So this is it.
Tonight should be fun. I cannot cry until the end. I have to be happy so we can enjoy our last night together before he leaves, and our last memory will be happy. We have to have a good time tonight. I think we will. I want to talk to him about everything. I don’t even know what that means but I want tonight to be significant and not sad. I want it to be special and not horribly sad. I want everything to be perfect, but maybe that was my flaw in the first place.
I set up such high expectations and of course nobody could live up to those expectations, I get disappointed, they get irritated and everything blows up in our faces.
It should be good. He sounded good. I am glad he got to see his family before he left…especially his dad. I think that was very important. I think deep down it was to him too.
I cannot believe he is going to be gone from GA for good. I know I will be able to talk to him and call him, but I get a sick feeling in my stomach knowing he is really gone. I know it is over between us relationship-wise. However I think that it is going to be much worse, knowing that he is no longer in my life here at all. He will be in a totally different place there, living a totally different life away from everyone here…getting away from his past…away from me.
I cannot believe this is happening. I am happy for him, yet kind of jealous at the same time. I am stuck here working at Elwood’s, barely writing or doing anything at all to further my career plans…and he is making something of himself…after breaking my heart and shattering everything that I believed in…he always seems to win.
I will make something of myself,. I am going to apply for different jobs, and I will write more. I have to. I have to try to get a job at some editorial somewhere…anywhere. I have to do this. Maybe it is good he is doing this because once again he is challenging me and making me want to be a better person and strive to do something with my life.
I guess he still has an effect on me after all of this.
I hate that he still inspires me after all we have been through, and I am beginning to feel as though I really haven’t moved on or learned what kind of person I am because I always look back to someone in order to figure out what I want and who I am.
Maybe it is a good thing he is moving.
But damn it is going to hurt.
I set up such high expectations and of course nobody could live up to those expectations, I get disappointed, they get irritated and everything blows up in our faces.
It should be good. He sounded good. I am glad he got to see his family before he left…especially his dad. I think that was very important. I think deep down it was to him too.
I cannot believe he is going to be gone from GA for good. I know I will be able to talk to him and call him, but I get a sick feeling in my stomach knowing he is really gone. I know it is over between us relationship-wise. However I think that it is going to be much worse, knowing that he is no longer in my life here at all. He will be in a totally different place there, living a totally different life away from everyone here…getting away from his past…away from me.
I cannot believe this is happening. I am happy for him, yet kind of jealous at the same time. I am stuck here working at Elwood’s, barely writing or doing anything at all to further my career plans…and he is making something of himself…after breaking my heart and shattering everything that I believed in…he always seems to win.
I will make something of myself,. I am going to apply for different jobs, and I will write more. I have to. I have to try to get a job at some editorial somewhere…anywhere. I have to do this. Maybe it is good he is doing this because once again he is challenging me and making me want to be a better person and strive to do something with my life.
I guess he still has an effect on me after all of this.
I hate that he still inspires me after all we have been through, and I am beginning to feel as though I really haven’t moved on or learned what kind of person I am because I always look back to someone in order to figure out what I want and who I am.
Maybe it is a good thing he is moving.
But damn it is going to hurt.