let f be emotional stability. f '(t)=0.25
ok, So although my heat still feels like it's made of cesium(highly explosive metal) and I still can't decide what I feel about what and what has happened when and who means what or why I'm sad or happy when I think about what I think about, my net emotional stability is rising in proportion to my avarage mood (endophins released/Delta time) which is increasing in proportion to the time spent since my snow-globe of a life was pot in a paint mixing machine.
This basicaly means that although it's a hectic and confusing ride, I am starting to feel better end my mind is clear enough of emotion most of the time to look at things objectivly. Mabey I havn't lost anyone over this, mabey I've lost a lot, I guess that's up to everyone else.
On the up side I learned something it would ahve taken me probably the rest of my life to figure out about myself. It's a stageringly important revelation that is going to affect the way I persue relationships and has helped be define and understand the things that realy mean a lot to me. These things will be kept to myself for now, at least until I can realy be certain that the revelations aren't just the metal bi-product of having my heart blendered.
I guess I need to say some "thank you"s and some "I'm sorries"...and realy I owe both of the people involved a lot of each equaly. I learned a lot of things and fealt realy realy happy (for a time) and for that:thank you. Realy, Thank you. The cost of this understanding and knowledge and joy, was a lot of pain, and although if feels now like noone could have been hurt more than I have by all of this, I know it's not true. This situation casued an unfathomable amount of anguish to some people who are very special to me, and for that: I'm sorry.
I am full of regrets of little things, what I should have said, when, what I should have done, when. Who I should trust, who I should help and more importantly : Was there anything I could have done to eliminate the pain that was fealt? The most important thing is that I don't regret the thing that got this whole thing stated. Was it worth it? time will tell, was the knowledge and joy worth the angush for me and those I care about? time will tell. so for now, it seems all that's left for me is to sit here and let the clock count up until the pain is gone and the results are in. Thanks to those of you who stood by all of those involved during this, and for those who I may have lost, I will miss you.
Dagan, Version 4.6 (the .6 is the bit that's new).
This basicaly means that although it's a hectic and confusing ride, I am starting to feel better end my mind is clear enough of emotion most of the time to look at things objectivly. Mabey I havn't lost anyone over this, mabey I've lost a lot, I guess that's up to everyone else.
On the up side I learned something it would ahve taken me probably the rest of my life to figure out about myself. It's a stageringly important revelation that is going to affect the way I persue relationships and has helped be define and understand the things that realy mean a lot to me. These things will be kept to myself for now, at least until I can realy be certain that the revelations aren't just the metal bi-product of having my heart blendered.
I guess I need to say some "thank you"s and some "I'm sorries"...and realy I owe both of the people involved a lot of each equaly. I learned a lot of things and fealt realy realy happy (for a time) and for that:thank you. Realy, Thank you. The cost of this understanding and knowledge and joy, was a lot of pain, and although if feels now like noone could have been hurt more than I have by all of this, I know it's not true. This situation casued an unfathomable amount of anguish to some people who are very special to me, and for that: I'm sorry.
I am full of regrets of little things, what I should have said, when, what I should have done, when. Who I should trust, who I should help and more importantly : Was there anything I could have done to eliminate the pain that was fealt? The most important thing is that I don't regret the thing that got this whole thing stated. Was it worth it? time will tell, was the knowledge and joy worth the angush for me and those I care about? time will tell. so for now, it seems all that's left for me is to sit here and let the clock count up until the pain is gone and the results are in. Thanks to those of you who stood by all of those involved during this, and for those who I may have lost, I will miss you.
Dagan, Version 4.6 (the .6 is the bit that's new).