Luna's (Not So) Lunes Linkies - Round 49 ("Before They're Irrelevant/Movies To See" Week)

[the_perkygoff]

Hey guys. This is my last shot to post a fuckton of links before the new year. Next week I will, of course, be finally making good on my promise to make the grand master linkies list viewable to all. Still not sure if I'll start a new list for 2009 entries or continue to post them on that single list for the sake of my sanity... so basically the latter in all likelihood.

This week, I was torn between doing two things... so I'll just do them both! The first half of the links are everything that I need to clear out of my folder now, before they become completely irrelevant in the future and you go, "...wtf are you posting this now for?" The second half will actually make more sense after tomorrow. In short, it's a list of some spectacular movies I'm planning on watching during new year... which means I'll be watching as many bad, cooky movies as I possibly can. The ones worth noting due to their obscurity are what make up the later half of this entry and links are included for those of you who enjoy bad possibly epic the hell if I know, I haven't seen them yet movies that no one else has ever heard of as much as I do.

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"...Before They're Irrelevant" Links

You'll notice that there going to be a certain residual holiday trend for these links, so I may as well start to get them over with: the Santa shooter, which has made headlines everywhere, is the douchebag of the year. Basically. Saved that link for when it was still relatively unknown news, so it's lost a bit of it's relevance, but seriously.

In much nicer holiday news, this Christmas tree is better than YOUR Christmas tree.

When I saw this link, I was sort of anticipating the ending, and then was blown away when they actually did it. "STAR WARS LIGHT SABER CHRISTMAS GIFT" is the first of a few disturbing Christmas related links I have for you that I'm really not interested in hanging onto for a full year for next Christmas.

At least the U.S. isn't the only place to have douche-y "Santas" this year, though I would have paid money to see this next story happen. In Norwich, there was apparently a gang on Father Christmases that got into a brawl with another gang. Did anyone get this on tape?

In other news that everyone was probably aware of, but the papers were running out of real stories so... yeah: people actually celebrate Festivus (ala straight out of Seinfeld).

Here's something that could have probably waited, but since I watch Jhonen Vasquez on Twitter, I was delighted to see his nomination for a Shorty Award. His stream on twitter is best put as "colorfully descriptive" and while I don't use my own Twitter very often I enjoy reading through his posts.

While you all have probably heard about the auto industry's bail out a couple of weeks ago, did you also see the auto industry's "Help a Brother Out" YouTube campaign? It's actually not very funny at all but it boggles my mind that they took the time to make it at all. I wonder how much money they spent to make it?

I love... Santa?

From the land of HOMG RILLY OLD NEWS... I'm sure you all heard about the discovered "lost tribe" found in the Amazon earlier in the year... but did you hear that they really weren't all that "lost" at all? Rather, it was a bit of propaganda to raise public awareness about logging encroaching on indigenous peoples. So... I get it and I'm also amazed... that people haven't backlashed about it. In any case, there you go. I feel better about clearing it out of my folder now.

Now in more recent news was the whole Proposition 8 fiasco. Whether your beliefs go one way or the other, I demand you watch Prop 8 - The Musical, which I'm predicting will exist in reality someday (plus, it's full of famous faces, including Jack Black from Tenacious D).

DO NOT CLICK THIS LINK. IT WILL BREAK YOU. But if you do, then watch it beginning to end. I AM NOT LYING: NSFW. (Err... and Merry Christmas.)

Boston.com has complied a pretty nice list of 2008 in photographs, that you might want to check out if you have the time. (Some NSFW photos in the bunch due to graphic content, but they don't automatically load until you click a link for them.)

And to end this half... I'd like to talk about F.E.A.R. 2, who has apparently launched a crazy creepy awesome viral campaign. You can read about it here (where you can click the "F.E.A.R. 2" tag at the end of the entry for even more fun stuff) or you can start where I did with Philip DeFranco which got me a) interested and b) lulzin'. Notable in the sxephil video: look at the background by the mug at 1:09, then check out 2:48. CREEPY FUN TIMES. You can click around the web for new released stuff about this particular campaign (which is SO COOL if I haven't mentioned that already). EDIT: Another person's view on the whole thing can be read here, which is great for a bunch of other reasons, and this blog is keeping a running log of everything released thusfar (including a link with the full list of [8] individuals who have received cases, posted on the PhillyD forums). I can't help myself for looking up everything I possibly can on this thing; it's so intriguing.

