Phase One Complete
The first leg of my parent visiting has gone better than I expected. I got to see Dad's apartment, spend two days talking with him and my uncle, John. We had some lovely enjoyable discussions, and it was very relaxed and enjoyable. I even got to be a hero by finding some files on a computer that Dad thought had been lost to a virus. The computer people he spoke with were just ignorant of any model made before 1990. I'm amazed that I remembered how to call up the file directory from the C: drive and tell it how to copy files. It was almost more like my body remembered how to do it.
I also learned some things about myself, which is always a goal, given my constant striving for self-inderstanding and improvement. For example, it occurred to me that my instinct to assign blame is based on my belief that people should change situations which are wrong or injust. But I'm also assuming that those people are capable of intervening, which may not always be the case. Even if they're capable existentially, they may not be psychologically, emotionally or socially empowered to do so. It also reflects my own desire to constantly intervene in an attempt to assert control over my life and prove that things can and ought to be controlled. I also need to realize that my assigning of blame for incidents in the past doesn't change the facts of the situations that occurred. My deciding that someone was at fault doesn't save anyone. Nothing is really achieved, aside from reinforcing my punitive tendencies. And I don't think that's something I want to cultivate. Some facts, however horrible, must just be acknowledged, and can only poroduce value by affecting our future actions. Oddly enough, I also had a moment where I realized the ultimate futility of vengeance, which of me (a very punitive person, as I said) is interesting.
I'm now embarking on my trip to visit mom, and hoping to squeeze in a side visit with cousins beforehand. I'm certainly getting a good workout walking about the city. I just wish this sore throat would go away. I don't know if it's all the exposure to cigarette smoke, whether I'm still sick, or a combination of the two.
I also learned some things about myself, which is always a goal, given my constant striving for self-inderstanding and improvement. For example, it occurred to me that my instinct to assign blame is based on my belief that people should change situations which are wrong or injust. But I'm also assuming that those people are capable of intervening, which may not always be the case. Even if they're capable existentially, they may not be psychologically, emotionally or socially empowered to do so. It also reflects my own desire to constantly intervene in an attempt to assert control over my life and prove that things can and ought to be controlled. I also need to realize that my assigning of blame for incidents in the past doesn't change the facts of the situations that occurred. My deciding that someone was at fault doesn't save anyone. Nothing is really achieved, aside from reinforcing my punitive tendencies. And I don't think that's something I want to cultivate. Some facts, however horrible, must just be acknowledged, and can only poroduce value by affecting our future actions. Oddly enough, I also had a moment where I realized the ultimate futility of vengeance, which of me (a very punitive person, as I said) is interesting.
I'm now embarking on my trip to visit mom, and hoping to squeeze in a side visit with cousins beforehand. I'm certainly getting a good workout walking about the city. I just wish this sore throat would go away. I don't know if it's all the exposure to cigarette smoke, whether I'm still sick, or a combination of the two.