The Ypur Invasion, September 2008
The PPC belongs to Jay and Acacia, the Agents to their authors, and canonical species, places, and things to their continua's respective authors. This was a collaborative effort on the Board back in '08.
The Ypur Invasion
In August, AD 2008 (HST), a robot unloaded a herd of beasts called Ypurs on us. In September, the locking charm gave and they escaped.
Sadly, many PPC records were damaged in the Frozen Argon Incident. Among these were the records of the Ypur recovery efforts; only the first half remains. We must interview the people involved once more and get their stories again. What follows here is the information that survived.
The Blba Tree, Archivist, Department of Internal Affairs.
***
Muttering as he stalked down the hallways, his trusty Keyblade, adorned with even more trustworthy sausages, Agent Lunac shot glares at his partner, one Agent Liadan.
"I can't believe you left the cafeteria door open!" He growled, mostly to himself. "The Ypurs are out AGAIN, and now we have to catch them. You realise the SO is gonna chew our asses out about this, right?"
Giving her partner a seemingly innocent look, one that happened to show every single one of her teeth, Liadan raised an eyebrow. "Is it my fault that the Ypurs can break through magic? I put my best locking charm on there." To illustrate this, her wand, ten inches of willow, with a Mermaid scale, sparked threateningly.
Ignoring Liadan as his eyes caught movement, Lunac reached for one of the six red and white orbs located on his belt. His fingers trailed along until they reached the orb second form the end. Clicking a small button on it, making it enlarge to its usual size, Lunac threw the Pokeball. "Go Apollo!"
From within the sphere, a brst of red energy rocketed out, forming into a creature that was an odd mix between a Kangaroo and a Sheep. The Ampharos bleated, looking at the Ypur in front of it. Having had plenty of experience with these creatures for the past month, and having more brains than most Sue Authors gave a Pokemon credit for, Apollo raised its paws and released a wave of yellow energy towards the Ypur. The Thunder Wave impacted directly, paralyzing the ram-like creature and making it fall to the ground. Giving his Pokemon a thumbs up, Lunac ran past Apollo, pulling out two small black devices and switched them on. Lowering a hand until it lay on the Ypur's broad back, Lunac stretched out with the psychic powers lent to him by the machines and teleported the Ypur back to the cafeteria.
"One down, fifty-nine to go." Lunac murmured to himself.
***
"STU-PE-FY!" said Omicron, and nailed an Ypur with a stun blast. The Ypur photo-negatived and collapsed, out like a light.
Tawaki and Dustin were on their way to the mail room when they ran across four Ypurs. Tawaki cursed in Romulan and sent a message to the DIA.
"Here we go again," sighed Dustin.
Tawaki drew his DL-44, set to stun. Dustin pulled out a pencil-sized device called a Sonic Smiter, recently confiscated from a Forgotten Realms/Doctor Who crossover that shipped Drizzt with Rose. Dustin pointed it at an Ypur and activated it. There came a noise not unlike Sue-squealing, and an Ypur went down. A blast of expanding blue rings from Tawaki's blaster and another went down. K-9 took the other two down.
***
Ansela ducked behind a half-open door, out of sight of the Ypurs stampeding through the cross section ahead of her. She didn't like the things, therefore she didn't even want to look at them.
"Stop hiding, Ansela, and help me out here," Risa resisted the urge to roll her eyes as she watched the Ypurs. "I cannot handle this number of these creatures by myself."
"I ain't coming out and you can't make me," Ansela scowled and reached for her zat, knowing the Shinigami could quite easily drop her in the middle of the Ypurs without being harmed herself if she wanted to. Activating the energy weapon, which looked rather like a stylised snake, she went to stand by her partner. "Can I kill just one of them?"
"We do not yet know what the consequences for killing one of these creatures are," Risa snapped, her eyes closed as she concentrating on focusing her energy.
"Whatever," Ansela's hand snapped up and squeezed the trigger of her zat, blue energy bolts arcing out and striking the Ypurs. Any that were hit collapsed instantly, knocked out by the Goa'uld stun weapon.
"Geki!" Risa yelled, thrusting her palm forwards at the Ypurs. Several of them stopped, paralysed by the red light that engulfed them.
"W00t, we got them!" Ansela did a victory dance, waving her zat above her head madly. Suddenly Risa shoved her backwards, barely pulling her out of the way of an enraged Ypur.
"Do not celebrate until they are all unconscious or restrained," Risa barked, before spinning round to face the dozen Ypurs that were still standing. "Geki!" Three more Ypurs were restrained by the paralysing red light. "Rikuj?k?r?!" One more was caught by six rods of light, which crashed into it from all directions. "Saj? sabaku!" A thick chain wrapped around two of the Ypurs, binding them together from head to tail and preventing them from moving. "Hyapporankan!" A spear of light formed in her hand, which multiplied into a hundred when she threw it, driving the rest of the Ypurs back and impaling the limbs of two of them. Ansela's zat hummed four more times, knocking out the last four Ypurs and preventing them from breaking down the wall of glowing spears.
"You the gal, Risa," Ansela grabbed her partner and pulled her into a kiss, a wicked grin on her face. "Ansela and Risa 1, Ypurs 0."
"We should call Agent Lunac to return these to their proper place. He should be pleased to find that his burden has been lessened by seventeen escaped Ypurs."
Risa pulled a small black butterfly with purple markings from somewhere within her shihakushou and cupped it within her hands. After whispering something to it she released the insect, allowing it to fly off in search of Agent Lunac.
"Um, Risa, how's Lunac meant to know how to take a Hell Butterfly message?" Ansela asked, sitting on one of the unconscious Ypurs.
"If you can figure it out then so can he," Risa ignored Ansela's indignant sputtering and leaned against the wall, unwilling to use one of the blue creatures as a seat and risk getting fur all over her black clothing.
***
Looking around the endless hallways that made up HQ, Lunac began muttering to himself again. He and Liadan had become seperated somewhere around the DoDAEG when a stampede of ten Ypurs seperated them. Liadan had fallen down an inconveniently placed trapdoor that sprouted from under here, while Lunac, used to the HQ making trapdoors appear in his presense, simply rolled his eyes. Calling out the rest of his Pokemon team, he had made quick work of seven of the ten Ypurs while the other three got away. From the crunching noise and resultant squeals of indignation, Lunac assumed the Ypurs hadn't bothered turning when they got to a wall.
After teleporting the knocked out Ypurs, one of which was still being poked by his Blissey, Lunac eyed his Pokemon crew. "Ok guys, the Ypurs have gotten out, as you may have guessed. Hestia," He Blissey perked up at the sound of her name." If you find any injured Agents, you can heal them. Otherwise, stick to the Egg Bombs and Doubleslapping. The rest of you, we want unconcious, not dead." A fluttering on his shoulder made him look left. A small black and purple butterfly stood there, looking up at him intently. Blinking at it, Lunac arched an eyebrow, wondering where it had come from. Taking their 'Valient' leader's sudden silence as permission to go, the Pokemon headed off down different corridors. Lunac sincerly hoped no other Agents would attack; if they did they would soon be slapped, burnt, blinded or several other handy effects his Pokemon had.
"So, uh." He looked at the Butterfly. "You live around here?" If the bug could snort, he was sure it would have done so then. As it was, it flickered its wings again, before a jolt of pain shot through Lunac's head. A telepathic message, albeit not by a method he was used to. Lowering his mental guards, he could hear a voice talking to him.
"Reporting seventeen Ypurs down." THat was Risa's voice, he knew it now that he could hear it properly. Accompanying the messages was a mental image of a hallway, it must be where Risa and Ansela were.
Giving a sigh, Lunac looked back down at the Butterfly. It seemed quite comfortable now that it's message had been passed on. Pulling out the two, black devices again, Lunac turned them up again, mentally searching until he could find Risa's mental energies.
'Risa, it's Agent Lunac. I got your message from the butterfly thing. Are you good to secure the Ypurs, or do you want me over there?' It was his own branch of telepathy, imported straight form the Pokemon World. He found it much easier to deal with than butterflies, which was plain odd.
Risa mentally jumped when Lunac's voice echoed through her head, not anticipating the telepathic message. Realising what was happening, she concentrated on sending a reply back.
'Agent Lunac, I would appreciate some warning next time. I hear that having your mind shredded by a defensive zanpakuto spirit is a very unpleasant experience," she added an image of Dokuha's snake form poised to strike with fangs dripping venom. "And to answer your question, of course your presence here is required. If Ansela and myself were capable of dealing with these beasts further I would not have sent a Hell Butterfly, my last one might I add, to locate you. I would appreciate it if you would bring my Butterfly back in one piece as well."
Risa opened her eyes and sighed as she spotted the two Ypurs injured by her hyapporankan. 'If you could also bring some form of medical assistance for the Ypurs that I was forced to injure, I believe that the beasts would appreciate it.'
Resisting the urge to cover his eyes or rub his temple, Lunac settled for simply shaking his head. 'Ok, I'm on my way. I'll just grab my Blissey and we'll be right over. Oh, and having my brain shredded by a Butterfly is not oly painful, but quite humiliating.'
Spreading out with his powers again, and feeling the weariness that came when he was doing too much, Lunac sighed. Connecting with his Pokemon, he asked her to head to the Cafeteria, interuppting her action of slapping a Ypur into the next century.
'We're on our way.' Lunac sent, before cutting off the connection. Looking around, Lunac shrugged, closed his eyes and spun around on the spot. Opening his eyes again, and taking a dizzy step forward, and turned a corner to find Risa and Ansela.