Movies For the New Year

There are a few movies coming out in the 2009 (and further), as well as a few screwball movies, that I'm pretty jazzed in going to see... whether it's because they promise awesomeness or awesome horribleness, it's hard to tell. But you all can be pretty sure I'm making plans to go see all of these:

This Mexican movie, called The Dead One, is basically a foreign version of The Crow. And while it only has something like 3 stars on IMDB, it actually comes to be pretty well recommended. Then again, I literally sat through all of The Crow movies at least once (I even watched this one two or three times. Never go do that) despite my best interest for my sanity. But I'm a sucker and I'll totally watch this one on DVD. The summary: "Diego de la Muerte is a 21-year-old Latino-American living in East L.A. where the Día de los Muertos, Day of the Dead, celebration is right around the corner. Diego dresses up as a zombie mariachi before going to a party, in the process tattooing an Aztech death symbol onto himself. On the way to the party, his car crashes and he is killed. He is sent to Mictlan, the Land of the Dead, where he is sacrificed to Mictlantecuhtli, the God of Death, who rips Diego's heart out and seals it in a clay pot, giving him total control over his soul. Diego is then returned to Earth, imprisoned inside of a his dead body, his make-up permanently etched onto his face. Now, endowed with the dark power to restore life or to take it, he must battle against the dark god Mictlantecuhtli for his soul, and for the souls of those he loves." Holy shit, it's going to be on TMC on Jan. 7. Wait, do I get TMC? I think I do. Okay, no one call me at 8:50 AM. Unless you're going to remind me to watch this movie. Then it's cool.

This next movie either promises to be a hilarious farce... or softcore porn. Sometimes I'm really not sure. HITLER KAPUT! proves Russians like to make parodies too. What's better is that the linked site has trailers for you to watch. And watch them you will. EDIT: Oh hell, looks like the videos are down (?). This works out well for all of us as here's a link to the first trailer for the movie here, and here is a slightly modified version of that trailer, in lower quality, but with subs.

Here's one that's probably going to be horrible, but I've had the movie saved for far too long to NOT share. And yes, it's a real movie. And yes, it's from Japan, so that probably explains everything. Ika resuraa, or the Calamari Wrestler... is apparently just that. Not much more. And uh... can you get less? One of the user reviews: "After seeing this delightful little film, the only way I can think of to describe it is as a Santo (Mexican wrestling) movie set in the weird, weird world of a Japanese cartoon sushi menu... orphans, love interest, entertaining the children, fighting for the glory of the sport of wrestling. Only the wrestler is a giant squid... If you love sushi, cephalopods, magical realism and wrestling, this is the film for you! (if you can find it)" ...So this movie is going to make me hungry, is it?

Oh Will Smith. I finally saw you in I Am Legend a couple of weeks ago. It didn't suck nearly as bad as I had been dreading. I'm still annoyed yer doing that sequel/prequel (now, more than ever as it makes even less sense to me). But putting yer kid in a remake of the Karate Kid? Like, a total remake? :| Seriously. AND after denying it initially. Touchy territory thar, trying to re-do a classic. "The elder Smith is not expected to appear in the film, but will produce." This is a shame. Will as Mr. Miyagi would not only guarantee total cheese, but would launch this movie into lawlerdom because of said cheese.

Well... dammit. I've procrastinated about it long enough, but it seems that I finally have a really good excuse to see Metropolis. While it's not being remade, it seems that a number of scenes thought lost have been found. Jump the link to read all the fun details. The missing film will have to be restored but I'm interested to see what medium they'll chose to release it in for the public.

Another one I need to see, especially now that it's out (and, unlike several of the above mentioned, will actually have a limited U.S. release): Låt den rätte komma in or Let the Right One In is a book-made-film fresh out of Norway about children vampires (tagline: "Oskar, an overlooked and bullied boy, finds love and revenge through Eli, a beautiful but peculiar girl who turns out to be a vampire"). Now, this may or may not seem lame to some of you (the tagline doesn't help) but it's been getting fabulous reviews (as in, "one of the best movies of 2008" reviews). A friend of mine was watching a stream of it online to me only a couple of nights ago, so availability is really not an issue for not seeing it. Edit: English remake is being planned for a 2009 release? My initial reaction was, "that's lame, just subtitle the thing," until I read that the English release had acquired rights to making it first. However, the English release is based on the book so it and it's Swedish counterpart could end up being quite different.

Also from the land of vaguely horror, I have to thank serke for this one. Not because she recommended it to me (like Let The Right One In or the next movie on the list) but because she had no idea that sheep had horizontal shaped pupils (bee-tee-dubs: they do) and I would have never found this movie otherwise. Black Sheep, a movie from 2006, is about, well, killer sheep. And actually looks promising. I mean, I know 87% of you rolled your eyes about that, like I did (I also massively lawl'd) but as the linked review points out: "For starters, sheep aren't small. They're fast enough to run down a healthy human, and, weighing in at an average upwards of 150 pounds, we're all just lucky that sheep are more interested in grass than manflesh. So, rather than actually altering the characteristics of the animal, all Black Sheep had to do was change the personality. Everything else about the sheep remained the same, right down to the dental pad. It's rather scary to think that this is likely a pretty good prediction of what would happen if sheep got a hankering for meat." The movie also doesn't take itself very seriously, which is a major plus in it's favor. I won't be surprised if it ends up in my DVD collection by the end of 2009.

