Pencils
I wrote this while at work, and then later at home after someone gave me two brand-new, freshly sharpened, No. 2 pencils.
There's something extremely organic about writing in pencil. Even my penmanship is better. A real No. 2 pencil with an eraser; feels innocent, legit, and comforting. Brings back warm memories and reminders of elementary school: the smells, the lighting, the vibrant bright colors, the buzz of excitement from hundreds of children, all there for the common purpose to have their minds shaped by their teachers. When learning was exciting, new, and not a chore. When you wanted to be there, school was fun, and you wanted to learn.
That's how I felt anyway.
Something about writing in pencil makes me feel like a legit writer, for some reason, as well. Its an interesting concept of being catapulted forward into what I'm meant to be, my calling, my passion, yet it cements me back into my childhood, into my carefree happiness when making an A was so easy. You got rewarded for answering simple questions, or for just trying your best. Even still, it felt so rewarding and like you really earned it. Then you realize you're no longer a child, but an adult, thrust into reality where most of the time, lately, at least for me, your best still isn't quite good enough.
Why did we stop using pencils?
Why can't that be the "norm" and be thought of as professional with important matters and documents?
Maybe its because, with a pencil, you can always erase your mistakes, start over, and people will be none-the-wiser about your mistake but you.
Maybe that's why we're forced to use pen later on in our school careers. To prepare us for life, because in life you can't just simply erase your mistakes. They're permanently there for all to see. Even white-out still shows the sign of a mistake made, though its easier to mask what that mistake actually entailed.
However, everyone is still aware its there. Especially you, because you know what lies beneath that fresh, pure, clean white line.
Pens taught us to learn from our mistakes, to be in constant reminder of what we did, to study it, to analyze it and work toward acceptance; acceptance from ourselves, and acceptance from others. They teach us not to be too proud, to admit we were wrong.
Even computers and type-writers are not fool-proof. With type-writers, even when you crumple up the paper to throw it in the garbage can, the evidence is still there. Whether our past is saved by cookies on the internet, your documents in your hard-drive or the trash bin, its still there. Even spell-check on word documents allows us to appear perfect, to rely on something or someone else to catch our mistakes for us, sometimes automatically correcting them, sometimes before we are even aware we are making the same mistake over, and over, and over again.
I love pencils. For the sentimental value and the ease of being able to erase your past in a few flicks of your wrist. But, maybe some people should begin using pens from the very beginning. To learn how its okay to be vulnerable and to make mistakes, to feel at ease to admit they're wrong and to not be able to hide from it and be secretive.
Being honest and true and out in the open.
To be naked.
There's something extremely organic about writing in pencil. Even my penmanship is better. A real No. 2 pencil with an eraser; feels innocent, legit, and comforting. Brings back warm memories and reminders of elementary school: the smells, the lighting, the vibrant bright colors, the buzz of excitement from hundreds of children, all there for the common purpose to have their minds shaped by their teachers. When learning was exciting, new, and not a chore. When you wanted to be there, school was fun, and you wanted to learn.
That's how I felt anyway.
Something about writing in pencil makes me feel like a legit writer, for some reason, as well. Its an interesting concept of being catapulted forward into what I'm meant to be, my calling, my passion, yet it cements me back into my childhood, into my carefree happiness when making an A was so easy. You got rewarded for answering simple questions, or for just trying your best. Even still, it felt so rewarding and like you really earned it. Then you realize you're no longer a child, but an adult, thrust into reality where most of the time, lately, at least for me, your best still isn't quite good enough.
Why did we stop using pencils?
Why can't that be the "norm" and be thought of as professional with important matters and documents?
Maybe its because, with a pencil, you can always erase your mistakes, start over, and people will be none-the-wiser about your mistake but you.
Maybe that's why we're forced to use pen later on in our school careers. To prepare us for life, because in life you can't just simply erase your mistakes. They're permanently there for all to see. Even white-out still shows the sign of a mistake made, though its easier to mask what that mistake actually entailed.
However, everyone is still aware its there. Especially you, because you know what lies beneath that fresh, pure, clean white line.
Pens taught us to learn from our mistakes, to be in constant reminder of what we did, to study it, to analyze it and work toward acceptance; acceptance from ourselves, and acceptance from others. They teach us not to be too proud, to admit we were wrong.
Even computers and type-writers are not fool-proof. With type-writers, even when you crumple up the paper to throw it in the garbage can, the evidence is still there. Whether our past is saved by cookies on the internet, your documents in your hard-drive or the trash bin, its still there. Even spell-check on word documents allows us to appear perfect, to rely on something or someone else to catch our mistakes for us, sometimes automatically correcting them, sometimes before we are even aware we are making the same mistake over, and over, and over again.
I love pencils. For the sentimental value and the ease of being able to erase your past in a few flicks of your wrist. But, maybe some people should begin using pens from the very beginning. To learn how its okay to be vulnerable and to make mistakes, to feel at ease to admit they're wrong and to not be able to hide from it and be secretive.
Being honest and true and out in the open.
To be naked.