It's a lot.
Some remember me posting about my membranes rupturing at 29 weeks. I was told that I would be bed-rested here at the hospital until delivery. Three false alarms (within the three weeks I was hospitalized), and painful contractions each time had me thinking that day was just not going to ever come.
Was laboring for 3 hours with painful contractions and the doctor kept saying it was probably another false alarm and didn't even come check me but instead just ordered fluids (which was working to stop the labor at previous events) Finally, after 3 hours of NST monitoring and the contractions not going away, but instead getting to the 2-3 minutes apart mark, I was sent downstairs to L&D. Doctor came in and I was in tears from pain. My blood pressure was 155/100. She checked me and said "you're 5-6 centimeters dilated" and went into the hall and yelled to the nurses station "STAT C-section, let's go, right now, get the team together!" and she came in to say "I'm going to check you still, but I'm almost positive I felt feet." Ultrasound confirmed, full breech position. I cried.
Anesthesia said "Spinal block?" the doctor replied "IF you can get it in like NOW" and he followed behind us rushing down the hall to operating room telling me the risks/consent policies. I called boyfriend on the way, because I hadn't called to tell him I was going downstairs because of all the previous false alarms. I regretted waiting so long then, because the doctor said "He's not going to make it- you're going to be cut open and he's going to be out as soon as we can possibly get him out- probably in the next 15 minutes".... I was wheeled into the operating room and I was so scared, lonely and sad that I couldn't stop crying. The anesthesia doctor kept talking to me, telling me boyfriend (John) might make it, and the baby was going to be fine. I was still having contractions, and being still and calm for the needle was really really hard.
They went to work right away, Ethan didn't want to come out, they actually spent about 10-15 minutes pulling and tugging him out, and he's got bruises from the ordeal on his legs and arms. I couldnt see him, he was just out of my view with the drape up, and all I could see was the nurse standing on the end closest to me, shaking her head. That was SO scary. He came out not breathing, and as they were putting a breathing tube in, he was spitting it out and started screaming- music to my ears, literally. They put a nose cannula on him and gave him a little bit of oxygen, but he really didn't need it.
The anesthesia doctor kept talking to me, telling me about his three kids, asking me about my baby, what his name was and just doing a miraculous job at keeping me calm. He would occasionally yell out "can someone check and see if John is here yet?" and when he did get here, everyone yelled out "Amy, John's here! He's scrubbing in right now, he'll be in here in just a minute!" the anesthesia doctor said "Amy, did you hear that? I told you he'd be here!" and I was so touched by their words of encouragement that I (big surprise) cried. He came in and came to sit by me and I said "Do you see him? Do you see Ethan?" and he said "yep, I see him"
They brought him over to me for about 30 seconds, long enough for me to kiss him on the forehead, say "I love you Ethan, I'll see you in a little bit baby" and they took him away. Around this time, the doctor came over and told us that everything went great, that I was a freakin rock star (haha) and that they would close me up, I would go to recovery for 2 hours and that I'd been through "so much" that she was d/c'ing the gestational diabetes stuff, no more finger sticks or insulin. :)
When I saw Ethan about 2 hours later, I was able to hold him for about 30 minutes and even though he had been crying, he calmed down and just rested in my arms and I could just tell he was a little more content. :)
I had some drama- my mother decided to text everyone in my family and facebook a birth announcement with a picture of Ethan; and that really really upset me... but other than that it was as nice a birthing experience as COULD be with all of the urgency and scared as I was.
