U is for uncertainty
Dear Journal,
Wow. We took a break there for a while, didn't we? Well, it turns out you're always there for me when I need to get something off my chest. This has been a pretty crazy semester, bringing more change than a laundromat customer with 7 loads.
I have met new people, had new experiences and lost old memories and friends. If I was to look back on my life right now, I don't know if I'd consider it a success or not, because it is moving in a much different direction than only one year ago.
A year ago, I was coming off the best summer of my life which followed the best year of my college life. I had plenty of friends, both in Clarkston and at CMU. I had romance, for the first time. I had an exciting job that was about to be one of the most challenging things I'd ever taken on.
Some days I wish I could go back to August 2005. Some days I don't want it to be 2006, wish that time could've been paused, stopped at that immaculate moment in my life when I was completely content with my place in the world. But it isn't August 2005. It is November 2006, only one year removed from that magical time when days were sweet and nights were sweeter.
Growing up is a sobering experience. Removed from the party that was, we look back on what we had, with a throbbing pain reminding us that the past is gone, each pulsating coup of sensation dissolving our dreams and forcing us to focus on the reality surrounding us.
My reality is one of uncertainty. While many of my friends will be graduating, I will be entering the bonus round: without familiar faces to turn to in times of need, without the people I love, without well-worn hallways to and from classes that I know I can succeed in. I am leaving behind all of the security I created and heading out into a world full of new experiences and paths covered with "leaves no step has trodden black."
I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I can be what others expect and need me to be.
I don't know if I'm strong enough to let it all go and step out off the edge into the darkness below.
Only time will tell.
Phi Alpha
The Man
The Myth
The Melv
Josh Melvin
Wow. We took a break there for a while, didn't we? Well, it turns out you're always there for me when I need to get something off my chest. This has been a pretty crazy semester, bringing more change than a laundromat customer with 7 loads.
I have met new people, had new experiences and lost old memories and friends. If I was to look back on my life right now, I don't know if I'd consider it a success or not, because it is moving in a much different direction than only one year ago.
A year ago, I was coming off the best summer of my life which followed the best year of my college life. I had plenty of friends, both in Clarkston and at CMU. I had romance, for the first time. I had an exciting job that was about to be one of the most challenging things I'd ever taken on.
Some days I wish I could go back to August 2005. Some days I don't want it to be 2006, wish that time could've been paused, stopped at that immaculate moment in my life when I was completely content with my place in the world. But it isn't August 2005. It is November 2006, only one year removed from that magical time when days were sweet and nights were sweeter.
Growing up is a sobering experience. Removed from the party that was, we look back on what we had, with a throbbing pain reminding us that the past is gone, each pulsating coup of sensation dissolving our dreams and forcing us to focus on the reality surrounding us.
My reality is one of uncertainty. While many of my friends will be graduating, I will be entering the bonus round: without familiar faces to turn to in times of need, without the people I love, without well-worn hallways to and from classes that I know I can succeed in. I am leaving behind all of the security I created and heading out into a world full of new experiences and paths covered with "leaves no step has trodden black."
I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I can be what others expect and need me to be.
I don't know if I'm strong enough to let it all go and step out off the edge into the darkness below.
Only time will tell.
Phi Alpha
The Man
The Myth
The Melv
Josh Melvin