Public Announcement
I have something very sad to tell you, ladies and gentlemen. I have been kicked out of my house and will no longer have any access to a computer. I now scramble to write this in my best friend's brother's room as he is out for the morning. I won't be on the garden anymore, or here, or anywhere. There will be no way to contact me except through the phone numbers I have given and even then I am not sure how long I can pay for them. I have no money, no food, no place to go after this week. I will probably have to stay in some shelters till the university finds a room for me. Don't worry for me! I will be alright and can handle anything that comes my way!
I am in complete shock right now, I never thought this would happen again! You see, when I first met you I had just come back home. My mother kicked me out the first time when I was sixteen, I stayed away for about nine months. The very night I returned, I switched on the computer and the rest is history baby.
This is my life I suppose, the strong are always suppose to go through trials right? I have had trial after trial, adversary after adversary, yet I have always miraculously triumphed. I mean really, I have been saved by the hair on my chinny, chin, chin!! I am still one of the luckiest bitches alive! But I am tired, I am worn. Sometimes I feel like going to sleep and not waking up for a real long time. Sometimes if I concentrate hard enough, I feel as if I can leave and just shoot straight for heaven. If there is one...There is no easy way out for me, there never was and I am afraid never will be. Thank God I am strong! So much has hit my heart, so much has been on my weary mind! I am surprised that I haven't been broken yet. I won't be broken, I can't and I won't. No, this is just the next act or phase or line or whatever pretty cool little metaphor people like to use. This will be hard, it will be difficult, but if anyone can do it, if anyone can still triumph, it's me! I am more determined than ever!
You know, it seems that whenever my family cannot control my will, they seek to hurt me and abandon me when I really need them. I have always experienced that, the betrayal of my loved ones. Whenever I pull one of my usual stunts and inevitably do it against their rather sound advice, they sit back and watch me struggle. I guess they expect that I can manage...but I am tired of managing. I just want someone to be there for me when I fall, instead of turning their backs on me. Truth be told, I need my mother still! I am trying to do something spectacular with my life! I suppose it is of no consequence to her.
You know, I almost died four times this week. Once in a head on collision on the freeway, then in a wall and car collision on the freeway, a side swipe on the freeway, and now a side swipe on the highway getting to this house I am now in. Last night, red lights were of no consequence to me. I just ran right through them...I am convinced of my die-hard luck!!
When I got to the house I just stood outside, hearing the icy wind rip through the trees, and feeling the nicotine flow through my viens. I almost passed out at the wheel, I was hyperventilating so much! I just stared up into the night sky calling on everyone to help me, even on being that can't possibly hear me. It made me feel better to pretend that they did.
Will someone please let everyone know where I have gone? I don't want anyone to worry for me, I am your tough cookie remember? Tough Cookie, what a perfect metaphor for me. You can post this whole thing if you want, I leave this for all the world to see.
I love you, all of you, very much and will think of you always. I cannot wait to come back, I just don't know when. I hope that the garden still exists then. I am sorry if this isn't a pretty prose or whatever, but I am not up for sugar coating today.
I have nothing left to say except that I will never forget you and that my heart will carry you till I die.
Angelina the lackluster and as of late, cracked, torn, and bruised.
I am in complete shock right now, I never thought this would happen again! You see, when I first met you I had just come back home. My mother kicked me out the first time when I was sixteen, I stayed away for about nine months. The very night I returned, I switched on the computer and the rest is history baby.
This is my life I suppose, the strong are always suppose to go through trials right? I have had trial after trial, adversary after adversary, yet I have always miraculously triumphed. I mean really, I have been saved by the hair on my chinny, chin, chin!! I am still one of the luckiest bitches alive! But I am tired, I am worn. Sometimes I feel like going to sleep and not waking up for a real long time. Sometimes if I concentrate hard enough, I feel as if I can leave and just shoot straight for heaven. If there is one...There is no easy way out for me, there never was and I am afraid never will be. Thank God I am strong! So much has hit my heart, so much has been on my weary mind! I am surprised that I haven't been broken yet. I won't be broken, I can't and I won't. No, this is just the next act or phase or line or whatever pretty cool little metaphor people like to use. This will be hard, it will be difficult, but if anyone can do it, if anyone can still triumph, it's me! I am more determined than ever!
You know, it seems that whenever my family cannot control my will, they seek to hurt me and abandon me when I really need them. I have always experienced that, the betrayal of my loved ones. Whenever I pull one of my usual stunts and inevitably do it against their rather sound advice, they sit back and watch me struggle. I guess they expect that I can manage...but I am tired of managing. I just want someone to be there for me when I fall, instead of turning their backs on me. Truth be told, I need my mother still! I am trying to do something spectacular with my life! I suppose it is of no consequence to her.
You know, I almost died four times this week. Once in a head on collision on the freeway, then in a wall and car collision on the freeway, a side swipe on the freeway, and now a side swipe on the highway getting to this house I am now in. Last night, red lights were of no consequence to me. I just ran right through them...I am convinced of my die-hard luck!!
When I got to the house I just stood outside, hearing the icy wind rip through the trees, and feeling the nicotine flow through my viens. I almost passed out at the wheel, I was hyperventilating so much! I just stared up into the night sky calling on everyone to help me, even on being that can't possibly hear me. It made me feel better to pretend that they did.
Will someone please let everyone know where I have gone? I don't want anyone to worry for me, I am your tough cookie remember? Tough Cookie, what a perfect metaphor for me. You can post this whole thing if you want, I leave this for all the world to see.
I love you, all of you, very much and will think of you always. I cannot wait to come back, I just don't know when. I hope that the garden still exists then. I am sorry if this isn't a pretty prose or whatever, but I am not up for sugar coating today.
I have nothing left to say except that I will never forget you and that my heart will carry you till I die.
Angelina the lackluster and as of late, cracked, torn, and bruised.