Saturday Morning, Room 407
Saturday morning was usually a good, happy morning. Saturday morning was usually an even better morning if Jude was waking up like he did this Saturday morning. In the cocoon formed by his Totally Manly in Rugged Yet Comfortable Sort of Way duvet, Jude was curled around Rikku, one arm around her waist and her head pillowed on the other. One of his legs had crept over hers in the night, as if he could protect her from the world with all his lanky thinness.
Rikku wriggled a little, opening her eyes, and then shut them again. She was snuggled with Jude but there was a creeping dread in the pit of her stomach and something really horrible she didn't want to remember. So no waking up yet. Her eyes felt itchy, and that made her remember crying, and remembering was bad. So she wriggled closer to Jude, pressing her face against his chest, and tried to pretend whatever it was had just been a bad dream. It wasn't working.
Jude's arm tightened around her and he mumbled something sleepily soothing, nuzzling into her hair before dozing again. If his sleeping-face was less mellow than usual, there was a very good reason for it.
Jude was here, and it was morning and he was being soothing and wonderful and everything was okay and everyone was okay so nothing was wrong. Whatever was wrong could be fixed, later, and she should close her eyes and go back to sleep because she was in Fandom and she was loved and everything was going to be all right and Hamlet was dead.
Her eyes flew open as she bolted awake. Coffee shop. Wandering the streets. Crying and Jude and ... no. That was crazy. Some weird nightmare she'd had because he hadn't called her and it was Friday and not Saturday and that hadn't happened.
Rikku whimpered a little and closed her eyes and tried like hell to believe that.
Jude jolted awake a little when she did, Jude-senses tingling that something was wrong. She whimpered and he curled even tighter around her, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "'Sokay, I'm here," he mumbled, his hand rubbing over her back.
Rikku shook her head. "Didn't happen. Right? I'm ... having nightmares. Yeah? And you're ..."
She looked up at him hopefully, wide eyes already tearing up.
Jude looked down at her and aww, geez, she was crying and crying was totally not fair. He wriggled a bit down to rest his forehead against hers, kissing the tip of her nose. "I'm here for you, bra."
"It's .... it's not ..." Rikku closed her eyes and shuddered, making a little hiccupy sound. "It did happen, didn't it?"
Jude's heart was starting to crumble under the strain here. "It happened," he told her softly.
Rikku nodded quickly, and then her face crumpled. After a few seconds she nodded again and swallowed and her expression was back to a wistful sort of blank. "I ... okay. I need to ..." She cleared her throat and started to sit up. "There are ... th-things to ..."
Jude pounced, forcing her back to the bed. "No."
Rikku slumped back against him, boneless, and shook for a few seconds. Then she sniffled and pulled herself together again. "J-Jude, I ... please. I n-need to ..."
Jude cut her off with a swift kiss. "What do you need?" he asked quietly, knowing exactly what she was doing and not going to let her get away with it.
Rikku closed her eyes, trying to think. "I h-have to ... tell people. Call. F-find out if they ... need anything. I need to ..." She sniffled again, and then shook her head. "I should've done this yesterday, I'm so ..."
Jude brushed his fingers through her hair, keeping her fixed in place. "You're gonna take care of everyone else?"
"All I did yesterday was cry and it didn't do anything and ... I-I'm okay, I need to, you know ..." She sighed and closed her eyes, nestling in.
With a small sigh Jude wrapped his arms around her again and settled in. He was going to mellow at her until she gave in. He could do it, too.
Rikku wriggled closer. "I'm ... I'm okay. I c-can't believe ... I called you like that."
Jude chuckled softly. "'Sokay. I'm glad you did."
Rikku took a deep breath. "I'm okay. I can ... I can do this, yeah? I should know how by now."
Jude frowned a little bit, but rubbed her back supportively and didn't say anything.
Rikku was quiet for a long moment. "Why didn't I go with him?"
"I needed you here." Hey, if she was blaming him then at least she wasn't blaming herself.
She shook her head quickly. "He said no and I let him and ... if I had dug my heels in, then ... w-what if ... Jude, what if he'd ..."
Her voice cracked on that and she threw her arms around his neck.
"Shh," Jude murmured immediately, enfolding her in a tight hug, curling around her again. "Shh, bra, no what-ifs here . . ."
