Miss Communication
Misinterpretation and miscommunication. They seem to be going around. My life is completely riddled with them.
Teh examples. Let me show you them.
Example #1
A former significant other and friend (herein referred to as "A") has suddenly reappeared in my life after months of being MIA. We had a rocky past; I mean, our relationship didn't exactly begin under the best of circumstances. In fact, you might say they were circumstances that SHOULD have served as (what's the word?) foreshadowing of things to come ... or rather, how it would end. After a long (in comparison for me) and rocky relationship, it ended almost exactly how it began. I should have seen it coming. I think somewhere down the line I did; I just didn't want to admit it to myself.
But that's not the point. The point is, A had a lot of problems; A had them while we were still in the "friends" stage and A had them long before meeting me. At first it was okay; A would tell me what was wrong and we would talk things through. After a while, however, it was the same stuff over and over and A would never follow my advice.
And it was GOOD advice.
It was almost as if A preferred being the submissive victim of A's own psychological trap---at least, after several months of the same problems reoccurring, that was what I started to think. Of course, silly me also thought that it was a two-way relationship. I was the boyfriend, I mean, I had a say, too, right? If A was hurting, then I was hurting, too.
After several months, it seemed that something was always wrong with A.
Always.
A would describe A's day, and almost as an afterthought, A would add something serious that happened and then move on with the rest of the day's description---as if I was to ask for an elaboration on the bad, serious thing and we were to talk it over ... but A "never wanted to talk about it," when actually A did want to talk about it, apparently. After a couple months of A's tactic, I just stopped asking about it and let it be, you know, since I had to practically fight A to talk about something A wanted to talk about anyway. After a few weeks of that, A blamed me for "not caring anymore." Oh, sorry, my bad. You said you didn't want to talk about it.
Also, after a few months in this relationship, I noticed a disturbing trend of anytime I wanted to talk about me, about something seriously bad that happened in my day or week, A would change the subject to whatever was bothering A. Or, suddenly, out of the blue, someone who was (or would) cause A trouble would unexpectedly call or show up.
To be honest, it started to seem to coincidental and suspicious to me after a while.
So, being a firm believer that good communication is the key to a good relationship, I finally decided to talk to A about the behavior ... and A became all defensive. Before I knew it, nearly everyone in that circle of friends hated me ... but not for what I'd said to A, but for A's misinterpretation of our conversation. Plus, all they had was A's side of the story and hadn't been a part of our relationship, so they didn't know the circumstances.
So we had our first big fight, and I became busy and not as available as before due to school and work, and suddenly A had a new boyfriend ... without letting me know we were officially over.
... and Jay wondered why I was hesitant to enter into a new relationship with him. Oh hey, yeah, that brings us to ...
Example #2
Jay.
Technically, Jay and I are "back together" ... but, also technically, we're "just friends."
... it's complicated, apparently.
On my end, we're not together. On his end, we are. Can we still be a couple and not have sex? Sure. But ... we're not a couple. ::blink blink:: See, Jay thinks that since he was the one who broke us up, then if he says that we're back together ... then we are.
Uhh ... I'm confused. Don't I have to consent to being in a relationship before I can, you know, actually BE in a relationship?
I've told him MANY times that this is not the case, that we are ONLY friends ... but no dice. I've never had a relationship with someone so fucking stubborn and addicted to me. The only way I know to get through to him is to cut him off completely from my life ...
But, unfortunately for that, I still care about him and like him as a friend. So I'm in a bind.
Example #3
I am a friendly person most of the time. Don't let the blogs fool you, because in person, I'm actually painfully shy, quiet and nice. I'm the kid in English class who only spoke when called on, hated doing presentations, and wanted NOTHING to do with group activities---but totally shocked the shit out of your ass when I wrote, and won dozens of awards and recognition.
Now, that being said ...
Just because I am friendly and nice to you, and seem to genuinely care about you and, yes, even talk to you and give you the time of day---does NOT mean that I want to be your best friend, much less your BOYFRIEND. Please understand that I'm not in the market for a new significant other or another best friend. I have all the friends I need and I certainly don't need a lover in my life.
