Rant
I was never lonely in the ultimate sense of the word. So why so clingy and possessive now? I've become "that guy". Mind games, passive aggressiveness, fractured and negating logic. I think she's amazing and I haven't even found the words to tell her yet. She knows me now: my inexperience, immaturity, unreasonableness. She's willing to accept it without that inward fight. I was the one who had doubts, not her. How the fuck did that happen? Who am I to be on that end of the spectrum of emotions?
It's haunting, the silence I feel at night in a city so cloudy with energy, unnerving and agitating. How easily I go to sleep here, down the street from a drive-by. From a girl getting raped and murdered. From people starving out loud in the alleys, begging me for change everyday, laying under cars for warmth. I would give myself to the cause, but I just don't care anymore. My efforts were always half hearted and futile. And the thought of work and expensive bicycles and sex with strangers is my pillow. Drinking to forget why I came here in the first place is my blanket, soft and warm.
Things come in the mail, few things go out. Yesterday, the coupons for Smith's came in. Tomorrow, out go my hopes and dreams. There for everyone, enfuckingjoy.
It's haunting, the silence I feel at night in a city so cloudy with energy, unnerving and agitating. How easily I go to sleep here, down the street from a drive-by. From a girl getting raped and murdered. From people starving out loud in the alleys, begging me for change everyday, laying under cars for warmth. I would give myself to the cause, but I just don't care anymore. My efforts were always half hearted and futile. And the thought of work and expensive bicycles and sex with strangers is my pillow. Drinking to forget why I came here in the first place is my blanket, soft and warm.
Things come in the mail, few things go out. Yesterday, the coupons for Smith's came in. Tomorrow, out go my hopes and dreams. There for everyone, enfuckingjoy.