Rikku pressed her face into his chest and let out a sob. "I c-could have ... he ..." She clenched her hands, struggling for control, and then gave up and began crying in earnest.
"I know," Jude said softly, closing his eyes against tears of his own as he held her close, wishing he knew what to do.
"He was stupid," she snapped, wiping at her eyes. "He was all 'ohhhh my dad says I have to do it myself' and why does that matter he's crazy and your uncle's killing people and why why why ..." Her voice wavered again and dammit she was so sick of crying and yet she couldn't stop.
What was Jude supposed to do except hold her? Hold her and rub her back and be glad she was crying and not just putting on that blank face that he hated.
Finally, finally, she stopped crying and got herself under control again. She sniffled and was still shaking a little, though. Oh, wow, crying all over his chest. Good job.
"Jude?" she said, in a barely audible voice. "I'm s-sorry."
Jude pressed a kiss to the crown of her head, and then one to the curve of her ear for good measure. "F'r what?" he asked quietly.
"I'm ... crying all over you and ..." Rikku wiped her nose on the back of her arm, because her pajama top didn't have sleeves. "... And I called all stupid and lost and I keep going off to save the world and I suck at it and this is my fault and now I'm just sitting here and being upset like that's gonna help and I'm s-s-sorry."
"Function number twelve of boyfriends is as giant tissues," he informed her seriously. "Number seven is rescuing lost girlfriends." He kissed her forehead. "It isn't your fault. You are awesome at saving the world."
"I'm not," she said softly. "I almost died a lot, and ... Yunie saved the world. I just went along and stole things. I'm not a real Guardian."
"What are you talkin' about?" Jude scoffed gently, ducking his head to get into her line of vision. "You brought Tidus back. You saved Valentine-dude's place."
Rikku shook her head quickly. "T-Tidus ... that w-was Isabel, and Dawn, and Door. And V-Valentine's world ... it ... it's stuck and we can't go back, and he's not here, and ... and I don't know what that means. I ... I t-tried to teach Hamlet to spar, and ..." She winced, hearing his name out loud again.
"Oh." Jude hadn't known about Valentine. "Nah, bra, Tidus was all you." He held her tight. "This isn't your fault."
Rikku swallowed, hard. "I feel so ... like I should just ... it's not fair. It's not right and it's ... why does it feel like it's my fault if it's not, and why can't ... why couldn't ..." She was shaking again, and she squeezed in tight.
Jude was right there to soothe her shakes, trying to find the right words to say and knowing that whatever came out wasn't going to work.
Rikku shook her head quickly. "I c-can't ... what if here is g-gonna be just like home, again. What if ..."
"No," Jude said quickly, stroking her hair. "No what-ifs. It's not going to be like that."
"I don't want to look at my friends and wonder who's next," she said softly.
Jude frowned and kissed her forehead. "No one, bra. No one's next. I promise."
Rikku pulled her arms in to hug herself, curling inward. "It's always someone. Y-you get used to it. I just ... thought I wouldn't have to any more."
Jude weaseled his way into her arms, forcing her to uncurl and hug him instead.
She resisted for a few seconds before wriggling back against him. "I can't do this. If here's gonna be just like there. I can't."
"Then we'll go away," he promised. "The two of us. We'll find somewhere where this stuff never happens."
She pressed her face against his chest, her voice barely audible. "Maybe it's me. I brought it with me. Maybe nowhere's safe and ... and I should just accept it and stop laying around crying. I just ..."
"Shhh." Jude kissed the top of her head, wishing he could do more than say the stupid wrong things and hold her. He'd promise to follow her to the ends of the earth and he'd do it, too.
This time she leaned up a little to give him a very light kiss. "I'm sorry," she said. "I'm such a wreck and I'm not being fair to you at all and ..." She snuggled back into his chest. "I know it's selfish but ... I just kinda wanna stay right here for a while, you know?"
"You can stay here as long as you need, bra," he assured her, running his hand through her hair again as he wrapped himself around her. "That's what I'm here for."
Rikku wriggled closer with a deep sigh. "You're really good at this, you know that?"
Jude chuckled but didn't reply. He didn't think he was doing too good, but as long as she was wriggling he wasn't complaining.
