what happened to my life???
So I guess instead of thinking about this all night and losing sleep over it, i'll vent it out on lj: what the hell has happened to my fucking life...?!
senior year, yeah, i believe that is when i began to make "bad-life-choices"
...i mean, throughout the year i'm sure there were some, but mainly at the end, it all started with terence-and having sex with him everywhere all the time (well a few times at least). Then there were those other boys...oh yes, bad-decision-making choice #1, "let's have as much sex as possible, like a guy, right?" stupid jen #1. then freshman year of college sucked a whole lot because i had minimal fun with majorly sub-par friends, whom i stayed friends with stupid jen #2 and #3...and friends...last summer i STUPIDLY did not hang out with my best friends because i thought they were boring and as the last minute of the summer clock ticked away, expected them to make a huge deal out of my birthday, then i threw a tantrum and well, stupid "nifer" # 4,5,6 (one for each of my best friends)...so i guess maybe not dating kevin was a mistake, but those "physical challenges" this fall were probably at least another stupid jen # whatever...and so it's summer and i have NO friends, because i don't care about the boro pool drama, and really i've made soooo many stupid jen #s being drunk this year, i'd rather keep them at school(and kutztown) and not drag them home with me, so if you add all those stupid jen's up you get n1+n2...+nn= fat, friendless, boring, single, depressed jennifersnejniferjen.
I am not very happy with life right now, maybe it'll pass, but odds are things are just going to go doooooownhill from here.
life in washington sucks without a carina buffer...plus there are no boys to keep me occupied at the moment (friends or otherwise), so i either have to WAIT around for these cult-carr girls or um, sit home, alone, by myself doing NOTHING because i don't want to do something stupid, black out, or drive drunk...it's been a very busy, very lonely, very anti-climactic summer, and thankfully, it's almost over.
PLUS, i can't even be home for amanda's infamous birthday party this year since the only week to go down to myrtle beach is the 12-the 18th or whatever...BLOWS. life sucks right now, i'm pissed off at myself, and if i could re-do these past few years over again, i would...in a HEART BEAT.
oh yeah, and i all of a sudden get these rediculous anxiety/panic attacks that are so mild they seem more like i'm just making a huge deal out of nothing. what the fuck happend to the old nifer? i hate the school i'm at, i hate having no friends, i hate being lonely, and i hate this boring person i've fucking become. the end (for now).
senior year, yeah, i believe that is when i began to make "bad-life-choices"
...i mean, throughout the year i'm sure there were some, but mainly at the end, it all started with terence-and having sex with him everywhere all the time (well a few times at least). Then there were those other boys...oh yes, bad-decision-making choice #1, "let's have as much sex as possible, like a guy, right?" stupid jen #1. then freshman year of college sucked a whole lot because i had minimal fun with majorly sub-par friends, whom i stayed friends with stupid jen #2 and #3...and friends...last summer i STUPIDLY did not hang out with my best friends because i thought they were boring and as the last minute of the summer clock ticked away, expected them to make a huge deal out of my birthday, then i threw a tantrum and well, stupid "nifer" # 4,5,6 (one for each of my best friends)...so i guess maybe not dating kevin was a mistake, but those "physical challenges" this fall were probably at least another stupid jen # whatever...and so it's summer and i have NO friends, because i don't care about the boro pool drama, and really i've made soooo many stupid jen #s being drunk this year, i'd rather keep them at school(and kutztown) and not drag them home with me, so if you add all those stupid jen's up you get n1+n2...+nn= fat, friendless, boring, single, depressed jennifersnejniferjen.
I am not very happy with life right now, maybe it'll pass, but odds are things are just going to go doooooownhill from here.
life in washington sucks without a carina buffer...plus there are no boys to keep me occupied at the moment (friends or otherwise), so i either have to WAIT around for these cult-carr girls or um, sit home, alone, by myself doing NOTHING because i don't want to do something stupid, black out, or drive drunk...it's been a very busy, very lonely, very anti-climactic summer, and thankfully, it's almost over.
PLUS, i can't even be home for amanda's infamous birthday party this year since the only week to go down to myrtle beach is the 12-the 18th or whatever...BLOWS. life sucks right now, i'm pissed off at myself, and if i could re-do these past few years over again, i would...in a HEART BEAT.
oh yeah, and i all of a sudden get these rediculous anxiety/panic attacks that are so mild they seem more like i'm just making a huge deal out of nothing. what the fuck happend to the old nifer? i hate the school i'm at, i hate having no friends, i hate being lonely, and i hate this boring person i've fucking become. the end (for now).