I THINK THARS THIS PATTERN I HAVE, SEE? Where there is hilarity and lulz and zombies and/or vampires are only marginally optional for the movies I want to see. Thanks to serke, I want to see (Nazi Zombies in the) DEAD SNOW as well. I know nothing about it beyond the trailer on the linked page, and laughed so much at the end of the trailer for its Best Use Of Music Evar. (And yes, it's one of many things that variates on the Nazi + super human experiments = fun movie monster tiem. I'll undoubtedly be wondering when Alucard [Hellsing] is going to show up while watching this.) Also, Swedish? Is awesome to hear spoken.

AND HAY, WUT PATTERN? Lesbian Vampire Killers is a real movie (which, again, may in fact be a soft-core porn and I just don't know it yet) that reminds me of Reform School Zombie Squad (the only reason why I ever watched the show Scream Queens and SHOULD be made into a real movie) and the both of which should be watch for the impending giggles. (Umm... both are NSFW? Probably?)

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The last few are all live action remakes of classic anime and cartoon series. Some of which you may have known about being made. Others of which... maybe less so. All of which have been torn between jumping for joy (either in optimism or complete sarcasm) and tearing my hair out. And I have a lot of hair so that could last for ages. In any case, here they are:

So, some of you have likely gone to see The Day The Earth Stood Still. Every person I've spoken to seems to have about the same review for the movie: despite Keanu's best efforts to destroy it with his Keanuness, it didn't actually totally suck... because he plays an emotionless alien anyway. But did you know that Teh Reeves has his eye set on new prey? Now, normally, finding out that Cowboy Bebop was about to be made into a live action movie would have me squealing. But Keanu (or, as my mother often accidentally calls him, "Canoe") as Spike Flippin' Speigel?? Okay, it doesn't stop my squeeing over live action CB, but it's also mixed horrible, horrible dread. Lawl, Canoe is a fan of anime.

If you haven't heard that Dragonball Z, no wait, the canon! The canon hurts my eyes! WHAT IS THIS CANON YOU SPEAK OF? was being remade into a live action movie... well. Now you do. Here's some of the first stuff to get released about it and... well. I haven't really been keeping up with it. It promises to be full of epic fail and I'm so going opening night which is enough for me to not really want me to save stuff about it (the best place to check for new news about it is probably the main page, which has undergone a major revamp since the last time I checked it out). As an aside, from what I remember reading, both the girls who play ChiChi and Bulma respectively are rather big DBZ fans, which is enough to make me glee. James Marsters as (a non-green) Piccolo also made me lawl (and what's this? He's also a fan of the show?). Am I the only person who will grudgingly admit he looks kinda cool? AND ZOMG. Chow Yun Fat as Master Roshi. This movie might win through epic fail. Edit: Apparently the movie is being released under the title "Dragonball: Evolution" now.

I got really excited about this next one... excited enough that when I tried to shoot this movie news to a few people, I forgot to include the link. While the screenplay is currently being written, with a very tentative 2010 release date, I'm going to definitely keep an eye out for live-action Jonny Quest!! More about it over at Rotten Tomatoes and /Film.

Ending my list with the movie I've known the longest about: live-action Akira? Again, apparently throwing a chunk of canon out of the window, as Akira takes places in post-apocalyptic WW3 Japan... and Leonardo DiCaprio will be playing Kaneda (on top of producing the movie). It'll actually be done in two parts, with the first having a 2009 release date. I'm kind of cringing, as it's the second full length anime movie I ever saw, but I'll see it anyway. Here in the states, it's being marketed as "Blade Runner meets City of God" which... is actually fair. But who knows? The premise of Akira definitely an translate excellently into film so here's to hoping. And if they call "Kaneda" Canada, I'm going to bust a gut in the theater. More info can be read here and here (which mentions an upcoming ROBOTECH movie starring Tobey Maguire, LOLWUT?). I'm actually somewhat familiar with the director too, for his work in the short film "50% Grey" (viewable via the link) and he doesn't suck so... yeah? I'd actually be lying if I said I wasn't excited for this one. I just can't possibly anticipate how it's going to be.

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Other films, not mentioned above, that I'll absolutely seeing come 2009 include The Spirit (ASAP), Watchmen (in March, in IMAX), Dark Knight (again, but in IMAX this time). And hell, while I had no plans to see it originally, after seeing this, err, screenshot, I think I have to see Valkyrie as well. Also waiting on Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland (in 2010 with Johnny Depp) and the Dark Shadows movie, with an unknown release date (also Tim Burton and Johnny Depp)

I, for those movies mentioned above that I'll be seeing in theaters, won't make the mistake that one guy did in Philadelphia and talk during the movie(s). After all, I don't want to get shot. (Courtesy serke)

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Happy new year everyone! I hope it's good for all of you and remember to be grateful for what you have.