Tick Tick Tick...*KABOOM*
My stress level is through the f-ing roof right now. Damn Seabra, damn my job, damn all responsibilities that go with my job. Nine years at this god forsaken place being treated like that wad of gum stuck to the bottom of someone's shoe. I came so close to snapping yesterday at the manager and at everybody around me on saturday. It's not a good sign when I'm completely silent. I don't mean the keeping quiet while listening to somebody silent. I mean the forcefully-suppressed-rage-ready-to-kill-at-a-moment's-notice kind of silent where you won't even respond to any directed questions. I'm either going to quit or get myself fired, but I'll address that later.
On top of that, by the time I've stopped feeling angry, I'm clearly both mentally and physcially stressed. You can tell by the way I move or how I talk in front of employees and customers. I've been having panic attacks because of the overwhemling stress at work. Nausea, light-headedness, dizziness, chest pains, sweating, shortness of breath (hasn't quite become hyperventilation yet), hot/cold flashes, mild burning sensations, and in rare cases, vertigo. Before anyone starts to worry, this only happens while I'm on the job. But the frequency of these has increased since November. I'm either already having one within thirty minutes of punching in or at some point mid-shift.
Bottom line is I can't do this anymore. I can't stand retail any longer. Right now, I'm looking at a few alternatives:
1) (Rage) quit my job and continue the job search, knowing fully that I only have enough money to survive on for the next three months.
2) Continue working there and put up with all the stress while I'm looking for a job.
3) Quitting my position at the front desk and returning to the life of a regular cashier, or eliminate all interdepartmental duties.
The first option is looking mighty appealing. Considering I told the store manager and my department manager three months ago to "start finding a replacement for me because I'm actively looking for a new job" and neither person took my words seriously.
Ever since I assumed the responsibilities of the Front End Manager last year in January, and even after handing it back over to the actualy Front End Manager mid-April, I've been expected to maintain and continue with those responsibilities. For the $8 an hour I'm making after nine years of employment, when minimum wage is $7.40 an hour, it's not worth it. On top of it, I'm only part time and I'm expected to do everything. (Did I mention that I didn't even get so much as a thank you for voluntarily filling a full-time position? The company knew for six months she was going on maternity leave and never bothered to find a replacement.)
When the FE Manager isn't around, I'm expected to deal with banks and double charges, bad checks and their payments, correcting Western Union utility payment, MoneyGram, hunting down lost transactions, fixing multiple mistakes of cashiers, having to completely open the cash office and front office (and other responsibilities I will not mention here) within a half hour of the store opening, having to complete daily paperwork by 11 AM while balancing customers and employees, having to call in other employees from other departments (when it's that department's responsibility), and many other things. Even the GM has told me to drop the customer I'm helping on the phone in favor of either doing something for him or helping the customer at the front desk (who was there long after I answered the phone).
Too many people tell me to not let it bother me. But, I stare them down and ask them "Are you responsible for (insert examples from above)?" How can I not let it bother me if someone's constantly breathing down my neck because I haven't been able to do something yet. Do I have the time to do everything either? Hell no. Still, I'm expected to do it all during my shift, which leave several tasks finished in a half-assed state that appears to be in a completed state. Then I get reamed the following day by someone on some various managerial level because it wasn't done properly.
Others tell me to smile and keep working as if nothing was wrong. I'm tired of the frequent difficulties I have being brushed aside.
Only three or four people actually listen to and understand me at work...too bad they're not part of the management.
I need a day job that's worth my time and effort. I didn't go to college and get my Bachelor's so I could waste my life at Seabra. There was a time I enjoyed and tolerated my job, but that time's long gone.
Right now, I'll do anything...and I do mean ANYTHING to reduce the work-related stress in my life.
On top of that, by the time I've stopped feeling angry, I'm clearly both mentally and physcially stressed. You can tell by the way I move or how I talk in front of employees and customers. I've been having panic attacks because of the overwhemling stress at work. Nausea, light-headedness, dizziness, chest pains, sweating, shortness of breath (hasn't quite become hyperventilation yet), hot/cold flashes, mild burning sensations, and in rare cases, vertigo. Before anyone starts to worry, this only happens while I'm on the job. But the frequency of these has increased since November. I'm either already having one within thirty minutes of punching in or at some point mid-shift.
Bottom line is I can't do this anymore. I can't stand retail any longer. Right now, I'm looking at a few alternatives:
1) (Rage) quit my job and continue the job search, knowing fully that I only have enough money to survive on for the next three months.
2) Continue working there and put up with all the stress while I'm looking for a job.
3) Quitting my position at the front desk and returning to the life of a regular cashier, or eliminate all interdepartmental duties.
The first option is looking mighty appealing. Considering I told the store manager and my department manager three months ago to "start finding a replacement for me because I'm actively looking for a new job" and neither person took my words seriously.
Ever since I assumed the responsibilities of the Front End Manager last year in January, and even after handing it back over to the actualy Front End Manager mid-April, I've been expected to maintain and continue with those responsibilities. For the $8 an hour I'm making after nine years of employment, when minimum wage is $7.40 an hour, it's not worth it. On top of it, I'm only part time and I'm expected to do everything. (Did I mention that I didn't even get so much as a thank you for voluntarily filling a full-time position? The company knew for six months she was going on maternity leave and never bothered to find a replacement.)
When the FE Manager isn't around, I'm expected to deal with banks and double charges, bad checks and their payments, correcting Western Union utility payment, MoneyGram, hunting down lost transactions, fixing multiple mistakes of cashiers, having to completely open the cash office and front office (and other responsibilities I will not mention here) within a half hour of the store opening, having to complete daily paperwork by 11 AM while balancing customers and employees, having to call in other employees from other departments (when it's that department's responsibility), and many other things. Even the GM has told me to drop the customer I'm helping on the phone in favor of either doing something for him or helping the customer at the front desk (who was there long after I answered the phone).
Too many people tell me to not let it bother me. But, I stare them down and ask them "Are you responsible for (insert examples from above)?" How can I not let it bother me if someone's constantly breathing down my neck because I haven't been able to do something yet. Do I have the time to do everything either? Hell no. Still, I'm expected to do it all during my shift, which leave several tasks finished in a half-assed state that appears to be in a completed state. Then I get reamed the following day by someone on some various managerial level because it wasn't done properly.
Others tell me to smile and keep working as if nothing was wrong. I'm tired of the frequent difficulties I have being brushed aside.
Only three or four people actually listen to and understand me at work...too bad they're not part of the management.
I need a day job that's worth my time and effort. I didn't go to college and get my Bachelor's so I could waste my life at Seabra. There was a time I enjoyed and tolerated my job, but that time's long gone.
Right now, I'll do anything...and I do mean ANYTHING to reduce the work-related stress in my life.