Lunac's eyes flashed over the pile of Ypurs. Giving the two Agents a grin, he knelt next to the bovines. "Sorry if I was short, I'm kinda tired, for obvious reasons." He told Risa. Narrowing his eyes, he glared at the ile of Ypurs, and with a 'Pop', they disappeared into the cafeteria. A spell of dizziness fell over Lunac and he fell down onto his backside, clutching his head. "Wow that does not feel good." He murmured. On his arm, one of the machines beeped rapidly, before sparking and dying. Glaring at it between his fingers, Lunac groaned.
"Foolish child. Do not kill yourself through exhaustion and overwork," Risa knelt down next to Lunac and looked him in the eye. "I suggest that you take some time to rest and regain energy before you attempt any more of your teleportations, or I will restrain you myself."
Standing up, Risa brushed off her shihakusho and resettled her zanpakuto on her hip. "Dokuha would like an apology from you. He, like many snakes, is rather prideful and does not appreciate you confusing him for a Hell Butterfly."
"What Risa's trying to say," Ansela leaned on her partner's shoulder and grinned at Lunac, "is that Dokuha is her zanpakuto, and is giving her a headache right now with his whining. Hissing. Whatever. Say, you wanna come to our RC? I'm sure I have some Super Restore or Magic Potions or Wizard Mind Bombs lying around there that might help you out. Your powers are kind of like magic, aren't they?"
Looking up with a tired look, Lunac nodded. "Thanks Ansela. If anything, they're just a natural weapon. These machines just boost my capabilities by a lot."
Looking over at Risa, Lunac adopted a confused look. "Zanpakuto? Sorry if I did insult him. I'm just not used to many things having psychic capabilities around here. Hell,I don't even have psychic capabilities without these machines." He waved towards the broken device. "It just caught me off guard. I really am sorry."
Getting shakily to his feet, he gave a sigh of relief once he was balanced. "Ok, which RC are we going to? If we can duck in, then we can go check on the cafeteria."
***
"What in the world are those things?" She asked her partner, not looking away from the creatures.
"Ypurs," Georgia replied, hiding behind the older woman, "You remember, right? That spambot invasion a few weeks ago? We lost the spambot but someone decided to keep the Ypurs."
"Must have missed it," Kumori said. She lifted one hand above her head and it began to glow.
"I think they'll be upset if you kill them!" Georgia reprimanded her, taking a few steps back anyway.
"Those things broke down our door and crushed my favourite dodecahedron bush!" The green haired Ex-sue growled, "Like hell I'm letting them get away with that!"
***
A portal opened up, and Temp. Dishwasher WikiMaster stepped through. He was not supposed to be here. However, after his supposedly exemplary service at the raid on the New Caledonia DIA headquarters, his employers had cut him some slack. Sneaking up on a pack of unwary Ypurs, he threw his net at them, catching half of the pack and scaring off the rest. He then threw the net into the portal and ran off, looking for more to catch. Activating his personal SEP Field projector (which he won from Tleilaxu Master), he went to the Cafeteria.
Several Agents were moving around, trying to bring the Ypurs they captured into the room. Deciding not to interfere with their work, he went into a random side corridor, and saw another pack. Using one of his extra nets, he caught them all. After finding the portal again, he then left. Two heavy catches ought to be enough to earn enough money to the Smut Carver Victims' fund, he tought.
***
Agent Eledhwen was happily minding her own buisness strolling down the hallways trying to look innocent and not hurried at all. In reality, she was in a rush and needed to get back to her RC before her partner Christianne realizes that she was gone.
Don't think about RC#L0121F4114C3... she reminded herself every other second. Don't think about the fact that you're in a hurry. She tried to calm herself down as she walked on and on in the endless hallways of gray.
THUMP. THUMP.
Eledhwen nearly jumped three feet in the air. "What was that?" she murmured as she looked around her wildly.
THUMP THUMP THUMPITY THUMP THUMP.
Eledhwen's hand tightened on the hilt of her sword. She looked around again, but her elven eyesight revealed nothing.
"It's probably upstairs," the part-time Assassin told herself. "Nothing special. I suppose it's just another two or more Agents getting frisky or something. Christy has often complained about our neighbors..."
She never finished that thought because a whole herd of ram-like creatures suddenly popped out of a random plot hole, thundering down the corridor.
And Eledhwen was in their way.
"Confusticate that elleth!" snarled Christianne. "She must have snuck out while I was taking my nap." The Assassin stormed out the door and down the corridor.
She was in such a rage (Not to mention that she was easily provoked, so a small issue like sneaking out when she was sleeping gets her positively fuming when she finds out.) that she tripped right over something on the ground. Christianne looked down, ready to shoot a stream of expletives at it. She refrained from doing so, however, when she saw who was lying on the ground.
It was Eledhwen. Or rather, Eledhwen run over by a bunch of stampeding Ypurs. Christianne groaned. "It looks like I'm going to have to lug her sorry ass over to Medical, then," she grumbled to herself as she picked up the unconscious elleth and started making her way over to Medical.
Looking around with a nervous twitch in his eye, one that the Doctors had been able to remove, Arti wandered around Medical. Since his recent abduction by Medical for mental reasons, he didn't see why turning all the Agents in sight into extremely attractive pseudo-Sues was a bad thing, Arti had been bored out of his brain.
It had only been in the past week that he was allowed to wander around Medical, assuming he did not go near their supply of sugar, bleeprin, or sugarfied Bleeprin.
Glaring at the same wall he had been glaring for for three days, which had reduced it to a trembling pile on the ground, Arti contemplated the excitement in escaping. He knew he'd have to spend a large amount of time in here, but it was oh so boring now.
Well, ask and you shall recieve. At this point, two Agents walked in to Medical. Or at least, one walked, the other was dragged. Looking at the hurt one closely, Arti wondered why there appeared to be dust and footprints all over her.
***
From the mists, the figures emerged, plucked capriciously from the womb of a hapless writer's mind before their time. They had no distinct form, for their genesis was not yet complete, and had settled on no details concerning their appearance. They were without name, for the whim of the uncaring powers that brought them here had not yet seen fit to grant them such. Indeed, so hazy and ill-formed were they that they were little more than figures of mist, animated only by the brightly burning spark of the idea in each, a spark that burned in the smoke that formed them. Even their voices were little more than indistinct whispers, though one seemed to have affected a French accent and a feminine tone, while the other was just as clearly male, and bore a drawl distinctive to those who knew of the planet Catachan-or alternatively, the mythical land known as Texas.
But these figures were not to be dismissed, for what their creator had not yet granted them in description, he had gifted them in firepower. While some of their weapons were little more than indistinct haze themselves, others were not...
Two Ypurs immediately fell to the neural shredders on loan from the Callidus Temple, mental activity hopelessly scrambled by the arcane weaponry, while a third barely dove out of the way of a hail of fire from the needle pistol one of the mist-shrouded figures bore.
It didn't help. A psyk-out grenade bounced around the corner, courtesy of an expert throw by one of the figures, despite the fact that it had no solid hands to speak of. The Ypur never awoke, silenced by the point-blank blast from the neuro shredder that followed as the unborn figures silently moved down the corridor, so indistinct that they barely seemed to register at all to the naked eye, save for that burning heart of the idea within...
Three had been cut down. There would be more to come. The figures shared what might have been a smile, had they faces to smile with, and continued down the corridor, shredders level.
***
Nat stomped down the hallway, Cassie and the minis trailing close behind. The lanky girl was muttering under her breath. "Goddamn incompetent people not putting proper security on the place and now we're stuck with clearing it up can't get five minutes' peace in this place only just got back off the last mission..."
Cassie, on the other hand, seemed perfectly happy to be out of the RC and was entertaining herself tossing bits of bacon towards the minis. As she threw a piece to Giml, she accidentally dropped one of the sausages she'd been carrying to lure the Ypurs out with.
She didn't notice, but the Ypur lurking around the corner did. Greenlead, who had hung back to investigate something he'd found interesting lying on the floor, growled and snapped at the blue-furred creature that scurried out to claim the sausage. On hearing the growl, Cassie turned round.
"Nat! Nat, we found one!" she yelled, dashing towards the Ypur which, unsurprisingly, dashed off as fast as it could. The two agents and their minis took up the chase with enthusiasm, all previous traces of Nat's earlier mood gone.
"Well it wasn't MY fault!"
Agent Sedri growled, smacking her partner with a rolled-up newpaper that, thanks to a printing error, was entirely printed in black ink on black paper. Sedri claimed she could still read it. "It bloody well IS," she replied. "You're the Trek expert, Iza - you SAID he wasn't a canon character! Now he's off with all the actual Stus in Stu Hell and I have to get him back!"
"Geron is the one we killed, not Gerron!"
"The Flowers don't seem to c- oof."
A furry blue creature recoiled, not having expected a person to be just around this corner. Of course, being a ypur, spawn of a spambot, it wasn't intelligent enough to expect anything at all.
Sedri blinked. Iza squealed. "It's so cute!"
Running feet could be heard around the corner; running feet and heavy breathing. Sedri pounced.
Nat and Cassie swung round the now-infamous corner at full speed, barely reacting in time to keep from tripping and making a three-agent dogpile atop the ypur. Iza waved merrily. "Is it yours?"
Nat, who due to her longer legs had been in the lead, just grinned at the two agents as she leaned against the wall, panting. Cassie, on the other hand, frowned at Sedri.
"That one is ours, yeah, she replied in between gasping for breath. "Look, it's still got the sausage I used to lure it in." That said luring had been wholly accidental she glossed over completely. Nat pushed herself away from the wall and poked her partner.