Ethan, now 6 days old, (born at 32 weeks 1 day gestation) is doing great. He is totally breathing on his own, tolerating a little bit more breastmilk every feeding (for as long as I can produce without him actually feeding from breast) - like 23mls per 3 hours- feeding through an NG tube in his nose. I was discharged on Thursday, it was a whirlwind of emotions for me, big time. Plus, the hosiptal has a Ronald Mcdonald room for NICU mother's with 2 bedrooms and a community living room, but I'm not allowed to stay in it because of my MRSA history. I am very very very upset about that. I contacted patient advocacy because I was so upset and felt discriminated against because it just doesn't make sense to me that I can sit in the main lobby or really anywhere in the hospital but I can't spend the night in one of the rooms designed for nursing mothers to stay the night to be close to their baby because I have had MRSA in the past. Patient advocacy was actually very supportive and encouraging that this wasn't fair over the phone, and when the hospital social worker (who SUCKS at her job) talked to him over the phone, I guess she changed his mind because they both came in Ethan's room yesterday while I was holding him and said that there's really nothing that they can do... I was just suggesting that they put a recliner chair in his room and let me rest there, but they said they can't do that either. It's unfair and it really frustrates me, because we live 20-25 mintues away from the hospital and there are no bus stops within 6 miles walking distance either. They found a room on the NICU floor that they said I could stay in on Thursday night, but that is a room that they use to let babies and their parents who are going home the next day stay in overnight so that the parents have some support before they take their baby home. Friday and tonight and tomorrow, it's occupied. I'm really frustrated about it. I reached out to my dover/local friends to see if someone could just let me sleep on their couch for the next week or two (he's "supposed" to be going home in 2 weeks, if everything stays good), but no one even responded. I wouldn't wish this situation on ANYone. I have so much guilt leaving him, and today I overslept and didn't make it in here until 11am, because I had to stay up really late last night getting things from 3 weeks of a hospital stay settled. Plus I'm still trying to get up every 3-4 hours to pump, because I'm exclusively pumping. It really really sucks a suck that no one can imagine having to go home (especially after three weeks in the hospital, anticipating the "bringing the baby home") without your baby. Having to walk out those doors and know that your baby isn't inside you any more, and instead is in the NICU, struggling and you can't be there. I can't even describe it. I was thinking of calling around to some churches or hotels and seeing if any of the local (to the hospital) ones can help me with a place to sleep (close to a bus line) until Ethan comes home. And it's super frustrating because everyone acts like it's just "normal" or tell me that I should just be happy that Ethan is "well"... it's frustrating because even though I'm making it a point to try my best to stay positive, sometimes these hormones just have me breaking down in tears at the littlest thing- like when I was having a hard time pumping the other day, pumped for 15 minutes and got NOT ONE DROP. The nurse helped me (I was luckily not out of the hospital yet, so she was right there) to figure out the pump wasn't acting right, and helped me to fix it. Even though she did laugh at me when I started crying out of relief when the pump started working again- she said "honey, your milk doesn't dry up in 3 hours- it's not possible. Don't cry" and I said "I just feel like now that he's been literally cut out of me, the only "help" I am to him is my breastmilk..... y'all are doing the "hard" work, I am just as good as what the pump gives me to feed him." SHe looked at me, laughed lightly and said "Honey, you're here with him like 18-20 hours out of the day.... the reason he's doing so well IS because you're here, and he knows and feels your presence. Don't underestimate that." ..... I can't really explain it, but when she said that to me, I just suddenly became in the right mindset to be able to go home. The thought of it didn't make me want to break down anymore, it didn't make me feel desparate to sleep on the floor of the hallway, I just thought to myself "It's friday, I can come back anytime tomorrow morning, hell if I want to I can turn the car around and come right back when I get home if it's just too hard to handle." .....
The only other thing that sucks is the fact that not working in three weeks means that I have limited funds to be able to eat and get back and forth. One thing that helps with that is that the cafe will give me patient priced meals since Ethan is in the NICU. Just so many unneccessary obstacles. And too many people that shrug their shoulders and say "that's hospital policy." instead of trying to HELP me. If Ethan was a regular patient on the PEDS floor, I would be able to stay with him in his room all day and all night and no one would be able to say anything different. And the PEDS floor rooms have couches for the parents. This is how frustrating things just become stupidity/laziness on the part of the hospital staff. Clearly none of them have had children that end up in the NICU. There's got to be something put into place for situations like this... All of the new moms with kids in the NICU are in the Ronald Mcdonald room right now socializing while the nursery is "closed" for report- and I feel like a leper because I'm not even allowed in there. I'm not even allowed to talk to the other moms. I have to sit out here,, by myself and wait until the NICU opens again. While these new moms are wheeled with their babies up to the post partum floor, or the laboring moms walk around with smiles on their faces (clearly the contractions haven't kicked in yet), waiting for their new babies to come.... and I can't be in the Ronald Mcdonald room because I might "infect" MRSA on the NICU moms (with no "active" infection- just a past history) but I can sit in the hallway and "possibly infect" new patients--- very frustrating.