"You don't mind, me staying and all?" She looked up at him hopefully. "Can I, uh, crash here while you're at work? If I go back to my room I'm gonna have to tell Hermione what's going on and I ... I mean, not like that, Hermione rocks. I just ... don't wanna have to tell anybody yet." She shivered.
Keeping one arm firmly around her, Jude reached for his desk and rummaged around for his cellphone, quickly dialing. "Hey, sir? Yeah, I can't come in today. Some kind of, uh, throat thing. Don't want to get anyone sick. I'll totally make up the hours. Okay, bye." Click and the cellphone was being tossed back onto his desk.
Rikku gaped for a minute, and then flailed. As best she could when snuggled in that much, anyway. "You can't ... they'll ... Jude! You're gonna ... I didn't mean ... don't do that!"
"Already did it," he shrugged mellowly.
"But I ... you can't just ... are they ..." Rikku stared at him for a few more seconds, and then closed her eyes and squeezed him tightly. "Thank you."
Jude gently kissed her forehead. "You're welcome."
Rikku settled in for a long moment, then shook her head. "I was gonna go see him. In a few weeks. W-we were gonna tell people I was a foreign princess or something and s-see if they bought it. And ... he was gonna come back for cheer c-camp, and I was gonna make sure we had another m-m-mutiny ..."
Jude let her talk, his hand rubbing slow circles over her back.
Rikku swallowed hard. "I keep thinking I need to go back to my room so I can check my voicemail to see if H-Hamlet's called yet. I can't get my mind around it."
Jude hugged her tight. "It's hard now, bra. But . . . it'll get better, right?"
"Yeah," she said quietly. "It's ... it's what you do, you know? You stand up straight and bury the dead and you move on, and one day it's easier and you hate yourself for that, but it's what you do because ... because you have to."
She closed her eyes and saw Home burning, Auron fading, Hamlet smiling, and Yuna dancing hard enough to Send it all.
That was . . . the wrong thing to say, wasn't it? Geez, he sucked at this. His expression grew that much less mellow and he bowed his head over her, curling tighter around her.
"I used to be able to do this," she said in a tired voice. "To nod and pick up and go on and never miss a beat. You get good at it after a while. I don't ... know why it's so different, now."
"I don't know," he mumbled, wishing he could fix her.
She squeezed him suddenly. "So glad you're here," she said, voice wavering again.
"Nowhere else I'd be."
"Thank you." It wasn't enough but it was all she had. She pressed a light kiss to his chest, still snuggled in. "W-will you ... come with me? To Denmark. I need ... to see something." To say goodbye.
"'Course." Jude would do anything for her. And holding her hand while she grieved was one of those things.
She laid for a few minutes, just wrapped in his arms, and let herself drift. Finally she took a deep breath and looked up at him. "You ... you really think it's okay to wait till tomorrow?"
"Yep," he assured her quietly, nuzzling into her hair. "Totally okay."
"Okay," she said. "Then I'm not getting out of bed today. Not even ..."
Stupid stomach, picking that moment to growl.
Jude managed to laugh softly. "You want me to find us some grub, bra?"
Rikku made a humph sort of noise. "I'm not hungry. I shouldn't be hungry. I don't think I could eat, anyway. But I kinda am, too."
"Why don't I go get some food and you can figure out if you want to eat it later?" he suggested.
"M-maybe?" she said, brushing the hair out of her eyes. "Maybe something light, or snacky, you know? And ... and, uh, would you ... ?"
She blushed, feeling stupid for making silly requests at a time like this.
"Yeah?"
"I, uh, it's d-dumb, 'cause ... it's kinda ... and ..." She looked up at him a little sheepishly. "I think I totally need a Jude-shake."
Jude smiled. "One Jude-shake comin' right up." He kissed her forehead but didn't move. "Y' okay if I go?"
Rikku held on for a few seconds before letting go. "Yeah. Totally. I mean, Fish is here, so ... you know. We'll be good."
Jude smiled and kissed her swiftly before wriggling out of bed. "I'll be right back. I love you."
Rikku reached out for one of his hands and held it for a long moment before pressing it against her lips. "Thanks," she said softly. "I love you too."
Jude blushed and smiled down at her before hurrying out of the room in search of food and the biggest, creamiest, deliciousest Jude-shake he could concoct.