"Cass, be nice, at least they stopped it for us," she said before turning to the others. "I know you two, don't I? You were part of that Narnia exorcism. Sedri and Iza, right? I'm Nat, and that's Cassie, and, er, the minis seem to have gone walkabout."
Before she got a reply, however, another Agent came around the corner, completely unaware of the current situation. Cassie grabbed him. "Tyler! Great! Can we borrow you for a minute-" The thundering of hooves cut her off.
Turning around, she saw a group of perhaps thirty ypurs approaching from behind Iza. "Leg it!" she yelled, grabbing Sedri with her free hand and dragging her back round the corner. Nat grabbed Iza, who was seemingly dumbstruck, and followed.
An explosion rang out in the corridor behind them, in the vicinity of the Ypurs, as two enigmatic figures without description or detail carefully advanced down the corridor under the cover of gas grenades, and a stink of burning promethium filled the air as one of the figures triggered a flamer, covering the hall in a sheet of flame and cutting off the Ypur advance.
The other figure made his way past the impromptu blockade and shouted an indistinct message, as no description of the figure's voice or speech had yet been made by its creator. The message itself, however, was clear-they could hold of the Ypur advance, but did not know for how long.
Cassie saw the explosion and, letting go of the two Agents she had been holding in either hand, ran back towards the featureless people. "NO!" she yelled, waving her arms and doing a rather good, if unintentional, impression of Captain Jack Sparrow. "We're not meant to kill them! Put the fire out! They've stopped!"
Tyler, who had watched the whole thing, followed curiously, calling to Nat, "I think Cassie is going back."
The agent addressed turned round, trying to avoid being squashed by Sedri and Iza, and started back. "Cassie! CASSIE! You flaming pillock! Get back here!" She stopped and looked at the two Agents who hadn't decided to run towards the big wall of fire. "You two want to help play damage control?"
Sedri translated; "That's a no. I'll do it. I have an Idea."
Nat hesitated. When a PPC agent speaks In Capitals, general wisdom is to stay Far Away.
Sedri pulled a small object from her pocked and aimed towards the fire - and Cassie. First Nat thought was a gun, then jumped back as the Thing began to spurt huge quantities of water down the hall. Must be plothole-driven, she thought.
Iza was watching with a serene smile. Nat shook her head and watched the torrent douse every flame in the corridor. Water rushed back across the meal floor, soaking all their shoes, but the explosion was sufficiently quashed.
Nat looked at Sedri's tool. "What is that? Some sort of deux-ex-machina you pinched from a Sue?"
"Close enough," said Sedri, twirling the thing like a gunslinger before offering it to Nat. "Transdimensional Pocket Knife. Useful little things: I've been giving them away like crazy to the newbies - plothole in my RC seems to be duplicating them - but no one seems very interested. I don't see why. They can't be taken on missions but there's enough to do around HQ."
"If we're ever here," muttered Nat, but she had no chance to say more - Cassie was returning.
She was utterly drenched.
However, the shock of being suddenly soaked from behind seemed to have silenced her, and she merely squelched back up to the others, wringing out her clothes and peering short-sightedly at them.
Tyler had managed to get out of the way of the worst of the water, and was merely damp. He seemed rather cheerful, considering the current state of affairs, and was about to say something when Cassie cut in. "Er, has anyone seen my glasses?"
Sedri looked rather sheepish. Nat held up the Transdimensional Pocket Knife and said, "She used this thing to make all the water. I reckon your glasses got washed off in that."
"No, d'you think?" Cassie replied in a heavily sarcastic tone. "Well, this is just great. We have a shedload of those ypur things just down the corridor, the place is soaking and I can't see more than three feet. Any idea what we do now?"
Tyler shrugged, then yelped as Sedri grabbed him. "Okay, techno-boy, you can run, right?"
"Er, yes-"
"Good. Then get them to chase you towards the cafeteria."
"How?" Nat handed over a pack of sausages.
"Wave these at them. They'll happily run after you for hours. And while you're doing that, we can try to find Cassie's glasses. Now go on!" She shoved him towards the herd. Nervously, he took out a sausage and waved it at the blue creatures. They moved towards him as Iza dragged everyone else into the shelter of a doorway. After a few moments, Tyler turned round and ran. The herd followed, but as the Agent had excellent speed due to his continually having to run away from enraged Agents, he was in no danger of getting trampled.
Nat stepped back out once they were gone and splashed down the corridor. "Come on, I guess we'd better find Speccy's glasses." Cassie hit her. "Ow, you loon, what was that for?"
"I'm not deaf, you know, and I can still make out where you are, Stringbean."
"Don't call me that-" They began bickering again, ignorant of the two featureless figures standing nearby.
Although there was nothing to describe their voices, the meaning of the featureless agents was clear enough somehow: they had no intention of killing the creatures. They were reasoning the creatures to be afraid of fire, and hence were barricading this passage in flame. If the creatures were not afraid of fire, they would be. The flamer could be turned off at any moment-combat promethium, burns and dies fast.
Sedri blinked at the two. "You were serious?" she asked Nat. "About the glasses? A whole herd of ypur just ran through here - you don't actually expect them to be more than powder by now... do you?"
Iza's eyes lit up. "Ooo, Sedri, maybe she enchanted them! You know, with a wand like those Potterverse people-"
She never finished. The featureless figures were approaching; calm and silent, like bit characters without the presence of a Sue. Iza's brow wrinkled (nicely matching her Bajoran nose) and she backed up as Cassie, still half blind, caught sight of them.
"Is that a... Dalek?"
"SEEK AND LO-CATE!" said the Humanized Dalek. "LO-CATE AND KNOCK OUT! KNOCK OUT AND RE-TURN!"
Five pounded her head against a wall. "No, no, no. You lure them back with sausage. That is standard procedure for Ypurs."
"DO YOU HAVE AN-Y SPARE SAU-SAGE?"
"Here," said Five, placing some in Omicron's plunger.
"LURE BACK TO THE CA-FE-TER-I-A!" So saying, Omicron started leading a few Ypurs away.
Nat groaned. "Cass, why don't you carry spares?" She wasn't too concerned, having recognised Five of Six, though she wasn't sure what to make of Omicron. She called after the retreating Dalek, "We just sent someone off to lure a bunch to the cafeteria. If you want to go give him a hand, you can, but there aren't any more around here."
Meanwhile, Cassie had been squinting at the featureless people who were approaching until she heard Nat ask if about spare glasses. She rummaged through her bag of holding, which she never went anywhere without these days, and came up with a spectacles case triumphantly. "Ha! Got some!" She put them on and looked around at the group - three human agents, two Trekverse agents, a Dalek of some sort, and a couple of figures whose species was unknown. "So? Who wants to do the introductions here?"
Whatever the power that plucked the strange figures out of the womb of creation, it now gave the nameless figures some description, though both were still hopelessly generic, and only if you knew the subject matter-one could be described only as an Inquisitor-male human, late twenties. The other, a Sister of Battle-female human, mid twenties, ritual scars on her face. The male steps forwards and speaks with a distinct drawl.
"We are without name, for our creator has given us none. For now, you may simply call me Inquisitor, and my companion Sister. She cannot speak, for our creator has yet to decide on her syntax and accent. We are, of course, well armed, but we will consent to use our neuro shredders in this case-weapons that disrupt the electrical activity in the brain, allowing for lethal or nonlethal incapacitance as deemed necessary."
Liadan slid across the floor, hitting the wall and collasping into an undignified pile.
"#^%&@($ Ypurs!" She cried, unaware of her newfound ability to pronounce symbols in her speech. Rubbing her head, she looked up at the group of people near her. "Oh great. None of you saw that. If any of you are thinking of telling anyone else, let me now so I can Obliviate you now." She held up her wand threateningly. Getting to her feet, she dusted herself off ignoring the wet patches on her uniform.
Liadan suddenly froze as she looked at the featureless beings before her. Blnking her eyes to see if they were playing tricks on her, they weren't, she shook her head. "Hi, not sure who you are, but hi." Looking over at Cassie, Liadan grinned. "Hiya Cassie, haven't seen you since Robecca. Good party after that, huh?"
Hearing the trampling of what had to be yet another stampede of Ypurs, Liadan instantly moved into action. Raising her wand, she moved it in a sweeping motion, muttering under her breath. Where there had previously been empty air there was now a Ypur. Looking down at this one, Liadan quirked her mouth.
"It's the one we domesticated." She told the other Agents. "So far he's been having fun acting as transport for some of the lazier minis, but the Ypurs go off of a group mind. If one isn't running anywhere, they'll stop."
Looking up at the woman who had summoned him, the Ypur cocked his head. She was a nice woman, she smelt like sausages. A rumbling made him turn to the left. A stampede of his brethren were running at him!
At this point, the group mind Liadan had mentioned kicked in. The domesticated Ypur began running, keeping a considerable lead over the other Ypurs.
Watching the departing Ypur dumbly, Liadan let out a 'Gah!', and rubbed her temples. "That didn't go as planned."
"Well, that has to be all of them now, doesn't it? Tyler just lured about thirty off to the cafeteria." She shrugged and leaned against the wall. "Maybe we should go down there and see if they're back."
Nat shrugged and waved at the newcomer. "Okay, seeing as nobody else feels like it, I'll introduce." She nodded towards the two faceless people. "They're Inquisitor and Sister, apparently. You already know me and Cass, and I think you know Sedri and Iza."
***
Elsewhere, Tyler was running for his life. Having thirty stampeding ypurs behind him was almost as motivating as thirty stampeding Agents. He raced through the door ahead of him and found himself in the cafeteria lobby. Sprinting for the cafeteria door, he yanked it open and threw the sausages inside before diving behind the door.
