I woke up.
Good morning. This is probably mostly brainfart that I need to write down. You have been warned.
Today, when I woke up I finally realized I'm doing something wrong about something, and I need to stop. Being there is one thing, but poking your nose into every thing that strikes me as strange or unknown is another. I probably knew this already, but I'm just too stubborn to let things go. I realize I'm probably the type that has difficulty letting things go. I've worked on it, but I guess I need to try harder.
For the past months I thought it's better if I'll just be myself, regarding this situation. While I still think this is true, I realize that it wasn't a valid reason for me to interrogate someone just out of my own curiosity. There are such things as boundaries, limits. Just because I was familiar about things once, doesn't mean I still can do these things.
In general I just need to care less. Honestly, I have too much going on already. The last thing I need to do is give myself bad vibes by messing with stuff that I shouldn't be messing with.
Here's to hoping I'll stick to this realization better. I mean, I almost did it last night. But I was this close to needlessly shaking things up again, too. I just wish the damage I have caused taking my sweet time to come to this realization isn't beyond repair. But if it is, then, I guess that's just how it has to happen. I can be hard on myself, hate myself for being such a retard, but what for? Yeah, I kind of regret it. A part of me is mentally kicking me in the head after, and sometimes even while I go do these crazy things I know I shouldn't be doing. But this is who I am - I am "that girl with the crazy eyes." (HIMYM reference, yes.)
Don't get me wrong. It's not that I'm not sorry for going crazy on people sometimes. Especially (and ironically) towards those closest to me. I am trying to work on keeping the crazy on a leash, honestly. It's just that I need to accept that the crazy is a part of me. And some people just can't get into that. Especially people who--- get exposed to the crazy. Lots and lots of times.
It's just my way of telling myself that--- One person might be able to understand you, tolerate you, but that doesn't mean the other person would. And it's no one's fault. Sometimes, people are just wired differently.
- - -
Today marks the first day of my attempt on this 21 Days thing: For 21 days I shall have no candy, no cake, no donuts, no muffins, no white bread, no chips, no fast food, no pastries, no ice cream. With my office's location having only Mini Stop as its nearest and most convenient source of food? GOOD LUCK TO ME.
It doesn't help that I'm already craving for mocchi ice cream on the first day. LMAO. Watdahel.
Forget it, I'll start tomorrow. LMAO. (My mom decided to buy pizza for lunch because we have guests.)