Rikku pulled the Seriously Rugged And Manly Duvet around her closer and waited patiently for Jude to come back. The duvet was very comfy and didn't mind at all that she had to wipe her eyes on it a few times. Jude wouldn't, either.
(OOC: preplayed with the way-awesome dude_its_jude. NFI. OOC comments are love.)
Rikku wriggled a little, opening her eyes, and then shut them again. She was snuggled with Jude but there was a creeping dread in the pit of her stomach and something really horrible she didn't want to remember. So no waking up yet. Her eyes felt itchy, and that made her remember crying, and remembering was bad. So she wriggled closer to Jude, pressing her face against his chest, and tried to pretend whatever it was had just been a bad dream. It wasn't working.
Jude's arm tightened around her and he mumbled something sleepily soothing, nuzzling into her hair before dozing again. If his sleeping-face was less mellow than usual, there was a very good reason for it.
Jude was here, and it was morning and he was being soothing and wonderful and everything was okay and everyone was okay so nothing was wrong. Whatever was wrong could be fixed, later, and she should close her eyes and go back to sleep because she was in Fandom and she was loved and everything was going to be all right and Hamlet was dead.
Her eyes flew open as she bolted awake. Coffee shop. Wandering the streets. Crying and Jude and ... no. That was crazy. Some weird nightmare she'd had because he hadn't called her and it was Friday and not Saturday and that hadn't happened.
Rikku whimpered a little and closed her eyes and tried like hell to believe that.
Jude jolted awake a little when she did, Jude-senses tingling that something was wrong. She whimpered and he curled even tighter around her, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "'Sokay, I'm here," he mumbled, his hand rubbing over her back.
Rikku shook her head. "Didn't happen. Right? I'm ... having nightmares. Yeah? And you're ..."
She looked up at him hopefully, wide eyes already tearing up.
Jude looked down at her and aww, geez, she was crying and crying was totally not fair. He wriggled a bit down to rest his forehead against hers, kissing the tip of her nose. "I'm here for you, bra."
"It's .... it's not ..." Rikku closed her eyes and shuddered, making a little hiccupy sound. "It did happen, didn't it?"
Jude's heart was starting to crumble under the strain here. "It happened," he told her softly.
Rikku nodded quickly, and then her face crumpled. After a few seconds she nodded again and swallowed and her expression was back to a wistful sort of blank. "I ... okay. I need to ..." She cleared her throat and started to sit up. "There are ... th-things to ..."
Jude pounced, forcing her back to the bed. "No."
Rikku slumped back against him, boneless, and shook for a few seconds. Then she sniffled and pulled herself together again. "J-Jude, I ... please. I n-need to ..."
Jude cut her off with a swift kiss. "What do you need?" he asked quietly, knowing exactly what she was doing and not going to let her get away with it.
Rikku closed her eyes, trying to think. "I h-have to ... tell people. Call. F-find out if they ... need anything. I need to ..." She sniffled again, and then shook her head. "I should've done this yesterday, I'm so ..."
Jude brushed his fingers through her hair, keeping her fixed in place. "You're gonna take care of everyone else?"
"All I did yesterday was cry and it didn't do anything and ... I-I'm okay, I need to, you know ..." She sighed and closed her eyes, nestling in.
With a small sigh Jude wrapped his arms around her again and settled in. He was going to mellow at her until she gave in. He could do it, too.
Rikku wriggled closer. "I'm ... I'm okay. I c-can't believe ... I called you like that."
Jude chuckled softly. "'Sokay. I'm glad you did."
Rikku took a deep breath. "I'm okay. I can ... I can do this, yeah? I should know how by now."
Jude frowned a little bit, but rubbed her back supportively and didn't say anything.
Rikku was quiet for a long moment. "Why didn't I go with him?"
"I needed you here." Hey, if she was blaming him then at least she wasn't blaming herself.
She shook her head quickly. "He said no and I let him and ... if I had dug my heels in, then ... w-what if ... Jude, what if he'd ..."
Her voice cracked on that and she threw her arms around his neck.
"Shh," Jude murmured immediately, enfolding her in a tight hug, curling around her again. "Shh, bra, no what-ifs here . . ."
Rikku pressed her face into his chest and let out a sob. "I c-could have ... he ..." She clenched her hands, struggling for control, and then gave up and began crying in earnest.
"I know," Jude said softly, closing his eyes against tears of his own as he held her close, wishing he knew what to do.
