RP: Revenge of the Sandman

[isaacgreenberg]

Date: March 28
Characters: Isaac Greenberg and Luke Rafferty
Location: Their Condo
Status: Private
Summary: A nightmare gives Isaac a craving for a snuggle.
Completion: incomplete

Comments

[luke_riffraff]

Isaac hadn't been as stealthy as he'd thought, but to be fair it was hard not to wake Luke up. He was a light sleeper, always had been. Strangers had kind of been in and out of the house all hours of the night when he'd been a kid, with all sorts of noises going along with it, and most of the time it wasn't the sort of noise you could just ignore on your way back to sleep. He'd not been as comfortable with strange men in the house as his mother had been, and his child-self had felt a need to look out for her as well as himself, especially when he was the only sober one around. He'd often just get up, slip into the kitchen if it was empty and read, or see if there was some food in the cupboards that he could take back to his room. Sometimes he still felt the urge to go into the kitchen in the middle of the night and make a peanut butter sandwich.

He felt the bed shift immediately and opened his eyes, letting them adjust to the dim light. "Iz?" he mumbled, blinking owlishly at the form lying on top of the covers. Isaac couldn't have fallen asleep already, and might not fall asleep at all, if he was in here for the same reason he usually was. Luke bellied closer, nudging against Isaac's shoulder with his own. "'s going on?"

[isaacgreenberg]

Isaac winced in a combination of guilt and relief. With Luke awake there wasn't a reason not to worm under the covers and bury himself in the heat of his body, nose at his neck and legs twined up messily together.

"Nightmare." He said quietly. "Sorry to wake you up. Just didn't want to be alone."

[luke_riffraff]

Luke frowned in confusion when Isaac apologized for waking him--he never did that, not that he needed to, which meant whatever it had been must've been really bad. He brought a hand up to Isaac's shoulder and squeezed it awkwardly--not because this felt awkward, but because Luke was always kind of awkward when it came to doing comforting things. He always wondered how he could be enough for Isaac when it came to that. "Don't worry about it," he said sincerely, "you want to talk about it?"

[isaacgreenberg]

He huffed a sigh, feeling his spine unwind somehow as it always did when he could just get close to someone he cared about...though that list was fairly short these days. What he could never explain to Luke was that he didn't have to do anything at all really, just the closeness mattered.

"Don't remember much. I was a kid. I'd been bad, I dunno. Bullshit stuff you dream about. Carnivorous ants. Just made me feel like crap, yanno?" He reached out to throw an arm over Luke's side, fingers seeking bare skin to worry over. "Abandonment issues, yadda yadda, what else is new."

[luke_riffraff]

"Yeah." Luke nodded drowsily and wished he could think of something to say. He'd done a fair bit of reading, about dreams. He didn't sleep deeply enough to dream that much himself, but sometimes he did, and mostly he wanted to help Isaac. But there were some things books couldn't equip you for. He felt spikes of Isaac's hair tickle his chin as he listened.

"Well," he said quietly, "at least you know it wasn't real," he said. "Although. I guess the abandonment issues are. But you're safe. I hope you know."

[isaacgreenberg]

"Yeah, yeah, I know." He stroked a thumb over Luke's exposed forearm, the skin underneath pale and smooth. "I'm such an infant, I know. Sorry. Trying to give you some privacy since we moved out here and everything, but some nights being alone is too much. Like the walls are closing in and I can't breath."

It was easier to say these things in the dark, not looking at Luke's face, only hearing his breathing and the thrum of pulse in his neck.

[luke_riffraff]

"It's okay," Luke said uselessly. "I'd rather you have to come in here some nights if it helps, than see you..." he trailed off, not wanting to say 'break down again'. He didn't want to think about those times, much less talk about them, and he'd do whatever it took to avoid them. Not that it was really in his power to avoid it.

[isaacgreenberg]

Isaac heard the rest of the unsaid sentence and nodded slightly. He knew this was preferable, but even this was...ridiculous. He was ridiculous.

"Why do you put up with this?" He asked, still half drowsy and drunk on the swing from terror to comfort. "Why me? You could do so much better for yourself than this."

[luke_riffraff]

"Hm?" Luke frowned as he mulled over the question. It seemed simple to him, though, probably the simplest thing about his life. Isaac was all he had in the world. "I dunno. You're my best friend. You're here for me, I'm here for you."

[isaacgreenberg]

"Of course, I am." He was. Always, no matter what, but still. Was it that simple? Was anything? Fuck. Maybe he should have gotten stoned. "I just think it's a shit deal for you sometimes. I mean, it's easy to be there for you. You like never ask for anything, really and making you laugh pretty much just makes me happy which makes it selfish in a way, I think. You've got to spend every day hoping not to find me a mess on the floor. Doesn't seem fair or equal really."

[luke_riffraff]

Luke shifted uncomfortably. "Don't be stupid," he mumbled, and tucked his chin down. "It's not a deal, Iz, it's a friendship." He paused, trying to figure out how to phrase it. "You're more than just ... that, you know. Your illness I mean, that's not who you are to me. Or anyone. You shouldn't talk like you're some burden." He winced and frowned and felt a bit adrift, talking about this stuff.

[isaacgreenberg]

"You realize you're pretty much the only person in the world that thinks that, right?" He swallowed. "Even my sister thinks I'm a burden a lot of the time. I don't blame her or anything, the shit she's had to put up with, but damn... you know Mom and Dad haven't even called since I moved down here."

He knew this was all...too much, but that was who he was. Too much, too intense and Luke just...took it. Accepted it. Made it ok.

[luke_riffraff]

"Rivkah doesn't think that," Luke told him, "and she'd never turn you away. And your mom and dad've never been there for either of you, not in any way that counts. But you don't need them, Iz." Luke didn't need his parents either, because even if he did they hadn't been worth much to him anyway. "You don't."

[isaacgreenberg]

"Right." He took a long breath and let it out in a shuddering laugh. "You're right, I know that. Guess that nightmare fucked me up a little more than I thought."

He rolled a little away, so he could look into Luke's eyes.

"I'm lucky to have you. I know that. Just..you should know that I know that."

[luke_riffraff]

"Of course I know that." Luke reached out and rubbed briskly up and down Isaac's arm, trying not to show how scared this all was making him, because he couldn't really figure out why he should be scared, or any more scared than usual. It wasn't that Isaac never had nightmares or something, but still. Something was making Luke feel anxious.

[isaacgreenberg]

"Rivkah says I shouldn't tell you." He said quietly. "Or be less intense about it or whatever. That I'm going to take away your choices of meeting some perfect girl and have an amazing family."