A Letter to 2012
(Crossposted on FB Notes.)
Hey 2012,
So, it's your last day. Interesting, isn't it? Somehow you felt like you weren't going to end, and yet here we are. To be quite honest I actually feel it's too sudden now.
And maybe it's the lack of sleep, or it's just how I'm feeling right at this very moment, but upon reflecting I have realized something:
I am not going to miss you.
I suppose you think that's a mean thing to say, not exactly the kind of tone one would like to end a year with, but hear me out: I don't hate you. At one point, I probably did. I probably hated you more than I should, but in the end - it's not your fault. You didn't exactly catch me at my best, with how 2011 decided to end and all. Hell, you're just a bunch of numbers some ancient culture decided to use to define just how many orbital periods have passed since the "first" one. You're not even that accurate.
But you see, as far as "orbital periods" that I have experienced go, you were definitely... something.
I can't say you're the worst. You're not the first year that I've ever felt this way with, so to speak. You do have your awful, horrible moments, but you also had some of the most subtly amazing and memorable ones. The ones that, I ironically might not have felt and/or experienced if you hadn't put me through all that shit. And if anything, I'd rather remember you for that instead.
That is why I will not miss you. Maybe I'm exaggerating, but I don't remember myself going through so many things, emotions, thoughts, and everything else in between as much as I've had with you. It's actually pretty surreal to feel your thoughts and emotions change as they do. Even more surreal is how fast they seemed to do so. I once said to a friend that emotions cannot be categorized into black and white because "it's a motherfucking rainbow." But it's actually even more than that, I think. It's an entire color wheel with all its pantone and spectrum and finish - and basically, for 366 days I felt like I was all over that color wheel. And frankly, I'm not sure I'm done jumping around just yet.
Heh. I just realized it's kind of funny that I'm using colors as a reference, considering I suck at it. (Okay I probably don't suck THAT bad, but I sorta think I do.)
In summation - you're like this class I took, or the professor who taught it. The point is it was a big pain in the ass. My classmates and I cried, cursed, banged our heads to the wall just to get through it. But in the midst of it all, we would be lying if we say we didn't grow, experience, learn, that by the end of that class we have actually gained maybe more than we will ever realize. And with all that emotions and effort we have put in on that class, who's to say we didn't actually love it?
But like hell I'd take that class again.
So here's to you, 2012. May you be done teaching me the things that you need to. I don't think I will miss you. But I most definitely will not forget you.
Cheers!
Happy New Year. :)