Entry 150: Loose Screw or Mind Fuck
I’m made to feel that what I have been doing for about six years now has been a waste of time and that for all my actions “they” have found no merit whatsoever in my passion. It is ironic that the institutions that I have purposely avoided for what they stand for are contradictory to my principles, are the same institutions I’ve currently chosen to save me from my present laughable or rather undesirable state. In account of my of own self-worth, it truly is demeaning to experience the kind of treatment that I subjected myself to when I bothered to approach them fully-aware beforehand yet hopeful nonetheless that they still haven’t lost of their humanity.
Perhaps, a shot in the head would have hurt so much less. If it weren’t for supportive friends, family and the boyfriend I’d be ranting through other venues, embarrassing myself for doing so - allowing such common matters to consume me this long. Although the whole experience does put things into perspective especially with a similar incident at work that happened just last week wherein the consultant (a former strategist for the Department of National Defense) advised me that the setback caused by the presence of other parties who’d do anything to stop us isn’t enough reason to stop pursuing our goals.
That wasn’t six years down the drain either. Eventually I told a friend who bothered to console me that it’s unfair to consider meaningless my work - a result of my having been brought up by my parents (1) a little bit more provided for such that I don’t waste my time hungry for wealth or power, and (2) considerate of the welfare of others.
Maybe this is why I ended up in a drinking party last Friday and Saturday. Overflowing martinis, vodkas, tequilas, beer, and wine... All the Mudslides, Jagermeister, Baileys, Absolut, Cuervo, and San Miguel you want. I still had control of myself ofcourse. I wouldn’t want to have my boyfriend carry me back to the flat for being too selfish and indulgent.
* * * * * * *
Peejei: I hope you appreciate my work. It matters that you do.
Peter: I do babe. *mwah*
Perhaps, a shot in the head would have hurt so much less. If it weren’t for supportive friends, family and the boyfriend I’d be ranting through other venues, embarrassing myself for doing so - allowing such common matters to consume me this long. Although the whole experience does put things into perspective especially with a similar incident at work that happened just last week wherein the consultant (a former strategist for the Department of National Defense) advised me that the setback caused by the presence of other parties who’d do anything to stop us isn’t enough reason to stop pursuing our goals.
That wasn’t six years down the drain either. Eventually I told a friend who bothered to console me that it’s unfair to consider meaningless my work - a result of my having been brought up by my parents (1) a little bit more provided for such that I don’t waste my time hungry for wealth or power, and (2) considerate of the welfare of others.
Maybe this is why I ended up in a drinking party last Friday and Saturday. Overflowing martinis, vodkas, tequilas, beer, and wine... All the Mudslides, Jagermeister, Baileys, Absolut, Cuervo, and San Miguel you want. I still had control of myself ofcourse. I wouldn’t want to have my boyfriend carry me back to the flat for being too selfish and indulgent.
* * * * * * *
Peejei: I hope you appreciate my work. It matters that you do.
Peter: I do babe. *mwah*