(no subject)
Well everyone, this may come to a huge shock to everyone(not really) but me and Chad have broken up. In a way I blame myself, even though I know it was not really my fault. See, what happened is me and him started to have really bad problems because I knew he was getting into coke again. I willnot date a cokehead. So anyway, when i found out about that, I was furios, because I've fought so hard for that boy, and helped him stay clean for the longest time. But I quite fighting for him because its hard to fight for someone who doesnt want your help. We started fighting so bad that I broke up with him, but he said,"no, we're not breaking up. We can take a break for a couple of days though." I just walked home without confirming anything. He called me the next day to make sure that was what I really wanted. I said,"i thought we werent broken up." he said, "I thought you broke up with me, and I was pissed, and I did something really stupid." Turns out he made out with this stripper girl. So I was like whatever, dont let it happen again. So things progressed on, and he thought that I was cheating on him, so he cheated on me with the same stripper, which I didnt find out until later, when teh dumb bitch called his house and told me. So we broke up and He told me he wanted me back and I said if he can behave then we can go back out, but the stripper called my house, and while I was on the phone with her Chad called her. So its over. Anyway, I know Chad, and I know he will be wanting me back, but its not gonna happen. I love him to death, but he just wants me to be there when he gets back from partying and messing with other girls,.. He wants me to be like his little house wife who waits up for him. Not gonna ever happen. Most guys like him want to have a woman in the corner, someone who's gonna love him and have his back no matter what, and is gonna be there for him to cuddle and love on when he gets back from doing his dirty deeds. And I did love him, and I did have his back, but it got to the point where it was just me fighting for him, and for gods sakes, if you can't help yourself, dont expect me to able to carry all you dirty laundry myself. Chad is a lovely persom, he really is. He would do anything for anyone if they really asked him. He could hate someones guts but if they walked up to him and said,"I dont have a problem with you, he would do anything for them. But...he's not ready for this relationship. He's not a man yet. A man is someone who wants to go out there and get a job, and has plans for himself. Thats the kind of man I want. BUt then I have to ask myself, What makes me think that I'm so wonderful that a guy like that would want me when all I do is sit around on my ass all day doing nothing? I'm obviously not ready for a relationship like that either. However, before me and Chad got together, I knew what he was like, and I dated him anyway, thinking I could change him for the better. That was my first mistake. You should never try to change someone, because they'll just resent it. If all Chad had been doing was trying to change me(which he did do wuite a bit) I'd be hella pissed too. I may sound way too understanding towards aguy that just cheated on me, but I do love ya Chad. And I will always have your back. I can unserstand that no guy his age wants to be with just one girl. And I'm not gonna torture myself by never forgiving him for what he did. If I were to carry that hate on my shoulders I would just destry myself. I did hate him for a couple of days, just because I was so hurt, but you know what I wanted to do while I hated him? I wanted to lay down and die. I wnated to shove every pill in my medicine cabinent down my throat. NOw, I just relax about it because I know its his problems that ruined our relationship, and not mine. Chad just has sex problems, and other problems, and he needs to get some help before it eats him alive. I hope someday I can say I'm happy for you. Until then, I'll always have love for you baby.