Anyway, it's SO past time to go back and sit with Ethan again.... and I'm only able to hold him every other feeding, which is this one- 8:30pm. I leave you with a picture of the last "holding him" picture- the tube in his nose is the feeding tube.
Was laboring for 3 hours with painful contractions and the doctor kept saying it was probably another false alarm and didn't even come check me but instead just ordered fluids (which was working to stop the labor at previous events) Finally, after 3 hours of NST monitoring and the contractions not going away, but instead getting to the 2-3 minutes apart mark, I was sent downstairs to L&D. Doctor came in and I was in tears from pain. My blood pressure was 155/100. She checked me and said "you're 5-6 centimeters dilated" and went into the hall and yelled to the nurses station "STAT C-section, let's go, right now, get the team together!" and she came in to say "I'm going to check you still, but I'm almost positive I felt feet." Ultrasound confirmed, full breech position. I cried.
Anesthesia said "Spinal block?" the doctor replied "IF you can get it in like NOW" and he followed behind us rushing down the hall to operating room telling me the risks/consent policies. I called boyfriend on the way, because I hadn't called to tell him I was going downstairs because of all the previous false alarms. I regretted waiting so long then, because the doctor said "He's not going to make it- you're going to be cut open and he's going to be out as soon as we can possibly get him out- probably in the next 15 minutes".... I was wheeled into the operating room and I was so scared, lonely and sad that I couldn't stop crying. The anesthesia doctor kept talking to me, telling me boyfriend (John) might make it, and the baby was going to be fine. I was still having contractions, and being still and calm for the needle was really really hard.
They went to work right away, Ethan didn't want to come out, they actually spent about 10-15 minutes pulling and tugging him out, and he's got bruises from the ordeal on his legs and arms. I couldnt see him, he was just out of my view with the drape up, and all I could see was the nurse standing on the end closest to me, shaking her head. That was SO scary. He came out not breathing, and as they were putting a breathing tube in, he was spitting it out and started screaming- music to my ears, literally. They put a nose cannula on him and gave him a little bit of oxygen, but he really didn't need it.
The anesthesia doctor kept talking to me, telling me about his three kids, asking me about my baby, what his name was and just doing a miraculous job at keeping me calm. He would occasionally yell out "can someone check and see if John is here yet?" and when he did get here, everyone yelled out "Amy, John's here! He's scrubbing in right now, he'll be in here in just a minute!" the anesthesia doctor said "Amy, did you hear that? I told you he'd be here!" and I was so touched by their words of encouragement that I (big surprise) cried. He came in and came to sit by me and I said "Do you see him? Do you see Ethan?" and he said "yep, I see him"
They brought him over to me for about 30 seconds, long enough for me to kiss him on the forehead, say "I love you Ethan, I'll see you in a little bit baby" and they took him away. Around this time, the doctor came over and told us that everything went great, that I was a freakin rock star (haha) and that they would close me up, I would go to recovery for 2 hours and that I'd been through "so much" that she was d/c'ing the gestational diabetes stuff, no more finger sticks or insulin. :)
When I saw Ethan about 2 hours later, I was able to hold him for about 30 minutes and even though he had been crying, he calmed down and just rested in my arms and I could just tell he was a little more content. :)
I had some drama- my mother decided to text everyone in my family and facebook a birth announcement with a picture of Ethan; and that really really upset me... but other than that it was as nice a birthing experience as COULD be with all of the urgency and scared as I was.