"He was stupid," she snapped, wiping at her eyes. "He was all 'ohhhh my dad says I have to do it myself' and why does that matter he's crazy and your uncle's killing people and why why why ..." Her voice wavered again and dammit she was so sick of crying and yet she couldn't stop.
What was Jude supposed to do except hold her? Hold her and rub her back and be glad she was crying and not just putting on that blank face that he hated.
Finally, finally, she stopped crying and got herself under control again. She sniffled and was still shaking a little, though. Oh, wow, crying all over his chest. Good job.
"Jude?" she said, in a barely audible voice. "I'm s-sorry."
Jude pressed a kiss to the crown of her head, and then one to the curve of her ear for good measure. "F'r what?" he asked quietly.
"I'm ... crying all over you and ..." Rikku wiped her nose on the back of her arm, because her pajama top didn't have sleeves. "... And I called all stupid and lost and I keep going off to save the world and I suck at it and this is my fault and now I'm just sitting here and being upset like that's gonna help and I'm s-s-sorry."
"Function number twelve of boyfriends is as giant tissues," he informed her seriously. "Number seven is rescuing lost girlfriends." He kissed her forehead. "It isn't your fault. You are awesome at saving the world."
"I'm not," she said softly. "I almost died a lot, and ... Yunie saved the world. I just went along and stole things. I'm not a real Guardian."
"What are you talkin' about?" Jude scoffed gently, ducking his head to get into her line of vision. "You brought Tidus back. You saved Valentine-dude's place."
Rikku shook her head quickly. "T-Tidus ... that w-was Isabel, and Dawn, and Door. And V-Valentine's world ... it ... it's stuck and we can't go back, and he's not here, and ... and I don't know what that means. I ... I t-tried to teach Hamlet to spar, and ..." She winced, hearing his name out loud again.
"Oh." Jude hadn't known about Valentine. "Nah, bra, Tidus was all you." He held her tight. "This isn't your fault."
Rikku swallowed, hard. "I feel so ... like I should just ... it's not fair. It's not right and it's ... why does it feel like it's my fault if it's not, and why can't ... why couldn't ..." She was shaking again, and she squeezed in tight.
Jude was right there to soothe her shakes, trying to find the right words to say and knowing that whatever came out wasn't going to work.
Rikku shook her head quickly. "I c-can't ... what if here is g-gonna be just like home, again. What if ..."
"No," Jude said quickly, stroking her hair. "No what-ifs. It's not going to be like that."
"I don't want to look at my friends and wonder who's next," she said softly.
Jude frowned and kissed her forehead. "No one, bra. No one's next. I promise."
Rikku pulled her arms in to hug herself, curling inward. "It's always someone. Y-you get used to it. I just ... thought I wouldn't have to any more."
Jude weaseled his way into her arms, forcing her to uncurl and hug him instead.
She resisted for a few seconds before wriggling back against him. "I can't do this. If here's gonna be just like there. I can't."
"Then we'll go away," he promised. "The two of us. We'll find somewhere where this stuff never happens."
She pressed her face against his chest, her voice barely audible. "Maybe it's me. I brought it with me. Maybe nowhere's safe and ... and I should just accept it and stop laying around crying. I just ..."
"Shhh." Jude kissed the top of her head, wishing he could do more than say the stupid wrong things and hold her. He'd promise to follow her to the ends of the earth and he'd do it, too.
This time she leaned up a little to give him a very light kiss. "I'm sorry," she said. "I'm such a wreck and I'm not being fair to you at all and ..." She snuggled back into his chest. "I know it's selfish but ... I just kinda wanna stay right here for a while, you know?"
"You can stay here as long as you need, bra," he assured her, running his hand through her hair again as he wrapped himself around her. "That's what I'm here for."
Rikku wriggled closer with a deep sigh. "You're really good at this, you know that?"
Jude chuckled but didn't reply. He didn't think he was doing too good, but as long as she was wriggling he wasn't complaining.
"You don't mind, me staying and all?" She looked up at him hopefully. "Can I, uh, crash here while you're at work? If I go back to my room I'm gonna have to tell Hermione what's going on and I ... I mean, not like that, Hermione rocks. I just ... don't wanna have to tell anybody yet." She shivered.
