Sick as a dog and still feeling obligated...
I came down with a cold on Monday night. I think that was the last time this week I had a decent nights sleep. Unfortunately when I get sick I get super sensitive..and so any lil' noise will wake me. Kind of like tonight...I got to bed at midnight and a bird started signing outside our window at 3:00 am and didn't stop until 5:30. ARG! So, needless to say, I haven't had much sleep and I'm irritable...and since this is the week before the first patient is to be entered into my trial, there's a flurry of activity going on at work so I can't take the time off to rest. ARG! Top it all off, we have a window guy coming out today to give us estimates on our windows and I was silly enough to confirm the appointment..Which brings me to my rant..
Both Bear and I grew up in households where our mothers stayed at home and raised us while our fathers worked. This meant that they took care of the household and I'll admit that both Bear and I have laxed cleaning standards compared to them because we never really did chores. Thus, household cleaning doesn't rank up in priority when other things come up. We figure we can get around to it when we can get around to it...I don't think that the house is horrible, however I'll admit that there is dust on things and papers and books lying around. Anyway, when old friends come over, I try not to care about how the house looks.. When parents come over, I try to clean a little more than usual. And when a complete stranger comes over? Well, this is where I have an issue...I shouldn't care since I don't know them, however most people relate the cleanliness of a house not to the man, but to the woman of the house. Thus, the cleaness is an impression to them on me... not my hubby, for most people relate men with working and thus not cleaning, so the impression of the house all falls on my shoulders, even though I work 60+ hours a week. I know Bear thinks I'm crazy for I got into these cleaning fits when a complete stranger comes over...I'm usually puttering around picking up books that have remained in one place for over 3 weeks, or wiping down trash cans while he sits on the couch and watches TV. I don't normally want to subject him to my insecuries, so I just continue to clean without a word.. Besides that, with my personality type it is difficult for me to ask for help... So he sits there shaking his head as I putter (willing to clean if I ask him to do so, but I have to tell him specifically what needs to be done)..
Forward to last night.. I've been running a fever for the last few days and the house is even more crazy than usual because I've been immediately going to the bedroom and resting when I haven't been at work.. Like a mad woman, I confirm the appointment with this guy and now I am obligated (in my mind) to make a good first impression on him. ARG! So, I'm sweating up a storm as I'm trying to do basic cleaning activities. Bear's sitting on the couch working and watching TV as I'm coughing in the kitchen while I try to sweep the floor. I break down at one point, sitting on the floor, pissed off at myself for being such a silly goose, yet that drive is still there to get the freakin' housework done. I wish I knew where this drive came from so I could sqash it... I finally ask Bear if he could "take care of the dining room table seats".. He says sure and just sits there.. Pisses me off even more.. So I verify with him that he understands waht "taking care of the seats mean" (i.e. brushing them to get any cat hair off them since the cats like to sit on them). He looks at me blankly as I inform him. He then pops up and takes care of it... However he is doing other things and thus needs to be project managed. I just didn't have the strength to do it. So, after asking him to clean one more chair, I continue on with cleaning until I feel that the house is acceptable to influcent a total stranger's first impression of who I am.
I so hate pre-conceived ideas. :(
Both Bear and I grew up in households where our mothers stayed at home and raised us while our fathers worked. This meant that they took care of the household and I'll admit that both Bear and I have laxed cleaning standards compared to them because we never really did chores. Thus, household cleaning doesn't rank up in priority when other things come up. We figure we can get around to it when we can get around to it...I don't think that the house is horrible, however I'll admit that there is dust on things and papers and books lying around. Anyway, when old friends come over, I try not to care about how the house looks.. When parents come over, I try to clean a little more than usual. And when a complete stranger comes over? Well, this is where I have an issue...I shouldn't care since I don't know them, however most people relate the cleanliness of a house not to the man, but to the woman of the house. Thus, the cleaness is an impression to them on me... not my hubby, for most people relate men with working and thus not cleaning, so the impression of the house all falls on my shoulders, even though I work 60+ hours a week. I know Bear thinks I'm crazy for I got into these cleaning fits when a complete stranger comes over...I'm usually puttering around picking up books that have remained in one place for over 3 weeks, or wiping down trash cans while he sits on the couch and watches TV. I don't normally want to subject him to my insecuries, so I just continue to clean without a word.. Besides that, with my personality type it is difficult for me to ask for help... So he sits there shaking his head as I putter (willing to clean if I ask him to do so, but I have to tell him specifically what needs to be done)..
Forward to last night.. I've been running a fever for the last few days and the house is even more crazy than usual because I've been immediately going to the bedroom and resting when I haven't been at work.. Like a mad woman, I confirm the appointment with this guy and now I am obligated (in my mind) to make a good first impression on him. ARG! So, I'm sweating up a storm as I'm trying to do basic cleaning activities. Bear's sitting on the couch working and watching TV as I'm coughing in the kitchen while I try to sweep the floor. I break down at one point, sitting on the floor, pissed off at myself for being such a silly goose, yet that drive is still there to get the freakin' housework done. I wish I knew where this drive came from so I could sqash it... I finally ask Bear if he could "take care of the dining room table seats".. He says sure and just sits there.. Pisses me off even more.. So I verify with him that he understands waht "taking care of the seats mean" (i.e. brushing them to get any cat hair off them since the cats like to sit on them). He looks at me blankly as I inform him. He then pops up and takes care of it... However he is doing other things and thus needs to be project managed. I just didn't have the strength to do it. So, after asking him to clean one more chair, I continue on with cleaning until I feel that the house is acceptable to influcent a total stranger's first impression of who I am.
I so hate pre-conceived ideas. :(