The ypurs charged through and he slammed it shut, then leaned against it, completely winded, and gasped for breath. Fortunately, he had very good lungs, and was just about recovered by the time another group came pounding towards him. Calmly opening the door, he let them run back into the cafeteria and closed it behind them before sitting down and waiting for either Lunac or Liadan to arrive.
***
While the female figure pulled an eviscerator (translator kicking in: twelve-foot chainsaw sword, designed for anti-tank duty) from her localized hammerspace, the male pulled up a convenient chair and a large bottle filled with an unidentifiable liquid.
"Howdy." The figure said, gaining definition by the minute. "I think I'm called Nathan now, but the voices in my head tell me it's only a tentative name-they're not wasting time on my partner at the moment. Fun little critters, those. Remind me of critters from my homeworld. Speaking of which, Catachan whiskey?" The man offered his bottle to the others.
Agent Sedri, who had been tapping her foot impatiently, now blinked. "Sure," she drawled. "Let's just sit here and get drunk while the ypur overrun HQ."
Iza squeaked. "Sedri!" she hissed. "Be nice!" Turning a bright smile to Nathan she said, "I'd like some-"
"Oh no you don't," said Sedri, snatching the bottle. "You're a menace sober. Now what exactly are we going to do, people?" she asked, hands on hips. "How can we restrain the ypur, and where do we have to haul them back to? Hmmm? Can we use a portal generator and activate it in front of them?"
"If that's all it takes," muttered Cassie, "Tyler will kill us."
“Well, like I said before,” Nat said, "we need to get them down to the cafeteria. If Tyler's been distracted enough, he'll already be there."
Cassie shrugged. "If he is, then we'd be better off avoiding him."
"Come on, Cass, he's a right softy, he couldn't use a weapon if he tried."
"Well, you argue with him about it then." The bespectacled Agent turned to Liadan. "So how many ypurs got out altogether, then? We've seen about forty so far, but I'm guessing we're not the only ones to have run across them. And if there are more out, then maybe we could... um... no, I'm out of ideas without the sausages. Sorry."
"We're thinking between eighty and a hundred." She said, her brow knitted as she tried to remember. "It's quite odd actually. I used a locking charm on the Cafeteria last night, but it was dissolved, which let the Ypurs loose. We're thinking their pelts or horns might repel magic. Either that, or.." Liadan trailed off for a minute. "Or someone let them out."
Holding up her wand, which seemed to give off an indignant spark, Liadan waved it threateningly. "After we get them all back in, then I'm gonna be checking on how they got out. Anyone wanna join me?"
"Count me in," said Agent Rosalie, a Naiad in DMFF. "I'm a newbie, and was on my way to my ... tahdis? ... when an Assassin who looked like a giant saltshaker, leading an ypur back with sausage, told me I had to do the same, as well as change something. I asked an Agent in DBS to help with the Ypurs I was luring, but she responded with an indecent proposal."
"Agent Lux," said Agent Blast J of DAVD. "And the way you're dressed, no wonder.” Rosalie was wearing a transparent shift and nothing underneath it. “Go find your TARDIS and put something opaque on. But don't think of wherever your partner said your TARDIS is. Distract yourself or you'll never get anywhere. Meet us in the cafeteria when you're ready."
Rosalie left down the corridor.
"If I had to guess," said Blast J, "I'd say it was a plant for the LMSF trying to throw us in disarray. Here's hoping they get the You-Have-Failed-Me treatment," she added.
"NOT LIKE-LY," said Omicron. "TO BE THE LEAGUE OF MA-RY SUE FAC-TOR-IES, I MEAN."
“Well,” Nathan and the still-featureless female figure exchanged a look, and shrugged towards Liadan. "We don't have much to offer besides firepower, but we'll accompany you."
The two residents of RC #10 looked at each other and nodded. "Sure," Nat said. "It's not like we have anything else to do right now."
Cassie grinned. "I've always wanted to see Potterverse magic in action. So, to the cafeteria then?" She cast an enquiring glance at the others before heading off down the corridor the same way Tyler and the Ypurs had gone.
Before she'd taken more than a few steps, however, what seemed to be two ambulatory fireballs came charging around the corner and leapt for her. She caught one and quickly put it down, wincing. "Greenlead, you know you burn mummy when she's not wearing her fireproof gear! And where have you two been? I've been so worried!"
Nat rolled her eyes, but tossed a slice of bacon towards the slightly smaller fiery creature, which was approaching her. "All right, Giml, there you go." She watched Cassie wander off down the corridor and sighed. "Shall we follow her, then?"
They went, walking mostly in silence while Iza cooed over the mini-Balrogs and started a hushed conversation with Cassie about how she could adopt one. Sedri, fiddling with her far-too-long-a-name pocket knife, didn't hear.
Either everyone was distracting themselves fairly well or HQ was simply tired of ypur stampedes, because they reached the cafeteria within a few minutes.
The door was shut. No charm locked it. The noise inside was deafening.
Sedri paused, dagger in hand, still feeling a bit stupid thanks to her earlier memory lapse. "Uh... Nat? You said the ypur love sausages, right?"
Nat nodded. "Yes."
"How many sausages do you think are stored in the back of the cafeteria?"
"The problem is,” Nathan said slowly, after taking a long draught from his Catachan whiskey, "How are we going to get them trapped anywhere without placing ourselves at risk, sausage or no? I have a syringe of polymorphine from my division, if we have someone willing to temporarily turn into one of those things, if that would work. Or... hmmm..." The Inquisitor thought for a minute. "Or I can run as bait. I'm barely defined enough to qualify as a redshirt."
Tyler had stood up when he saw them coming, and looked at Liadan, rather annoyed. "Does this mean that the cafeteria was not where we were meant to bring them? Because if so, then why was I requested to run all the way down here at the risk of my life?"
Cassie and Iza were still busy cooing over the minis and seemed to have completely forgotten about the current situation. Nat, who was getting very used to Cassie's apparent ability to switch off to anything she didn't feel like paying attention to, shrugged and turned to Liadan as well.
"Is Sedri right, then? Should we not have brought them here? I heard you lot were tagging them or something."
About then, Rosalie returned, now in a sleeveless black gown, and carrying a box. "My partner confiscated a lot of 'Corellian nerf sausages' from somewhere called Deep Space Nine. Maybe this will help.
"EX-CEL-LENT!" said Omicron.
"Enough!" Nathan snapped. "We seem to be getting nowhere, so I hereby assert my authority as an officer of the Imperial Inquisition to put a boot in your collective rear end or analogous anatomical feature and get moving! Rosalie, put the sausages wherever we need the lure the things. Tyler or whatever your name is, congratulations! You've been promoted to bait-take some of the sausage and stand by the door-be ready to run like hell when the door opens. Sedri, you're on the door-on my command, open the door and throw out the sausage-if you die, at least Tyler will be able to pick up where you failed. Everyone with one of those mini-daemons, cover fire-I don't want the Ypurs running loose. Keep them following the sausage. Have I made myself clear?"
"Very clear," said Rosalie.
"WE O-BEY!" said Omicron. "SEEK AND LO-CATE! LO-CATE AND LURE BACK! LURE BACK AND RE-JOICE!"
Sedri glared at the "if you die" comment, but, being pleased that something was finally happening, did not make her usual snappish remark about not taking orders. "Fine," she said, striding up to the door. "But I dare you to try that 'I'm an officer!' routine with the Flowers."
Tyler, looking betrayed and very, very pale, held the sausages tightly. Iza gave him a big hug.
The other agents shrugged and shifted, hoisting whatever weapons they had as the mini-Balrogs crouched eagerly, waiting to pounce. There was tension. There was fear. There was eye-rolling. Nathan examined the prepared group, making one last check before giving the order to proceed.
Sedri rolled her eyes and, without waiting, opened the door.
While Nat and Cassie joined the other agents, Tyler looked around frantically. "But- wait! Where am I meant to be leading them to?"
Sedri opened the door, and the pale man sprinted off towards the nearest corridor.
"How am I supposed to know where you're leading them to?" Nathan asked irritably. "I'm not the one in command of this outfit, but if no one else is going to step up, I will. All else fails, roll a scatter dice and pick somewhere to lead them. I *am* new here, but surely you people have someplace to keep dangerous creatures in relative safety." His words were lost in the noise as about fifty blue ypur, smelling sausage, charged out of the cafeteria doors. Iza yelped and hid, but the other agents kept their heads, and used whatever flashy or noise-making weapons they had to keep the ypur from branching off into the wrong corridor - though with the scent of food on the air, that wasn't too likely. The mini-Balrogs had great fun burning a few blue ankles.
Sedri, behind the door, reached out to grab Cassie's arm. "Where's Tyler going?"
Iza frowned. "Doesn't ANYONE know?" she asked. When all she recieved were blank faces (strained, of course, but the wind and noise of passing ypur - there were certainly more than fifty now), she brightened and declared, "Right! He's going to the office of the Sunflower Official!"
"And just how do you expect that to be true?" muttered Nathan.
Floating above, the Ironic Over-Power was taking notes.
Muttering as she watched the departing Ypurs, Liadan looked around, wondering how she could have gotten lost on the way to the Cafeteria when she had been right next to everyone. Pulling out her wand again, she checked the doors as the Ypurs headed down the corridors to the Sunflower Official's office.
"Ostendium Veneficus!" She cried, hitting the lock with her wand. When nothing happened, she sighed, swishing her wand. "Revealo arcanum?" Her wand, becoming sympathetic to her uncanonical spells, shimmered with a pearly light. The doors lit up, displaying a hand print, and oddly, the shadowed imprint of a staff.