I know I'm awesome and I can understand people looking up to me, wanting to get to know me better, and/or be closer to me ... but I don't want that. I expect nothing more from the people I meet to be a friendly aquaintance, and they should expect nothing more from me.
As I have told many people many times before, I don't think I'm "too cool" for anyone, nor do I think I'm better than or superior than anyone in anyway---it's just that I don't want or need anyone else in my life that fits more than that simple description of, yes, "friendly aquaintance." Unfortunately, there ARE people out there that just CANNOT seem to grasp that concept and, yes, misinterpret those exact words into thinking that I hate them or think that I'm too good for them.
Example #3: Part 2
I have several people who look up to me (which I find slightly amusing considering I'm quite a bit shorter than a majority of adults I know) as a mentor or role model---and what they can't seem to grasp is that I'M OKAY WITH THAT. I don't mind. Really. I don't.
But these people shouldn't expect me to suddenly embrace them and accept them into my life as though they're my best friend and include them in EVERYTHING my friends and I do.
I do have a private life and I'd like to keep it that way, thank you.
Example #4
Livvy and I are NOT in a relationship with each other. She's my roommate and friend. Stop accusing us of shit you know NOTHING about.
No, she does not have a MySpace account---obviously, she is not on my friend's list. Jay ALSO does not have an account. Get over it. Stop trying to intrude on our lives; we don't appreciate it. It makes us hate you.
Example #5
"No" means "NO." It does not mean "maybe." It does not mean "his lips said no, but his eyes said yes."
No is no is no is NO!
It's one of the first words you learned and UNDERSTOOD as a child. When you were two years old, you said it all the time. When you were a teenager, it was a vital word in your vocabulary. You know what "no" means, so fucking ACCEPT IT as my answer.
Finally, Example #6
I am a BOY. Not a girl. I am a BOY. I have always been a boy. I was BORN a boy. I have very feminine features. I was raised as a GIRL for nearly 12 years.
If you are confused as to why, kindly direct yourself to some of my oldest blogs entitled The Ballad of Seth Glover. They will explain so much to you.
Thank you for your time and goodnight.
Teh examples. Let me show you them.
Example #1
A former significant other and friend (herein referred to as "A") has suddenly reappeared in my life after months of being MIA. We had a rocky past; I mean, our relationship didn't exactly begin under the best of circumstances. In fact, you might say they were circumstances that SHOULD have served as (what's the word?) foreshadowing of things to come ... or rather, how it would end. After a long (in comparison for me) and rocky relationship, it ended almost exactly how it began. I should have seen it coming. I think somewhere down the line I did; I just didn't want to admit it to myself.
But that's not the point. The point is, A had a lot of problems; A had them while we were still in the "friends" stage and A had them long before meeting me. At first it was okay; A would tell me what was wrong and we would talk things through. After a while, however, it was the same stuff over and over and A would never follow my advice.
And it was GOOD advice.
It was almost as if A preferred being the submissive victim of A's own psychological trap---at least, after several months of the same problems reoccurring, that was what I started to think. Of course, silly me also thought that it was a two-way relationship. I was the boyfriend, I mean, I had a say, too, right? If A was hurting, then I was hurting, too.
After several months, it seemed that something was always wrong with A.
Always.
A would describe A's day, and almost as an afterthought, A would add something serious that happened and then move on with the rest of the day's description---as if I was to ask for an elaboration on the bad, serious thing and we were to talk it over ... but A "never wanted to talk about it," when actually A did want to talk about it, apparently. After a couple months of A's tactic, I just stopped asking about it and let it be, you know, since I had to practically fight A to talk about something A wanted to talk about anyway. After a few weeks of that, A blamed me for "not caring anymore." Oh, sorry, my bad. You said you didn't want to talk about it.
Also, after a few months in this relationship, I noticed a disturbing trend of anytime I wanted to talk about me, about something seriously bad that happened in my day or week, A would change the subject to whatever was bothering A. Or, suddenly, out of the blue, someone who was (or would) cause A trouble would unexpectedly call or show up.
To be honest, it started to seem to coincidental and suspicious to me after a while.
