wanted you to be my boyfriend, for real...if you wanted to be mine, then well, there are certain things that I can’t give to you and if you wanted/needed them. Then I’d have to let you go,” and Jensen’s voice wavered a little on those last words. It was something he never wanted to have to do.
Jared shook his head, “I never want to be with anyone else,” his voice full of conviction.
And with everything he was Jensen wanted to share that conviction just as strongly, but still, “You can’t know that.”
“But I do. You’re the love of my life, Jensen.”
“Jared-”
“Are you in love with me?”
“Yes,” Jensen swallowed round the emotion that engulfed his voice.
“Then let’s be together. For real.”
“Okay. Yes. That’s what I want with you.”
“Good,” and then Jared kissed him, hard, making him breathless, and he could feel Jared’s grin against his face, “You wouldn’t mind if I was to go clean myself up, would you?”
Jensen laughed, “Go on then. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I denied you fresh underwear?”
Jared smirked, “I probably shouldn’t answer that.”
Jensen shook his head, scrunching his nose a little as he caught Jared’s drift, “Please don’t.”
“I’ll be good,” Jared said as he got up and he bent back down to give Jensen a quick kiss.