To leave or not to leave?
This will no doubt read like University Emo-ing so feel free to just skip over it, but if I don't get it all off my chest I'm gonna go nuts.
I took on the 4th year as I was admittedly not quite ready to leave and my parents were really hot on me getting a BA Hons degree. The actual degree itself means nothing to me whatsoever. Any industry I would like to get into isn’t interested in the slightest about your grades (or even if you went to Uni or not), it’s all about the work. I don’t even get the self satisfaction of feeling like I’ve achieved something, quite the opposite, as this course has been nothing but a let-down and any progression I have made has been despite ‘The University of the West of Scotland’ and not thanks to it.
I already have a resit due to a genuine software catastrophe last semester (which I managed to recover from quite well if I do say so myself) and I now find myself with around a month to do a ridiculous amount of work. A body of work I only today realised is realistically insurmountable. So what do I do? Toms class is nearly finished so I might as well stick with that regardless, the SFX class I haven’t started yet (neither have most people, there’s reasons for this) and I’m so far behind on my project that I don’t think it matters what I do it’s either going to be terrible or just flat out not finished.
So where does that leave me? I stress myself out for the next few months (including resits) in a fruitless attempt to get some form of pass for something I don’t even need? I resit half of the year and waste yet more time at University? Or I magically scrape together enough work for a bare-bones pass, completely defeating the purpose of me doing 4th year. None of these are worth this amount of stress.
I have other opportunities at the moment. An online friend of mine wants to start up a gaming development website, an evolution of our old (and rather large) RPGMaker community we used to head. Sounds a bit lame I know however from what I know he’s a damn good programmer and wants to make an online game with myself as the 3D artist, perhaps trying to get it on XBLA once it’s completed.
There are a few competitions running around the comic book community at the moment, again another long shot but it is all about getting your name out there. I’ve been getting advice from the people who head Marvel and they all say the same things. That I should be getting my name out there, building a portfolio, get some comics made and the likes.
Now I know that it was I should technically be doing with my project, however I am so far behind that with the time I have I’m going to produce a pile of balls. More importantly, it’s killing my love for 3D art. I am beginning to loathe everything about 3D which, if I’m honest with myself, is just a distraction to my true problem which is that I hate my work. I have completely lost all confidence and it is just getting worse. Now when I open up Maya I don’t know what I’m doing, I’m apprehensive and restrained, I’m always looking for the quick fix, I can’t settle on anything and I’m creatively dry. I’m stressed and I can’t organise my thoughts, resulting in me just going in blind with no clear direction, producing crap and having to start over (which would explain why I’ve worked so hard and have nothing to show for it). It’s completely wrecking me as a person, I show the brave face around my mates but I’ve been so unbelievably miserable these past few months, no doubt to Natalie’s dismay (bless her). My family have also noticed my change in mood as I’m known to not stress out about things or feel the pressure when the shit hits the fan.
It all boils down to the fact that my sole purpose was to produce a good project this year, and due to Toms class and poor prioritising on my part that is no longer possible. I’m not interested in grades or degrees so why am I putting myself through this? If it wasn’t for letting people down and being thought of as a quitter I would just forget all about this course, cut my losses, scrap the next few months of misery and start fresh with my own work, with the ultimate goal of truly improving my skills and making a name for myself in the big bad world. Oh to enjoy my work again.
P.S. Bry was smart to this shit 1 year before I was. I bow to his infinite wisdom.
I took on the 4th year as I was admittedly not quite ready to leave and my parents were really hot on me getting a BA Hons degree. The actual degree itself means nothing to me whatsoever. Any industry I would like to get into isn’t interested in the slightest about your grades (or even if you went to Uni or not), it’s all about the work. I don’t even get the self satisfaction of feeling like I’ve achieved something, quite the opposite, as this course has been nothing but a let-down and any progression I have made has been despite ‘The University of the West of Scotland’ and not thanks to it.
I already have a resit due to a genuine software catastrophe last semester (which I managed to recover from quite well if I do say so myself) and I now find myself with around a month to do a ridiculous amount of work. A body of work I only today realised is realistically insurmountable. So what do I do? Toms class is nearly finished so I might as well stick with that regardless, the SFX class I haven’t started yet (neither have most people, there’s reasons for this) and I’m so far behind on my project that I don’t think it matters what I do it’s either going to be terrible or just flat out not finished.
So where does that leave me? I stress myself out for the next few months (including resits) in a fruitless attempt to get some form of pass for something I don’t even need? I resit half of the year and waste yet more time at University? Or I magically scrape together enough work for a bare-bones pass, completely defeating the purpose of me doing 4th year. None of these are worth this amount of stress.
I have other opportunities at the moment. An online friend of mine wants to start up a gaming development website, an evolution of our old (and rather large) RPGMaker community we used to head. Sounds a bit lame I know however from what I know he’s a damn good programmer and wants to make an online game with myself as the 3D artist, perhaps trying to get it on XBLA once it’s completed.
There are a few competitions running around the comic book community at the moment, again another long shot but it is all about getting your name out there. I’ve been getting advice from the people who head Marvel and they all say the same things. That I should be getting my name out there, building a portfolio, get some comics made and the likes.
Now I know that it was I should technically be doing with my project, however I am so far behind that with the time I have I’m going to produce a pile of balls. More importantly, it’s killing my love for 3D art. I am beginning to loathe everything about 3D which, if I’m honest with myself, is just a distraction to my true problem which is that I hate my work. I have completely lost all confidence and it is just getting worse. Now when I open up Maya I don’t know what I’m doing, I’m apprehensive and restrained, I’m always looking for the quick fix, I can’t settle on anything and I’m creatively dry. I’m stressed and I can’t organise my thoughts, resulting in me just going in blind with no clear direction, producing crap and having to start over (which would explain why I’ve worked so hard and have nothing to show for it). It’s completely wrecking me as a person, I show the brave face around my mates but I’ve been so unbelievably miserable these past few months, no doubt to Natalie’s dismay (bless her). My family have also noticed my change in mood as I’m known to not stress out about things or feel the pressure when the shit hits the fan.
It all boils down to the fact that my sole purpose was to produce a good project this year, and due to Toms class and poor prioritising on my part that is no longer possible. I’m not interested in grades or degrees so why am I putting myself through this? If it wasn’t for letting people down and being thought of as a quitter I would just forget all about this course, cut my losses, scrap the next few months of misery and start fresh with my own work, with the ultimate goal of truly improving my skills and making a name for myself in the big bad world. Oh to enjoy my work again.
P.S. Bry was smart to this shit 1 year before I was. I bow to his infinite wisdom.