So, being a firm believer that good communication is the key to a good relationship, I finally decided to talk to A about the behavior ... and A became all defensive. Before I knew it, nearly everyone in that circle of friends hated me ... but not for what I'd said to A, but for A's misinterpretation of our conversation. Plus, all they had was A's side of the story and hadn't been a part of our relationship, so they didn't know the circumstances.
So we had our first big fight, and I became busy and not as available as before due to school and work, and suddenly A had a new boyfriend ... without letting me know we were officially over.
... and Jay wondered why I was hesitant to enter into a new relationship with him. Oh hey, yeah, that brings us to ...
Example #2
Jay.
Technically, Jay and I are "back together" ... but, also technically, we're "just friends."
... it's complicated, apparently.
On my end, we're not together. On his end, we are. Can we still be a couple and not have sex? Sure. But ... we're not a couple. ::blink blink:: See, Jay thinks that since he was the one who broke us up, then if he says that we're back together ... then we are.
Uhh ... I'm confused. Don't I have to consent to being in a relationship before I can, you know, actually BE in a relationship?
I've told him MANY times that this is not the case, that we are ONLY friends ... but no dice. I've never had a relationship with someone so fucking stubborn and addicted to me. The only way I know to get through to him is to cut him off completely from my life ...
But, unfortunately for that, I still care about him and like him as a friend. So I'm in a bind.
Example #3
I am a friendly person most of the time. Don't let the blogs fool you, because in person, I'm actually painfully shy, quiet and nice. I'm the kid in English class who only spoke when called on, hated doing presentations, and wanted NOTHING to do with group activities---but totally shocked the shit out of your ass when I wrote, and won dozens of awards and recognition.
Now, that being said ...
Just because I am friendly and nice to you, and seem to genuinely care about you and, yes, even talk to you and give you the time of day---does NOT mean that I want to be your best friend, much less your BOYFRIEND. Please understand that I'm not in the market for a new significant other or another best friend. I have all the friends I need and I certainly don't need a lover in my life.
I know I'm awesome and I can understand people looking up to me, wanting to get to know me better, and/or be closer to me ... but I don't want that. I expect nothing more from the people I meet to be a friendly aquaintance, and they should expect nothing more from me.
As I have told many people many times before, I don't think I'm "too cool" for anyone, nor do I think I'm better than or superior than anyone in anyway---it's just that I don't want or need anyone else in my life that fits more than that simple description of, yes, "friendly aquaintance." Unfortunately, there ARE people out there that just CANNOT seem to grasp that concept and, yes, misinterpret those exact words into thinking that I hate them or think that I'm too good for them.
Example #3: Part 2
I have several people who look up to me (which I find slightly amusing considering I'm quite a bit shorter than a majority of adults I know) as a mentor or role model---and what they can't seem to grasp is that I'M OKAY WITH THAT. I don't mind. Really. I don't.
But these people shouldn't expect me to suddenly embrace them and accept them into my life as though they're my best friend and include them in EVERYTHING my friends and I do.
I do have a private life and I'd like to keep it that way, thank you.
Example #4
Livvy and I are NOT in a relationship with each other. She's my roommate and friend. Stop accusing us of shit you know NOTHING about.
No, she does not have a MySpace account---obviously, she is not on my friend's list. Jay ALSO does not have an account. Get over it. Stop trying to intrude on our lives; we don't appreciate it. It makes us hate you.
Example #5
"No" means "NO." It does not mean "maybe." It does not mean "his lips said no, but his eyes said yes."
No is no is no is NO!
It's one of the first words you learned and UNDERSTOOD as a child. When you were two years old, you said it all the time. When you were a teenager, it was a vital word in your vocabulary. You know what "no" means, so fucking ACCEPT IT as my answer.
Finally, Example #6
I am a BOY. Not a girl. I am a BOY. I have always been a boy. I was BORN a boy. I have very feminine features. I was raised as a GIRL for nearly 12 years.
If you are confused as to why, kindly direct yourself to some of my oldest blogs entitled The Ballad of Seth Glover. They will explain so much to you.
Thank you for your time and goodnight.