"Well, that can't be good." Liadan muttered. "Know anyone who uses a magical staff?"
The Ypur Invasion
In August, AD 2008 (HST), a robot unloaded a herd of beasts called Ypurs on us. In September, the locking charm gave and they escaped.
Sadly, many PPC records were damaged in the Frozen Argon Incident. Among these were the records of the Ypur recovery efforts; only the first half remains. We must interview the people involved once more and get their stories again. What follows here is the information that survived.
The Blba Tree, Archivist, Department of Internal Affairs.
***
Muttering as he stalked down the hallways, his trusty Keyblade, adorned with even more trustworthy sausages, Agent Lunac shot glares at his partner, one Agent Liadan.
"I can't believe you left the cafeteria door open!" He growled, mostly to himself. "The Ypurs are out AGAIN, and now we have to catch them. You realise the SO is gonna chew our asses out about this, right?"
Giving her partner a seemingly innocent look, one that happened to show every single one of her teeth, Liadan raised an eyebrow. "Is it my fault that the Ypurs can break through magic? I put my best locking charm on there." To illustrate this, her wand, ten inches of willow, with a Mermaid scale, sparked threateningly.
Ignoring Liadan as his eyes caught movement, Lunac reached for one of the six red and white orbs located on his belt. His fingers trailed along until they reached the orb second form the end. Clicking a small button on it, making it enlarge to its usual size, Lunac threw the Pokeball. "Go Apollo!"
From within the sphere, a brst of red energy rocketed out, forming into a creature that was an odd mix between a Kangaroo and a Sheep. The Ampharos bleated, looking at the Ypur in front of it. Having had plenty of experience with these creatures for the past month, and having more brains than most Sue Authors gave a Pokemon credit for, Apollo raised its paws and released a wave of yellow energy towards the Ypur. The Thunder Wave impacted directly, paralyzing the ram-like creature and making it fall to the ground. Giving his Pokemon a thumbs up, Lunac ran past Apollo, pulling out two small black devices and switched them on. Lowering a hand until it lay on the Ypur's broad back, Lunac stretched out with the psychic powers lent to him by the machines and teleported the Ypur back to the cafeteria.
"One down, fifty-nine to go." Lunac murmured to himself.
***
"STU-PE-FY!" said Omicron, and nailed an Ypur with a stun blast. The Ypur photo-negatived and collapsed, out like a light.
Tawaki and Dustin were on their way to the mail room when they ran across four Ypurs. Tawaki cursed in Romulan and sent a message to the DIA.
"Here we go again," sighed Dustin.
Tawaki drew his DL-44, set to stun. Dustin pulled out a pencil-sized device called a Sonic Smiter, recently confiscated from a Forgotten Realms/Doctor Who crossover that shipped Drizzt with Rose. Dustin pointed it at an Ypur and activated it. There came a noise not unlike Sue-squealing, and an Ypur went down. A blast of expanding blue rings from Tawaki's blaster and another went down. K-9 took the other two down.
***
Ansela ducked behind a half-open door, out of sight of the Ypurs stampeding through the cross section ahead of her. She didn't like the things, therefore she didn't even want to look at them.
"Stop hiding, Ansela, and help me out here," Risa resisted the urge to roll her eyes as she watched the Ypurs. "I cannot handle this number of these creatures by myself."
"I ain't coming out and you can't make me," Ansela scowled and reached for her zat, knowing the Shinigami could quite easily drop her in the middle of the Ypurs without being harmed herself if she wanted to. Activating the energy weapon, which looked rather like a stylised snake, she went to stand by her partner. "Can I kill just one of them?"
"We do not yet know what the consequences for killing one of these creatures are," Risa snapped, her eyes closed as she concentrating on focusing her energy.
"Whatever," Ansela's hand snapped up and squeezed the trigger of her zat, blue energy bolts arcing out and striking the Ypurs. Any that were hit collapsed instantly, knocked out by the Goa'uld stun weapon.
"Geki!" Risa yelled, thrusting her palm forwards at the Ypurs. Several of them stopped, paralysed by the red light that engulfed them.
"W00t, we got them!" Ansela did a victory dance, waving her zat above her head madly. Suddenly Risa shoved her backwards, barely pulling her out of the way of an enraged Ypur.
"Do not celebrate until they are all unconscious or restrained," Risa barked, before spinning round to face the dozen Ypurs that were still standing. "Geki!" Three more Ypurs were restrained by the paralysing red light. "Rikuj?k?r?!" One more was caught by six rods of light, which crashed into it from all directions. "Saj? sabaku!" A thick chain wrapped around two of the Ypurs, binding them together from head to tail and preventing them from moving. "Hyapporankan!" A spear of light formed in her hand, which multiplied into a hundred when she threw it, driving the rest of the Ypurs back and impaling the limbs of two of them. Ansela's zat hummed four more times, knocking out the last four Ypurs and preventing them from breaking down the wall of glowing spears.
"You the gal, Risa," Ansela grabbed her partner and pulled her into a kiss, a wicked grin on her face. "Ansela and Risa 1, Ypurs 0."
"We should call Agent Lunac to return these to their proper place. He should be pleased to find that his burden has been lessened by seventeen escaped Ypurs."
Risa pulled a small black butterfly with purple markings from somewhere within her shihakushou and cupped it within her hands. After whispering something to it she released the insect, allowing it to fly off in search of Agent Lunac.
"Um, Risa, how's Lunac meant to know how to take a Hell Butterfly message?" Ansela asked, sitting on one of the unconscious Ypurs.
"If you can figure it out then so can he," Risa ignored Ansela's indignant sputtering and leaned against the wall, unwilling to use one of the blue creatures as a seat and risk getting fur all over her black clothing.
***
Looking around the endless hallways that made up HQ, Lunac began muttering to himself again. He and Liadan had become seperated somewhere around the DoDAEG when a stampede of ten Ypurs seperated them. Liadan had fallen down an inconveniently placed trapdoor that sprouted from under here, while Lunac, used to the HQ making trapdoors appear in his presense, simply rolled his eyes. Calling out the rest of his Pokemon team, he had made quick work of seven of the ten Ypurs while the other three got away. From the crunching noise and resultant squeals of indignation, Lunac assumed the Ypurs hadn't bothered turning when they got to a wall.
After teleporting the knocked out Ypurs, one of which was still being poked by his Blissey, Lunac eyed his Pokemon crew. "Ok guys, the Ypurs have gotten out, as you may have guessed. Hestia," He Blissey perked up at the sound of her name." If you find any injured Agents, you can heal them. Otherwise, stick to the Egg Bombs and Doubleslapping. The rest of you, we want unconcious, not dead." A fluttering on his shoulder made him look left. A small black and purple butterfly stood there, looking up at him intently. Blinking at it, Lunac arched an eyebrow, wondering where it had come from. Taking their 'Valient' leader's sudden silence as permission to go, the Pokemon headed off down different corridors. Lunac sincerly hoped no other Agents would attack; if they did they would soon be slapped, burnt, blinded or several other handy effects his Pokemon had.
"So, uh." He looked at the Butterfly. "You live around here?" If the bug could snort, he was sure it would have done so then. As it was, it flickered its wings again, before a jolt of pain shot through Lunac's head. A telepathic message, albeit not by a method he was used to. Lowering his mental guards, he could hear a voice talking to him.
"Reporting seventeen Ypurs down." THat was Risa's voice, he knew it now that he could hear it properly. Accompanying the messages was a mental image of a hallway, it must be where Risa and Ansela were.
Giving a sigh, Lunac looked back down at the Butterfly. It seemed quite comfortable now that it's message had been passed on. Pulling out the two, black devices again, Lunac turned them up again, mentally searching until he could find Risa's mental energies.
'Risa, it's Agent Lunac. I got your message from the butterfly thing. Are you good to secure the Ypurs, or do you want me over there?' It was his own branch of telepathy, imported straight form the Pokemon World. He found it much easier to deal with than butterflies, which was plain odd.
Risa mentally jumped when Lunac's voice echoed through her head, not anticipating the telepathic message. Realising what was happening, she concentrated on sending a reply back.
'Agent Lunac, I would appreciate some warning next time. I hear that having your mind shredded by a defensive zanpakuto spirit is a very unpleasant experience," she added an image of Dokuha's snake form poised to strike with fangs dripping venom. "And to answer your question, of course your presence here is required. If Ansela and myself were capable of dealing with these beasts further I would not have sent a Hell Butterfly, my last one might I add, to locate you. I would appreciate it if you would bring my Butterfly back in one piece as well."
Risa opened her eyes and sighed as she spotted the two Ypurs injured by her hyapporankan. 'If you could also bring some form of medical assistance for the Ypurs that I was forced to injure, I believe that the beasts would appreciate it.'
Resisting the urge to cover his eyes or rub his temple, Lunac settled for simply shaking his head. 'Ok, I'm on my way. I'll just grab my Blissey and we'll be right over. Oh, and having my brain shredded by a Butterfly is not oly painful, but quite humiliating.'
Spreading out with his powers again, and feeling the weariness that came when he was doing too much, Lunac sighed. Connecting with his Pokemon, he asked her to head to the Cafeteria, interuppting her action of slapping a Ypur into the next century.
'We're on our way.' Lunac sent, before cutting off the connection. Looking around, Lunac shrugged, closed his eyes and spun around on the spot. Opening his eyes again, and taking a dizzy step forward, and turned a corner to find Risa and Ansela.