Keeping one arm firmly around her, Jude reached for his desk and rummaged around for his cellphone, quickly dialing. "Hey, sir? Yeah, I can't come in today. Some kind of, uh, throat thing. Don't want to get anyone sick. I'll totally make up the hours. Okay, bye." Click and the cellphone was being tossed back onto his desk.
Rikku gaped for a minute, and then flailed. As best she could when snuggled in that much, anyway. "You can't ... they'll ... Jude! You're gonna ... I didn't mean ... don't do that!"
"Already did it," he shrugged mellowly.
"But I ... you can't just ... are they ..." Rikku stared at him for a few more seconds, and then closed her eyes and squeezed him tightly. "Thank you."
Jude gently kissed her forehead. "You're welcome."
Rikku settled in for a long moment, then shook her head. "I was gonna go see him. In a few weeks. W-we were gonna tell people I was a foreign princess or something and s-see if they bought it. And ... he was gonna come back for cheer c-camp, and I was gonna make sure we had another m-m-mutiny ..."
Jude let her talk, his hand rubbing slow circles over her back.
Rikku swallowed hard. "I keep thinking I need to go back to my room so I can check my voicemail to see if H-Hamlet's called yet. I can't get my mind around it."
Jude hugged her tight. "It's hard now, bra. But . . . it'll get better, right?"
"Yeah," she said quietly. "It's ... it's what you do, you know? You stand up straight and bury the dead and you move on, and one day it's easier and you hate yourself for that, but it's what you do because ... because you have to."
She closed her eyes and saw Home burning, Auron fading, Hamlet smiling, and Yuna dancing hard enough to Send it all.
That was . . . the wrong thing to say, wasn't it? Geez, he sucked at this. His expression grew that much less mellow and he bowed his head over her, curling tighter around her.
"I used to be able to do this," she said in a tired voice. "To nod and pick up and go on and never miss a beat. You get good at it after a while. I don't ... know why it's so different, now."
"I don't know," he mumbled, wishing he could fix her.
She squeezed him suddenly. "So glad you're here," she said, voice wavering again.
"Nowhere else I'd be."
"Thank you." It wasn't enough but it was all she had. She pressed a light kiss to his chest, still snuggled in. "W-will you ... come with me? To Denmark. I need ... to see something." To say goodbye.
"'Course." Jude would do anything for her. And holding her hand while she grieved was one of those things.
She laid for a few minutes, just wrapped in his arms, and let herself drift. Finally she took a deep breath and looked up at him. "You ... you really think it's okay to wait till tomorrow?"
"Yep," he assured her quietly, nuzzling into her hair. "Totally okay."
"Okay," she said. "Then I'm not getting out of bed today. Not even ..."
Stupid stomach, picking that moment to growl.
Jude managed to laugh softly. "You want me to find us some grub, bra?"
Rikku made a humph sort of noise. "I'm not hungry. I shouldn't be hungry. I don't think I could eat, anyway. But I kinda am, too."
"Why don't I go get some food and you can figure out if you want to eat it later?" he suggested.
"M-maybe?" she said, brushing the hair out of her eyes. "Maybe something light, or snacky, you know? And ... and, uh, would you ... ?"
She blushed, feeling stupid for making silly requests at a time like this.
"Yeah?"
"I, uh, it's d-dumb, 'cause ... it's kinda ... and ..." She looked up at him a little sheepishly. "I think I totally need a Jude-shake."
Jude smiled. "One Jude-shake comin' right up." He kissed her forehead but didn't move. "Y' okay if I go?"
Rikku held on for a few seconds before letting go. "Yeah. Totally. I mean, Fish is here, so ... you know. We'll be good."
Jude smiled and kissed her swiftly before wriggling out of bed. "I'll be right back. I love you."
Rikku reached out for one of his hands and held it for a long moment before pressing it against her lips. "Thanks," she said softly. "I love you too."
Jude blushed and smiled down at her before hurrying out of the room in search of food and the biggest, creamiest, deliciousest Jude-shake he could concoct.
Rikku pulled the Seriously Rugged And Manly Duvet around her closer and waited patiently for Jude to come back. The duvet was very comfy and didn't mind at all that she had to wipe her eyes on it a few times. Jude wouldn't, either.
(OOC: preplayed with the way-awesome dude_its_jude. NFI. OOC comments are love.)