RP: Too many thoughts.
The week had truly sucked. It was only Wednesday, but Dylan didn’t think there was a snowball’s chance in hell that things were going to improve.
His disastrous time at the Hawthorne on Sunday was almost forgotten, though Dylan wasn’t naive enough to think his own general confusion and malaise about life had nothing to do with finding out two of his best friends had been sleeping together during college. It wasn’t his business, and really, he didn’t care one way or the other. But there was something about it that…just wasn’t sitting right.
Since his aborted conversation with Josh about personal…habits…Dylan found there was room for little else in his mind. What did he like sexually? What did he think about while…well. It made him blush to even fucking think about it, which was ridiculous considering he was almost 30 years old and swore like a sailor. A sailor filled with Christian guilt, apparently.
It wasn’t like he never did that stuff. His routine was similar to any single man’s. At least, he thought it was similar. He had no reason to believe there was anything physically wrong with him, so he couldn’t blame his general lack of interest in sex on that.
He’d examined what he thought about, what he watched and looked at, and had come up with a few conclusions. He was rarely interested in the super hardcore stuff. ( With the slapping and moaning and fluids.) Whenever he watched porn, it was always between a man and a woman. Not two women, not three, and never a group. When he…you know…he never thought about much specific. Just things being done to him, how it would feel.
The two girls he’d had sex with had been sweet, fun, and cute. The type of girl he always figured he would marry.
Except. He didn’t. And really didn’t want to.
Dylan always thought he’d be married by 30 with a kid or two. It wasn’t like he was a fucking shut in or something; he met plenty of women. His free time was usually spent with Josh, sure, but that wasn’t all his time.
Okay, so it was a lot of his time.
Helping Josh.
Hanging out with Josh.
He and Josh sometimes went out, but not that often. He never picked up girls when he was with Josh (not that he ever picked up girls in general) because, well. What fun was being with your best friend if you had other things on your mind?
In college, Josh had his fair share of fun with different people. Dylan thought that was totally fine; he never really cared. But once Josh stopped seeking a relationship, or whatever was going on with him, Dylan just sort of…forgot about it.
It was almost like…he was dating Josh.
Which he wasn’t.
Because Dylan liked girls.
And their parts.
He didn’t like guys. That was…weird. Too weird to think about. Right? Even if he maybe did like guys in some hidden part of his brain, he wouldn’t test his theory with Josh. Or anyone that he knew. Right? He’d never had a problem with homosexuality. That was one of his issues with organized religion. But that didn’t mean he was one. No, that wasn’t possible.
Was he spending too much time with Josh? Dylan hadn’t seen him since the Super bowl on Sunday- he’d put in long hours the last few days thanks to some substantial injuries that happened during the ice storm. Normally, he had time in his days between appointments to get caught up on paperwork, but this week his appointments and consultations had been back to back to back. He’d been staying late at the office to catch up, and hadn’t gotten home until 8:30 the last two nights. That meant there was no time to go help Josh with Serenity.
Dylan decided not to worry about the happy coincidence of having more work and his…oddness…around Josh for the moment. Maybe he just needed some space? Maybe he needed to spend more time with more people?
Or maybe, he needed to pick up his penis, which had apparently left the building, and get over this. Whatever it was.
Maybe it was time to start searching. Find the perfect girl and settle down.
Maybe.