Harder to breathe...
[ for angel_afterlife ]
The lobby was getting a little crowded for my tastes. Gunn, Lorne, Spike, Harmony... it was all a little much. I wordlessly excused myself from the room, looking only to Lorne as I did so. "Just... make yourself at home. You know you're welcome to," I told him, offering what I hoped was a warm smile, if on the small side. I turned and left then, taking the stairs up to the second floor as quickly as I could without running. I took the next flight of stairs up to the hallway to my room, leaving the voices of everyone else behind. Silence. Blessed silence. Not that I'd be listening to silence for long.
I had to call Nina. I had to stop putting it off, because I had to talk to Cordy before too much time passed. Before she got so mad at me that everything would be irreversable. There would be no balancing of the scales, no matter how much she wanted it, no matter how hard we both tried. It couldn't be done. It was impossible. One of us would always see the scales as uneven. We're people, we perceive things differently. Things just wouldn't work out if that was the solution we were aiming for. We had to talk, we had to work through our problems and our differences and salvage, at the very least, our friendship. I knew I couldn't bear losing Cordy as a friend. I wasn't going to let that happen.
But first things first.
I sat down in my usual chair and stared at the phone on the table beside me. That phone was looking mighty formidable. Next to it was the legal pad I had used to scribble my notes on. Most of them were crossed out, things I knew I couldn't say. I wasn't good at breaking up with people. I really wasn't. If I'd known what the circumstances would be, I could have saved everyone all this trouble... but how could I have known? None of us had ever even fathomed that we would be back like this. I didn't want to put Nina through the ringer like this. She was a nice girl. She didn't deserve it. But she did deserve to hear from me, now that I was alive and all.
I picked up the receiver and dialed all the necessary numbers it would take me to reach France. When I finally got through to the hotel, I only hesitated for a few short seconds before asking for room 378. And then I waited.
And waited.
And waited.
Nothing. The desk clerk's voice sounded again. "Pardon, monsieur, they aren't in right now. Would you like me to take a message?"
"No," I said quickly, shaking my head even though the clerk couldn't see me. "No, thank you. Merci. That's okay. I'll call back later. B-bye. Au revoir." The clerk said goodbye in turn and I hung up, letting out a long, slow sigh. Well, I'd just used up my quota of courage for the day. What now?
The lobby was getting a little crowded for my tastes. Gunn, Lorne, Spike, Harmony... it was all a little much. I wordlessly excused myself from the room, looking only to Lorne as I did so. "Just... make yourself at home. You know you're welcome to," I told him, offering what I hoped was a warm smile, if on the small side. I turned and left then, taking the stairs up to the second floor as quickly as I could without running. I took the next flight of stairs up to the hallway to my room, leaving the voices of everyone else behind. Silence. Blessed silence. Not that I'd be listening to silence for long.
I had to call Nina. I had to stop putting it off, because I had to talk to Cordy before too much time passed. Before she got so mad at me that everything would be irreversable. There would be no balancing of the scales, no matter how much she wanted it, no matter how hard we both tried. It couldn't be done. It was impossible. One of us would always see the scales as uneven. We're people, we perceive things differently. Things just wouldn't work out if that was the solution we were aiming for. We had to talk, we had to work through our problems and our differences and salvage, at the very least, our friendship. I knew I couldn't bear losing Cordy as a friend. I wasn't going to let that happen.
But first things first.
I sat down in my usual chair and stared at the phone on the table beside me. That phone was looking mighty formidable. Next to it was the legal pad I had used to scribble my notes on. Most of them were crossed out, things I knew I couldn't say. I wasn't good at breaking up with people. I really wasn't. If I'd known what the circumstances would be, I could have saved everyone all this trouble... but how could I have known? None of us had ever even fathomed that we would be back like this. I didn't want to put Nina through the ringer like this. She was a nice girl. She didn't deserve it. But she did deserve to hear from me, now that I was alive and all.
I picked up the receiver and dialed all the necessary numbers it would take me to reach France. When I finally got through to the hotel, I only hesitated for a few short seconds before asking for room 378. And then I waited.
And waited.
And waited.
Nothing. The desk clerk's voice sounded again. "Pardon, monsieur, they aren't in right now. Would you like me to take a message?"
"No," I said quickly, shaking my head even though the clerk couldn't see me. "No, thank you. Merci. That's okay. I'll call back later. B-bye. Au revoir." The clerk said goodbye in turn and I hung up, letting out a long, slow sigh. Well, I'd just used up my quota of courage for the day. What now?