Lunac's eyes flashed over the pile of Ypurs. Giving the two Agents a grin, he knelt next to the bovines. "Sorry if I was short, I'm kinda tired, for obvious reasons." He told Risa. Narrowing his eyes, he glared at the ile of Ypurs, and with a 'Pop', they disappeared into the cafeteria. A spell of dizziness fell over Lunac and he fell down onto his backside, clutching his head. "Wow that does not feel good." He murmured. On his arm, one of the machines beeped rapidly, before sparking and dying. Glaring at it between his fingers, Lunac groaned.
"Foolish child. Do not kill yourself through exhaustion and overwork," Risa knelt down next to Lunac and looked him in the eye. "I suggest that you take some time to rest and regain energy before you attempt any more of your teleportations, or I will restrain you myself."
Standing up, Risa brushed off her shihakusho and resettled her zanpakuto on her hip. "Dokuha would like an apology from you. He, like many snakes, is rather prideful and does not appreciate you confusing him for a Hell Butterfly."
"What Risa's trying to say," Ansela leaned on her partner's shoulder and grinned at Lunac, "is that Dokuha is her zanpakuto, and is giving her a headache right now with his whining. Hissing. Whatever. Say, you wanna come to our RC? I'm sure I have some Super Restore or Magic Potions or Wizard Mind Bombs lying around there that might help you out. Your powers are kind of like magic, aren't they?"
Looking up with a tired look, Lunac nodded. "Thanks Ansela. If anything, they're just a natural weapon. These machines just boost my capabilities by a lot."
Looking over at Risa, Lunac adopted a confused look. "Zanpakuto? Sorry if I did insult him. I'm just not used to many things having psychic capabilities around here. Hell,I don't even have psychic capabilities without these machines." He waved towards the broken device. "It just caught me off guard. I really am sorry."
Getting shakily to his feet, he gave a sigh of relief once he was balanced. "Ok, which RC are we going to? If we can duck in, then we can go check on the cafeteria."
***
"What in the world are those things?" She asked her partner, not looking away from the creatures.
"Ypurs," Georgia replied, hiding behind the older woman, "You remember, right? That spambot invasion a few weeks ago? We lost the spambot but someone decided to keep the Ypurs."
"Must have missed it," Kumori said. She lifted one hand above her head and it began to glow.
"I think they'll be upset if you kill them!" Georgia reprimanded her, taking a few steps back anyway.
"Those things broke down our door and crushed my favourite dodecahedron bush!" The green haired Ex-sue growled, "Like hell I'm letting them get away with that!"
***
A portal opened up, and Temp. Dishwasher WikiMaster stepped through. He was not supposed to be here. However, after his supposedly exemplary service at the raid on the New Caledonia DIA headquarters, his employers had cut him some slack. Sneaking up on a pack of unwary Ypurs, he threw his net at them, catching half of the pack and scaring off the rest. He then threw the net into the portal and ran off, looking for more to catch. Activating his personal SEP Field projector (which he won from Tleilaxu Master), he went to the Cafeteria.
Several Agents were moving around, trying to bring the Ypurs they captured into the room. Deciding not to interfere with their work, he went into a random side corridor, and saw another pack. Using one of his extra nets, he caught them all. After finding the portal again, he then left. Two heavy catches ought to be enough to earn enough money to the Smut Carver Victims' fund, he tought.
***
Agent Eledhwen was happily minding her own buisness strolling down the hallways trying to look innocent and not hurried at all. In reality, she was in a rush and needed to get back to her RC before her partner Christianne realizes that she was gone.
Don't think about RC#L0121F4114C3... she reminded herself every other second. Don't think about the fact that you're in a hurry. She tried to calm herself down as she walked on and on in the endless hallways of gray.
THUMP. THUMP.
Eledhwen nearly jumped three feet in the air. "What was that?" she murmured as she looked around her wildly.
THUMP THUMP THUMPITY THUMP THUMP.
Eledhwen's hand tightened on the hilt of her sword. She looked around again, but her elven eyesight revealed nothing.
"It's probably upstairs," the part-time Assassin told herself. "Nothing special. I suppose it's just another two or more Agents getting frisky or something. Christy has often complained about our neighbors..."
She never finished that thought because a whole herd of ram-like creatures suddenly popped out of a random plot hole, thundering down the corridor.
And Eledhwen was in their way.
"Confusticate that elleth!" snarled Christianne. "She must have snuck out while I was taking my nap." The Assassin stormed out the door and down the corridor.
She was in such a rage (Not to mention that she was easily provoked, so a small issue like sneaking out when she was sleeping gets her positively fuming when she finds out.) that she tripped right over something on the ground. Christianne looked down, ready to shoot a stream of expletives at it. She refrained from doing so, however, when she saw who was lying on the ground.
It was Eledhwen. Or rather, Eledhwen run over by a bunch of stampeding Ypurs. Christianne groaned. "It looks like I'm going to have to lug her sorry ass over to Medical, then," she grumbled to herself as she picked up the unconscious elleth and started making her way over to Medical.
Looking around with a nervous twitch in his eye, one that the Doctors had been able to remove, Arti wandered around Medical. Since his recent abduction by Medical for mental reasons, he didn't see why turning all the Agents in sight into extremely attractive pseudo-Sues was a bad thing, Arti had been bored out of his brain.
It had only been in the past week that he was allowed to wander around Medical, assuming he did not go near their supply of sugar, bleeprin, or sugarfied Bleeprin.
Glaring at the same wall he had been glaring for for three days, which had reduced it to a trembling pile on the ground, Arti contemplated the excitement in escaping. He knew he'd have to spend a large amount of time in here, but it was oh so boring now.
Well, ask and you shall recieve. At this point, two Agents walked in to Medical. Or at least, one walked, the other was dragged. Looking at the hurt one closely, Arti wondered why there appeared to be dust and footprints all over her.
***
From the mists, the figures emerged, plucked capriciously from the womb of a hapless writer's mind before their time. They had no distinct form, for their genesis was not yet complete, and had settled on no details concerning their appearance. They were without name, for the whim of the uncaring powers that brought them here had not yet seen fit to grant them such. Indeed, so hazy and ill-formed were they that they were little more than figures of mist, animated only by the brightly burning spark of the idea in each, a spark that burned in the smoke that formed them. Even their voices were little more than indistinct whispers, though one seemed to have affected a French accent and a feminine tone, while the other was just as clearly male, and bore a drawl distinctive to those who knew of the planet Catachan-or alternatively, the mythical land known as Texas.
But these figures were not to be dismissed, for what their creator had not yet granted them in description, he had gifted them in firepower. While some of their weapons were little more than indistinct haze themselves, others were not...
Two Ypurs immediately fell to the neural shredders on loan from the Callidus Temple, mental activity hopelessly scrambled by the arcane weaponry, while a third barely dove out of the way of a hail of fire from the needle pistol one of the mist-shrouded figures bore.
It didn't help. A psyk-out grenade bounced around the corner, courtesy of an expert throw by one of the figures, despite the fact that it had no solid hands to speak of. The Ypur never awoke, silenced by the point-blank blast from the neuro shredder that followed as the unborn figures silently moved down the corridor, so indistinct that they barely seemed to register at all to the naked eye, save for that burning heart of the idea within...
Three had been cut down. There would be more to come. The figures shared what might have been a smile, had they faces to smile with, and continued down the corridor, shredders level.
***
Nat stomped down the hallway, Cassie and the minis trailing close behind. The lanky girl was muttering under her breath. "Goddamn incompetent people not putting proper security on the place and now we're stuck with clearing it up can't get five minutes' peace in this place only just got back off the last mission..."
Cassie, on the other hand, seemed perfectly happy to be out of the RC and was entertaining herself tossing bits of bacon towards the minis. As she threw a piece to Giml, she accidentally dropped one of the sausages she'd been carrying to lure the Ypurs out with.
She didn't notice, but the Ypur lurking around the corner did. Greenlead, who had hung back to investigate something he'd found interesting lying on the floor, growled and snapped at the blue-furred creature that scurried out to claim the sausage. On hearing the growl, Cassie turned round.
"Nat! Nat, we found one!" she yelled, dashing towards the Ypur which, unsurprisingly, dashed off as fast as it could. The two agents and their minis took up the chase with enthusiasm, all previous traces of Nat's earlier mood gone.
"Well it wasn't MY fault!"
Agent Sedri growled, smacking her partner with a rolled-up newpaper that, thanks to a printing error, was entirely printed in black ink on black paper. Sedri claimed she could still read it. "It bloody well IS," she replied. "You're the Trek expert, Iza - you SAID he wasn't a canon character! Now he's off with all the actual Stus in Stu Hell and I have to get him back!"
"Geron is the one we killed, not Gerron!"
"The Flowers don't seem to c- oof."
A furry blue creature recoiled, not having expected a person to be just around this corner. Of course, being a ypur, spawn of a spambot, it wasn't intelligent enough to expect anything at all.
Sedri blinked. Iza squealed. "It's so cute!"
Running feet could be heard around the corner; running feet and heavy breathing. Sedri pounced.
Nat and Cassie swung round the now-infamous corner at full speed, barely reacting in time to keep from tripping and making a three-agent dogpile atop the ypur. Iza waved merrily. "Is it yours?"
Nat, who due to her longer legs had been in the lead, just grinned at the two agents as she leaned against the wall, panting. Cassie, on the other hand, frowned at Sedri.
"That one is ours, yeah, she replied in between gasping for breath. "Look, it's still got the sausage I used to lure it in." That said luring had been wholly accidental she glossed over completely. Nat pushed herself away from the wall and poked her partner.
"Cass, be nice, at least they stopped it for us," she said before turning to the others. "I know you two, don't I? You were part of that Narnia exorcism. Sedri and Iza, right? I'm Nat, and that's Cassie, and, er, the minis seem to have gone walkabout."
