(no subject)
i know no one is listening. i guess that's what i want.
i feel so drown. I'm now working two jobs (kinda) and i plan to go to school full time in the fall. i have a home life that would dive the best shrinks running for their life. i've decided that i want to work on my personal issues by reading books and trying different things. i was diagnosed as border line personality disorder a long time ago and brushed it under the rug for years after leaving my therapy in maryland with jeff. being with sean and trying to move forward in my life have made the symptoms rear up in a nasty way. so after reading online about what could be done i decided on the books and self help because i can't afford insurance and therapy again. but then i have john and emily making waves and only caring about them selves. i've tried to be the ref and i've tried just picking up the slack and neither works for me. so today went rather badly and i decided that the best way to handle it was to put the two ends of the problem together and make them deal with each other. so i confronted john about not wanting to clean up after him and not wanting to have to pick up the slack for him and i made sure mom was near by. i found out that emily doesn't know how to argue civilly all she knows how to do is sling insults. i also found out that she thinks that she isn't doing any thing wrong that she is justified in her anger with my mother. emily is living in my parents house with a minimal amount of grace. my parents felt bad for her after her brother committed suicide and her family started to loose grip. i feel that this was a bad move. i think she should of had to deal with it. i think she is being allowed to live in denial. she believes that she should be allowed to do what she wants when she wants no matter who it disturbs. she has no concept of responsibility. she has no respect for authority. she claimed to have paid for johns school, when in fact her parents gave john the money that her grandfather had put aside for her dead brother to go to school. so really her brothers death pain for john to go to school. i feel that if you are going to spring into an argument that you should have some ground to stand on. honestly i feel that she is the problem. i honestly feel that if you can not respect the people who took you in out of the goodness of their hearts and you can not respect the rules laid down in the house where you are being allowed to live with out paying rent, if you are going to constantly complain about how you are being mistreated, well then you should just move back out. her response to this was that "we just won't talk to you any more" and that she hopes i have fun in my "loveless relationship". honestly i don't know what she was going for there. sean and i went through a ruff patch but we have been doing excellent.
so this is what i'm going to do. i say she has burned her bridge. i will do nothing to help her or my brother, i won't speak to them, excommunication of sorts. this has to do with alot more than just this one instance. it kills me to let go of my brother but this is what she wants, him all to her self.
i should be sleeping i have to work the gallery night tomorrow. oh that's my other job. working at a gallery. it's a volunteer position but it gets me some experience i need to get a real gallery than museum job that i really want. it hasn't been going all that well, i haven't been able to go out and work as much as i would like to because i had finals then work slammed me with more hours then sean needed me for stuff. hopefully it'll get better.
i feel so drown. I'm now working two jobs (kinda) and i plan to go to school full time in the fall. i have a home life that would dive the best shrinks running for their life. i've decided that i want to work on my personal issues by reading books and trying different things. i was diagnosed as border line personality disorder a long time ago and brushed it under the rug for years after leaving my therapy in maryland with jeff. being with sean and trying to move forward in my life have made the symptoms rear up in a nasty way. so after reading online about what could be done i decided on the books and self help because i can't afford insurance and therapy again. but then i have john and emily making waves and only caring about them selves. i've tried to be the ref and i've tried just picking up the slack and neither works for me. so today went rather badly and i decided that the best way to handle it was to put the two ends of the problem together and make them deal with each other. so i confronted john about not wanting to clean up after him and not wanting to have to pick up the slack for him and i made sure mom was near by. i found out that emily doesn't know how to argue civilly all she knows how to do is sling insults. i also found out that she thinks that she isn't doing any thing wrong that she is justified in her anger with my mother. emily is living in my parents house with a minimal amount of grace. my parents felt bad for her after her brother committed suicide and her family started to loose grip. i feel that this was a bad move. i think she should of had to deal with it. i think she is being allowed to live in denial. she believes that she should be allowed to do what she wants when she wants no matter who it disturbs. she has no concept of responsibility. she has no respect for authority. she claimed to have paid for johns school, when in fact her parents gave john the money that her grandfather had put aside for her dead brother to go to school. so really her brothers death pain for john to go to school. i feel that if you are going to spring into an argument that you should have some ground to stand on. honestly i feel that she is the problem. i honestly feel that if you can not respect the people who took you in out of the goodness of their hearts and you can not respect the rules laid down in the house where you are being allowed to live with out paying rent, if you are going to constantly complain about how you are being mistreated, well then you should just move back out. her response to this was that "we just won't talk to you any more" and that she hopes i have fun in my "loveless relationship". honestly i don't know what she was going for there. sean and i went through a ruff patch but we have been doing excellent.
so this is what i'm going to do. i say she has burned her bridge. i will do nothing to help her or my brother, i won't speak to them, excommunication of sorts. this has to do with alot more than just this one instance. it kills me to let go of my brother but this is what she wants, him all to her self.
i should be sleeping i have to work the gallery night tomorrow. oh that's my other job. working at a gallery. it's a volunteer position but it gets me some experience i need to get a real gallery than museum job that i really want. it hasn't been going all that well, i haven't been able to go out and work as much as i would like to because i had finals then work slammed me with more hours then sean needed me for stuff. hopefully it'll get better.