Ethan, now 6 days old, (born at 32 weeks 1 day gestation) is doing great. He is totally breathing on his own, tolerating a little bit more breastmilk every feeding (for as long as I can produce without him actually feeding from breast) - like 23mls per 3 hours- feeding through an NG tube in his nose. I was discharged on Thursday, it was a whirlwind of emotions for me, big time. Plus, the hosiptal has a Ronald Mcdonald room for NICU mother's with 2 bedrooms and a community living room, but I'm not allowed to stay in it because of my MRSA history. I am very very very upset about that. I contacted patient advocacy because I was so upset and felt discriminated against because it just doesn't make sense to me that I can sit in the main lobby or really anywhere in the hospital but I can't spend the night in one of the rooms designed for nursing mothers to stay the night to be close to their baby because I have had MRSA in the past. Patient advocacy was actually very supportive and encouraging that this wasn't fair over the phone, and when the hospital social worker (who SUCKS at her job) talked to him over the phone, I guess she changed his mind because they both came in Ethan's room yesterday while I was holding him and said that there's really nothing that they can do... I was just suggesting that they put a recliner chair in his room and let me rest there, but they said they can't do that either. It's unfair and it really frustrates me, because we live 20-25 mintues away from the hospital and there are no bus stops within 6 miles walking distance either. They found a room on the NICU floor that they said I could stay in on Thursday night, but that is a room that they use to let babies and their parents who are going home the next day stay in overnight so that the parents have some support before they take their baby home. Friday and tonight and tomorrow, it's occupied. I'm really frustrated about it. I reached out to my dover/local friends to see if someone could just let me sleep on their couch for the next week or two (he's "supposed" to be going home in 2 weeks, if everything stays good), but no one even responded. I wouldn't wish this situation on ANYone. I have so much guilt leaving him, and today I overslept and didn't make it in here until 11am, because I had to stay up really late last night getting things from 3 weeks of a hospital stay settled. Plus I'm still trying to get up every 3-4 hours to pump, because I'm exclusively pumping. It really really sucks a suck that no one can imagine having to go home (especially after three weeks in the hospital, anticipating the "bringing the baby home") without your baby. Having to walk out those doors and know that your baby isn't inside you any more, and instead is in the NICU, struggling and you can't be there. I can't even describe it. I was thinking of calling around to some churches or hotels and seeing if any of the local (to the hospital) ones can help me with a place to sleep (close to a bus line) until Ethan comes home. And it's super frustrating because everyone acts like it's just "normal" or tell me that I should just be happy that Ethan is "well"... it's frustrating because even though I'm making it a point to try my best to stay positive, sometimes these hormones just have me breaking down in tears at the littlest thing- like when I was having a hard time pumping the other day, pumped for 15 minutes and got NOT ONE DROP. The nurse helped me (I was luckily not out of the hospital yet, so she was right there) to figure out the pump wasn't acting right, and helped me to fix it. Even though she did laugh at me when I started crying out of relief when the pump started working again- she said "honey, your milk doesn't dry up in 3 hours- it's not possible. Don't cry" and I said "I just feel like now that he's been literally cut out of me, the only "help" I am to him is my breastmilk..... y'all are doing the "hard" work, I am just as good as what the pump gives me to feed him." SHe looked at me, laughed lightly and said "Honey, you're here with him like 18-20 hours out of the day.... the reason he's doing so well IS because you're here, and he knows and feels your presence. Don't underestimate that." ..... I can't really explain it, but when she said that to me, I just suddenly became in the right mindset to be able to go home. The thought of it didn't make me want to break down anymore, it didn't make me feel desparate to sleep on the floor of the hallway, I just thought to myself "It's friday, I can come back anytime tomorrow morning, hell if I want to I can turn the car around and come right back when I get home if it's just too hard to handle." .....
The only other thing that sucks is the fact that not working in three weeks means that I have limited funds to be able to eat and get back and forth. One thing that helps with that is that the cafe will give me patient priced meals since Ethan is in the NICU. Just so many unneccessary obstacles. And too many people that shrug their shoulders and say "that's hospital policy." instead of trying to HELP me. If Ethan was a regular patient on the PEDS floor, I would be able to stay with him in his room all day and all night and no one would be able to say anything different. And the PEDS floor rooms have couches for the parents. This is how frustrating things just become stupidity/laziness on the part of the hospital staff. Clearly none of them have had children that end up in the NICU. There's got to be something put into place for situations like this... All of the new moms with kids in the NICU are in the Ronald Mcdonald room right now socializing while the nursery is "closed" for report- and I feel like a leper because I'm not even allowed in there. I'm not even allowed to talk to the other moms. I have to sit out here,, by myself and wait until the NICU opens again. While these new moms are wheeled with their babies up to the post partum floor, or the laboring moms walk around with smiles on their faces (clearly the contractions haven't kicked in yet), waiting for their new babies to come.... and I can't be in the Ronald Mcdonald room because I might "infect" MRSA on the NICU moms (with no "active" infection- just a past history) but I can sit in the hallway and "possibly infect" new patients--- very frustrating.
Anyway, it's SO past time to go back and sit with Ethan again.... and I'm only able to hold him every other feeding, which is this one- 8:30pm. I leave you with a picture of the last "holding him" picture- the tube in his nose is the feeding tube.