Before she got a reply, however, another Agent came around the corner, completely unaware of the current situation. Cassie grabbed him. "Tyler! Great! Can we borrow you for a minute-" The thundering of hooves cut her off.
Turning around, she saw a group of perhaps thirty ypurs approaching from behind Iza. "Leg it!" she yelled, grabbing Sedri with her free hand and dragging her back round the corner. Nat grabbed Iza, who was seemingly dumbstruck, and followed.
An explosion rang out in the corridor behind them, in the vicinity of the Ypurs, as two enigmatic figures without description or detail carefully advanced down the corridor under the cover of gas grenades, and a stink of burning promethium filled the air as one of the figures triggered a flamer, covering the hall in a sheet of flame and cutting off the Ypur advance.
The other figure made his way past the impromptu blockade and shouted an indistinct message, as no description of the figure's voice or speech had yet been made by its creator. The message itself, however, was clear-they could hold of the Ypur advance, but did not know for how long.
Cassie saw the explosion and, letting go of the two Agents she had been holding in either hand, ran back towards the featureless people. "NO!" she yelled, waving her arms and doing a rather good, if unintentional, impression of Captain Jack Sparrow. "We're not meant to kill them! Put the fire out! They've stopped!"
Tyler, who had watched the whole thing, followed curiously, calling to Nat, "I think Cassie is going back."
The agent addressed turned round, trying to avoid being squashed by Sedri and Iza, and started back. "Cassie! CASSIE! You flaming pillock! Get back here!" She stopped and looked at the two Agents who hadn't decided to run towards the big wall of fire. "You two want to help play damage control?"
Sedri translated; "That's a no. I'll do it. I have an Idea."
Nat hesitated. When a PPC agent speaks In Capitals, general wisdom is to stay Far Away.
Sedri pulled a small object from her pocked and aimed towards the fire - and Cassie. First Nat thought was a gun, then jumped back as the Thing began to spurt huge quantities of water down the hall. Must be plothole-driven, she thought.
Iza was watching with a serene smile. Nat shook her head and watched the torrent douse every flame in the corridor. Water rushed back across the meal floor, soaking all their shoes, but the explosion was sufficiently quashed.
Nat looked at Sedri's tool. "What is that? Some sort of deux-ex-machina you pinched from a Sue?"
"Close enough," said Sedri, twirling the thing like a gunslinger before offering it to Nat. "Transdimensional Pocket Knife. Useful little things: I've been giving them away like crazy to the newbies - plothole in my RC seems to be duplicating them - but no one seems very interested. I don't see why. They can't be taken on missions but there's enough to do around HQ."
"If we're ever here," muttered Nat, but she had no chance to say more - Cassie was returning.
She was utterly drenched.
However, the shock of being suddenly soaked from behind seemed to have silenced her, and she merely squelched back up to the others, wringing out her clothes and peering short-sightedly at them.
Tyler had managed to get out of the way of the worst of the water, and was merely damp. He seemed rather cheerful, considering the current state of affairs, and was about to say something when Cassie cut in. "Er, has anyone seen my glasses?"
Sedri looked rather sheepish. Nat held up the Transdimensional Pocket Knife and said, "She used this thing to make all the water. I reckon your glasses got washed off in that."
"No, d'you think?" Cassie replied in a heavily sarcastic tone. "Well, this is just great. We have a shedload of those ypur things just down the corridor, the place is soaking and I can't see more than three feet. Any idea what we do now?"
Tyler shrugged, then yelped as Sedri grabbed him. "Okay, techno-boy, you can run, right?"
"Er, yes-"
"Good. Then get them to chase you towards the cafeteria."
"How?" Nat handed over a pack of sausages.
"Wave these at them. They'll happily run after you for hours. And while you're doing that, we can try to find Cassie's glasses. Now go on!" She shoved him towards the herd. Nervously, he took out a sausage and waved it at the blue creatures. They moved towards him as Iza dragged everyone else into the shelter of a doorway. After a few moments, Tyler turned round and ran. The herd followed, but as the Agent had excellent speed due to his continually having to run away from enraged Agents, he was in no danger of getting trampled.
Nat stepped back out once they were gone and splashed down the corridor. "Come on, I guess we'd better find Speccy's glasses." Cassie hit her. "Ow, you loon, what was that for?"
"I'm not deaf, you know, and I can still make out where you are, Stringbean."
"Don't call me that-" They began bickering again, ignorant of the two featureless figures standing nearby.
Although there was nothing to describe their voices, the meaning of the featureless agents was clear enough somehow: they had no intention of killing the creatures. They were reasoning the creatures to be afraid of fire, and hence were barricading this passage in flame. If the creatures were not afraid of fire, they would be. The flamer could be turned off at any moment-combat promethium, burns and dies fast.
Sedri blinked at the two. "You were serious?" she asked Nat. "About the glasses? A whole herd of ypur just ran through here - you don't actually expect them to be more than powder by now... do you?"
Iza's eyes lit up. "Ooo, Sedri, maybe she enchanted them! You know, with a wand like those Potterverse people-"
She never finished. The featureless figures were approaching; calm and silent, like bit characters without the presence of a Sue. Iza's brow wrinkled (nicely matching her Bajoran nose) and she backed up as Cassie, still half blind, caught sight of them.
"Is that a... Dalek?"
"SEEK AND LO-CATE!" said the Humanized Dalek. "LO-CATE AND KNOCK OUT! KNOCK OUT AND RE-TURN!"
Five pounded her head against a wall. "No, no, no. You lure them back with sausage. That is standard procedure for Ypurs."
"DO YOU HAVE AN-Y SPARE SAU-SAGE?"
"Here," said Five, placing some in Omicron's plunger.
"LURE BACK TO THE CA-FE-TER-I-A!" So saying, Omicron started leading a few Ypurs away.
Nat groaned. "Cass, why don't you carry spares?" She wasn't too concerned, having recognised Five of Six, though she wasn't sure what to make of Omicron. She called after the retreating Dalek, "We just sent someone off to lure a bunch to the cafeteria. If you want to go give him a hand, you can, but there aren't any more around here."
Meanwhile, Cassie had been squinting at the featureless people who were approaching until she heard Nat ask if about spare glasses. She rummaged through her bag of holding, which she never went anywhere without these days, and came up with a spectacles case triumphantly. "Ha! Got some!" She put them on and looked around at the group - three human agents, two Trekverse agents, a Dalek of some sort, and a couple of figures whose species was unknown. "So? Who wants to do the introductions here?"
Whatever the power that plucked the strange figures out of the womb of creation, it now gave the nameless figures some description, though both were still hopelessly generic, and only if you knew the subject matter-one could be described only as an Inquisitor-male human, late twenties. The other, a Sister of Battle-female human, mid twenties, ritual scars on her face. The male steps forwards and speaks with a distinct drawl.
"We are without name, for our creator has given us none. For now, you may simply call me Inquisitor, and my companion Sister. She cannot speak, for our creator has yet to decide on her syntax and accent. We are, of course, well armed, but we will consent to use our neuro shredders in this case-weapons that disrupt the electrical activity in the brain, allowing for lethal or nonlethal incapacitance as deemed necessary."
Liadan slid across the floor, hitting the wall and collasping into an undignified pile.
"#^%&@($ Ypurs!" She cried, unaware of her newfound ability to pronounce symbols in her speech. Rubbing her head, she looked up at the group of people near her. "Oh great. None of you saw that. If any of you are thinking of telling anyone else, let me now so I can Obliviate you now." She held up her wand threateningly. Getting to her feet, she dusted herself off ignoring the wet patches on her uniform.
Liadan suddenly froze as she looked at the featureless beings before her. Blnking her eyes to see if they were playing tricks on her, they weren't, she shook her head. "Hi, not sure who you are, but hi." Looking over at Cassie, Liadan grinned. "Hiya Cassie, haven't seen you since Robecca. Good party after that, huh?"
Hearing the trampling of what had to be yet another stampede of Ypurs, Liadan instantly moved into action. Raising her wand, she moved it in a sweeping motion, muttering under her breath. Where there had previously been empty air there was now a Ypur. Looking down at this one, Liadan quirked her mouth.
"It's the one we domesticated." She told the other Agents. "So far he's been having fun acting as transport for some of the lazier minis, but the Ypurs go off of a group mind. If one isn't running anywhere, they'll stop."
Looking up at the woman who had summoned him, the Ypur cocked his head. She was a nice woman, she smelt like sausages. A rumbling made him turn to the left. A stampede of his brethren were running at him!
At this point, the group mind Liadan had mentioned kicked in. The domesticated Ypur began running, keeping a considerable lead over the other Ypurs.
Watching the departing Ypur dumbly, Liadan let out a 'Gah!', and rubbed her temples. "That didn't go as planned."
"Well, that has to be all of them now, doesn't it? Tyler just lured about thirty off to the cafeteria." She shrugged and leaned against the wall. "Maybe we should go down there and see if they're back."
Nat shrugged and waved at the newcomer. "Okay, seeing as nobody else feels like it, I'll introduce." She nodded towards the two faceless people. "They're Inquisitor and Sister, apparently. You already know me and Cass, and I think you know Sedri and Iza."
***
Elsewhere, Tyler was running for his life. Having thirty stampeding ypurs behind him was almost as motivating as thirty stampeding Agents. He raced through the door ahead of him and found himself in the cafeteria lobby. Sprinting for the cafeteria door, he yanked it open and threw the sausages inside before diving behind the door.
