(no subject)
Why am I back here?
Because I still look at that little turtle and laugh my damn balls off. He's in reality probably pretty pissed that this thing the size of a goddamned high-rise has come to rip him away from everything he's known at speeds he's never comprehended, and is probably in his defiant way screaming tiny turtle profanities and wishing death and firey vengance against all humans. He is, probably, the second most ballsiest tiny animal I know if. But he looks so damned cheery.
The first animal I've ever seen with balls too massive to be held in this universe, and so they are held in a pocket universe that does not subscribe to laws of gravity, inertia, or other trivialities that would inhibit massive testicular fortitude, was a miniscule crab in a tank in an exotic pet shop in the city of Arlington, in Texas. I went there with Shannon whose LJ name I can't recall or be bothered to look up just now, and we saw a largish tank devoid of fish. It just had sand, and one tiny tiny little crab near the front of the tank, picking up sand a grain at a time. Even the individual grains were large compared to this crab, and he fed them through his mouthparts one at a time, picking off the slime or algae or whatever he was after, over and over and over, one grain per claw, in the bottom of the mouth, spitting it out the top. We had to lean down very close to the tank to see that it was indeed a crab and not just some bit of flotsom. As we did and were both saying "holy shit that's the tiniest crab ever seen" it saw us. It took one half second break from feeding to look at us, raise it's claws high and wave them threateningly around at us, and then proceed to ignore us forever more. He took long enough to mime the best rendition of the phrase "Imma fuck you up, bitches, step back" I've ever seen and then showed us the fucking door.
We had no cameras, and wouldn't have known to take the shot.
I'm pretty sure he interpreted our cooing and laughter as reasonable pleas for mercy.
Because I still look at that little turtle and laugh my damn balls off. He's in reality probably pretty pissed that this thing the size of a goddamned high-rise has come to rip him away from everything he's known at speeds he's never comprehended, and is probably in his defiant way screaming tiny turtle profanities and wishing death and firey vengance against all humans. He is, probably, the second most ballsiest tiny animal I know if. But he looks so damned cheery.
The first animal I've ever seen with balls too massive to be held in this universe, and so they are held in a pocket universe that does not subscribe to laws of gravity, inertia, or other trivialities that would inhibit massive testicular fortitude, was a miniscule crab in a tank in an exotic pet shop in the city of Arlington, in Texas. I went there with Shannon whose LJ name I can't recall or be bothered to look up just now, and we saw a largish tank devoid of fish. It just had sand, and one tiny tiny little crab near the front of the tank, picking up sand a grain at a time. Even the individual grains were large compared to this crab, and he fed them through his mouthparts one at a time, picking off the slime or algae or whatever he was after, over and over and over, one grain per claw, in the bottom of the mouth, spitting it out the top. We had to lean down very close to the tank to see that it was indeed a crab and not just some bit of flotsom. As we did and were both saying "holy shit that's the tiniest crab ever seen" it saw us. It took one half second break from feeding to look at us, raise it's claws high and wave them threateningly around at us, and then proceed to ignore us forever more. He took long enough to mime the best rendition of the phrase "Imma fuck you up, bitches, step back" I've ever seen and then showed us the fucking door.
We had no cameras, and wouldn't have known to take the shot.
I'm pretty sure he interpreted our cooing and laughter as reasonable pleas for mercy.