(Untitled)

[gravitas_master]

It's probably the bears doing this. Evolved (not that evolution exists) bears, with a small grasp on biological warfare and the ability to plot. They're systematically poisoning him, with their bear germs

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[limping_twerpmd]

Someone being the doctor who kept getting collared by the brunette nurse--by that point, House had figured out that her name was indeed Brenda, and she didn't care why patients were appearing as long as he took them on. He'd give her credit for that if he cared. Instead, he was stuck with yet another patient and another blank chart.

"Okay, symptoms."

[gravitas_master]

"Excuse me, Intern--" Stephen cracks open an eye, peering to see which one it is.

He's on his feet before he even realizes. "Dr. Gregory House, renegade doctor, man who rejects society's rules with irresistable charm and scruffy good looks -- it is an honor, sir."

Stephen sticks out a hand.

[limping_twerpmd]

That was...a little creepy. House looked at the hand doubtfully. "Who are you, and how do you know who I am?"

[gravitas_master]

There's an awkward beat as Stephen drops his arm.

"You're Gregory House, brilliant rogue diagnostician." He leans in. "I'm sure you'll be honored to know you're my hero."

[limping_twerpmd]

"Yeah, I'm flattered." House probably sounded disturbed, and that was appropriate. He sort of was. Not every day that random patients flat-out told him he was their hero. A hero, sure, if he actually met them once they'd been treated. But their own personal hero was a different story. "So who are you, and what are your symptoms?"

[gravitas_master]

Stephen hesitates. "I'm Stephen. Stephen Colbert. My name's on the build--"

A quick glance at the door assures Stephen that, no, his name is not on the building.

He turns back, terrified. "Where are we? Have I been kidnapped?" He gasps. "It was the bears. It was poison!"

[limping_twerpmd]

At least he had a name. House jotted that down in the chart. "You're at Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. Probably came here through a wormhole, if you were somewhere else and randomly appeared here. Since you know who I am, you know that means you've got the best doctor possible, assuming you tell me what's wrong so you get diagnosed."

[OOC: Excuse any times it takes me a while to reply. I'll just be dying of laughter.]

[gravitas_master]

"Wormhole? I -- I thought I put those On Notice." Stephen pauses to think on this until something hits him. "Wait, I'm in New Jersey?"

He sits down. "Bears probably got you too. Godless killing machines, kidnapping America's finest."

Stephen snaps his head up. "You're a doctor. You can help. We may be facing our deaths, but I shouldn't have to suffer aches amd fevers along the way." He looks around. "Where do you cure me?"

[limping_twerpmd]

Apparently, New Jersey was the last place people thought a wormhole would lead to. House couldn't blame them; it might as well be somewhere interesting, like another planet.

Of course, for some, it had been another planet.

The things about bears and putting wormholes on notice didn't make sense to House, but that didn't mean anything. Fever and aches, on the other hand, were his baliwick. "I'll get you checked in, you get a room, and then you get treated. How long have you had the fever?"

[gravitas_master]

Stephen nods. "I see we're in agreement, then. I knew you were a man who means business." He slumps in his seat a little, the rush of meeting House fizzling out. "Three days. Then the headache came, and now my throat is sore."

He sighs. "It's been tough. But it's America I'm worried about."

[limping_twerpmd]

"I think America can survive while you're treated," House said dryly. And people said he had a massive ego. "Fever, aches, headache, and sore throat. Anything else?" So far, it sounded like a run of the mill flu virus.

[gravitas_master]

Stephen looks scandilized. "Maybe you didn't hear me the first time. I'm Stephen Colbert."

He tries to remain properly indignant, but he's really starting to hurt. "I can't swallow." He sighs. "How can I expect people to swallow the daily doses of Truth I serve them, when I can't do the same?"

[limping_twerpmd]

"Sorry, not relevant to getting you treated." It might make a difference if House knew who Stephen Colbert was, but probably not. "Come on, I'll get you in a room."

[gravitas_master]

Stephan stands to follow. "I knew Tad didn't deserve health insurance. Probably how it was transmitted to me." He rubs his throat, wincing.

"I think I need to lie down." Stephen quickly covers the brief moment of weakness. "To gather my strength. For the fighting."

He had forgotten about the bear threat for a few minutes, so caught up in feeling sick. There were threats to . . . countdown. No, there were--

"My head hurts," Stephen does not whine, "and I'm tired, and there's pain in my bones."

He wishes he could wait this out in the Colbunker instead of--

"Isn't New Jersey fictional?"

[limping_twerpmd]

"Tad? What was wrong with him?" It'd make treatment a lot faster if they knew what it could be. "And no. New Jersey is definitely not fictional." Unless House and his team were fictional. He'd tried wrapping his mind around that possibility before. It had even hurt his head. "Like I said, I'm getting you in a room, so you'll be able to lie down."

[gravitas_master]

"Tad. My building manager? We tumble?" Briefly, Stephen has the thought that maybe House has never watched his show -- he quickly dismisses that. Everyone has seen the show. "Don't worry, I'm sure it'll come to you."

He rolls a shoulder, working out a kink. "Tad called into work sick about a week ago. I would have fired him were it not for that special bond we share that cannot be defined by the English language. Said he had 'mono' and needed some time off. I thought it was a ploy to get health insurance, but I'm starting to think he sold his body to the enemy to be used in biological warfare."