The ypurs charged through and he slammed it shut, then leaned against it, completely winded, and gasped for breath. Fortunately, he had very good lungs, and was just about recovered by the time another group came pounding towards him. Calmly opening the door, he let them run back into the cafeteria and closed it behind them before sitting down and waiting for either Lunac or Liadan to arrive.
***
While the female figure pulled an eviscerator (translator kicking in: twelve-foot chainsaw sword, designed for anti-tank duty) from her localized hammerspace, the male pulled up a convenient chair and a large bottle filled with an unidentifiable liquid.
"Howdy." The figure said, gaining definition by the minute. "I think I'm called Nathan now, but the voices in my head tell me it's only a tentative name-they're not wasting time on my partner at the moment. Fun little critters, those. Remind me of critters from my homeworld. Speaking of which, Catachan whiskey?" The man offered his bottle to the others.
Agent Sedri, who had been tapping her foot impatiently, now blinked. "Sure," she drawled. "Let's just sit here and get drunk while the ypur overrun HQ."
Iza squeaked. "Sedri!" she hissed. "Be nice!" Turning a bright smile to Nathan she said, "I'd like some-"
"Oh no you don't," said Sedri, snatching the bottle. "You're a menace sober. Now what exactly are we going to do, people?" she asked, hands on hips. "How can we restrain the ypur, and where do we have to haul them back to? Hmmm? Can we use a portal generator and activate it in front of them?"
"If that's all it takes," muttered Cassie, "Tyler will kill us."
“Well, like I said before,” Nat said, "we need to get them down to the cafeteria. If Tyler's been distracted enough, he'll already be there."
Cassie shrugged. "If he is, then we'd be better off avoiding him."
"Come on, Cass, he's a right softy, he couldn't use a weapon if he tried."
"Well, you argue with him about it then." The bespectacled Agent turned to Liadan. "So how many ypurs got out altogether, then? We've seen about forty so far, but I'm guessing we're not the only ones to have run across them. And if there are more out, then maybe we could... um... no, I'm out of ideas without the sausages. Sorry."
"We're thinking between eighty and a hundred." She said, her brow knitted as she tried to remember. "It's quite odd actually. I used a locking charm on the Cafeteria last night, but it was dissolved, which let the Ypurs loose. We're thinking their pelts or horns might repel magic. Either that, or.." Liadan trailed off for a minute. "Or someone let them out."
Holding up her wand, which seemed to give off an indignant spark, Liadan waved it threateningly. "After we get them all back in, then I'm gonna be checking on how they got out. Anyone wanna join me?"
"Count me in," said Agent Rosalie, a Naiad in DMFF. "I'm a newbie, and was on my way to my ... tahdis? ... when an Assassin who looked like a giant saltshaker, leading an ypur back with sausage, told me I had to do the same, as well as change something. I asked an Agent in DBS to help with the Ypurs I was luring, but she responded with an indecent proposal."
"Agent Lux," said Agent Blast J of DAVD. "And the way you're dressed, no wonder.” Rosalie was wearing a transparent shift and nothing underneath it. “Go find your TARDIS and put something opaque on. But don't think of wherever your partner said your TARDIS is. Distract yourself or you'll never get anywhere. Meet us in the cafeteria when you're ready."
Rosalie left down the corridor.
"If I had to guess," said Blast J, "I'd say it was a plant for the LMSF trying to throw us in disarray. Here's hoping they get the You-Have-Failed-Me treatment," she added.
"NOT LIKE-LY," said Omicron. "TO BE THE LEAGUE OF MA-RY SUE FAC-TOR-IES, I MEAN."
“Well,” Nathan and the still-featureless female figure exchanged a look, and shrugged towards Liadan. "We don't have much to offer besides firepower, but we'll accompany you."
The two residents of RC #10 looked at each other and nodded. "Sure," Nat said. "It's not like we have anything else to do right now."
Cassie grinned. "I've always wanted to see Potterverse magic in action. So, to the cafeteria then?" She cast an enquiring glance at the others before heading off down the corridor the same way Tyler and the Ypurs had gone.
Before she'd taken more than a few steps, however, what seemed to be two ambulatory fireballs came charging around the corner and leapt for her. She caught one and quickly put it down, wincing. "Greenlead, you know you burn mummy when she's not wearing her fireproof gear! And where have you two been? I've been so worried!"
Nat rolled her eyes, but tossed a slice of bacon towards the slightly smaller fiery creature, which was approaching her. "All right, Giml, there you go." She watched Cassie wander off down the corridor and sighed. "Shall we follow her, then?"
They went, walking mostly in silence while Iza cooed over the mini-Balrogs and started a hushed conversation with Cassie about how she could adopt one. Sedri, fiddling with her far-too-long-a-name pocket knife, didn't hear.
Either everyone was distracting themselves fairly well or HQ was simply tired of ypur stampedes, because they reached the cafeteria within a few minutes.
The door was shut. No charm locked it. The noise inside was deafening.
Sedri paused, dagger in hand, still feeling a bit stupid thanks to her earlier memory lapse. "Uh... Nat? You said the ypur love sausages, right?"
Nat nodded. "Yes."
"How many sausages do you think are stored in the back of the cafeteria?"
"The problem is,” Nathan said slowly, after taking a long draught from his Catachan whiskey, "How are we going to get them trapped anywhere without placing ourselves at risk, sausage or no? I have a syringe of polymorphine from my division, if we have someone willing to temporarily turn into one of those things, if that would work. Or... hmmm..." The Inquisitor thought for a minute. "Or I can run as bait. I'm barely defined enough to qualify as a redshirt."
Tyler had stood up when he saw them coming, and looked at Liadan, rather annoyed. "Does this mean that the cafeteria was not where we were meant to bring them? Because if so, then why was I requested to run all the way down here at the risk of my life?"
Cassie and Iza were still busy cooing over the minis and seemed to have completely forgotten about the current situation. Nat, who was getting very used to Cassie's apparent ability to switch off to anything she didn't feel like paying attention to, shrugged and turned to Liadan as well.
"Is Sedri right, then? Should we not have brought them here? I heard you lot were tagging them or something."
About then, Rosalie returned, now in a sleeveless black gown, and carrying a box. "My partner confiscated a lot of 'Corellian nerf sausages' from somewhere called Deep Space Nine. Maybe this will help.
"EX-CEL-LENT!" said Omicron.
"Enough!" Nathan snapped. "We seem to be getting nowhere, so I hereby assert my authority as an officer of the Imperial Inquisition to put a boot in your collective rear end or analogous anatomical feature and get moving! Rosalie, put the sausages wherever we need the lure the things. Tyler or whatever your name is, congratulations! You've been promoted to bait-take some of the sausage and stand by the door-be ready to run like hell when the door opens. Sedri, you're on the door-on my command, open the door and throw out the sausage-if you die, at least Tyler will be able to pick up where you failed. Everyone with one of those mini-daemons, cover fire-I don't want the Ypurs running loose. Keep them following the sausage. Have I made myself clear?"
"Very clear," said Rosalie.
"WE O-BEY!" said Omicron. "SEEK AND LO-CATE! LO-CATE AND LURE BACK! LURE BACK AND RE-JOICE!"
Sedri glared at the "if you die" comment, but, being pleased that something was finally happening, did not make her usual snappish remark about not taking orders. "Fine," she said, striding up to the door. "But I dare you to try that 'I'm an officer!' routine with the Flowers."
Tyler, looking betrayed and very, very pale, held the sausages tightly. Iza gave him a big hug.
The other agents shrugged and shifted, hoisting whatever weapons they had as the mini-Balrogs crouched eagerly, waiting to pounce. There was tension. There was fear. There was eye-rolling. Nathan examined the prepared group, making one last check before giving the order to proceed.
Sedri rolled her eyes and, without waiting, opened the door.
While Nat and Cassie joined the other agents, Tyler looked around frantically. "But- wait! Where am I meant to be leading them to?"
Sedri opened the door, and the pale man sprinted off towards the nearest corridor.
"How am I supposed to know where you're leading them to?" Nathan asked irritably. "I'm not the one in command of this outfit, but if no one else is going to step up, I will. All else fails, roll a scatter dice and pick somewhere to lead them. I *am* new here, but surely you people have someplace to keep dangerous creatures in relative safety." His words were lost in the noise as about fifty blue ypur, smelling sausage, charged out of the cafeteria doors. Iza yelped and hid, but the other agents kept their heads, and used whatever flashy or noise-making weapons they had to keep the ypur from branching off into the wrong corridor - though with the scent of food on the air, that wasn't too likely. The mini-Balrogs had great fun burning a few blue ankles.
Sedri, behind the door, reached out to grab Cassie's arm. "Where's Tyler going?"
Iza frowned. "Doesn't ANYONE know?" she asked. When all she recieved were blank faces (strained, of course, but the wind and noise of passing ypur - there were certainly more than fifty now), she brightened and declared, "Right! He's going to the office of the Sunflower Official!"
"And just how do you expect that to be true?" muttered Nathan.
Floating above, the Ironic Over-Power was taking notes.
Muttering as she watched the departing Ypurs, Liadan looked around, wondering how she could have gotten lost on the way to the Cafeteria when she had been right next to everyone. Pulling out her wand again, she checked the doors as the Ypurs headed down the corridors to the Sunflower Official's office.
"Ostendium Veneficus!" She cried, hitting the lock with her wand. When nothing happened, she sighed, swishing her wand. "Revealo arcanum?" Her wand, becoming sympathetic to her uncanonical spells, shimmered with a pearly light. The doors lit up, displaying a hand print, and oddly, the shadowed imprint of a staff.
"Well, that can't be good." Liadan muttered. "Know anyone who uses a magical staff?"