46.3 Make your own
13 Pranks Before Noon
1. The park in Oihear Duhb is purple. All of it. Like the Emerald City if he’d had a thing for amethysts instead. Apparently anyone who stays in it for more than an hour starts to turn purple, too.
2. Every public statue of a living thing in the city has been temporarily animated and given limited intelligence. Last report a 40 foot stone me and a dragon were having a godzilla style fight on the edge of town. Last report from my bookie gave it even odds.
3. Pixies have been dressing up as Tinkerbell and kidnapping grown men who want to go to a place where little boys never grow up. If I have to give details for why beyond that, well, you’re delightfully and blessedly sheltered. After robbing the men blind, the pixies are apparently selling them as eunuchs. I will have to stop them, at some point...
4. Half the drinking water was spiked with a lust potion. Apparently the results were inspiring even by Fae standards.
5. The other half of the drinking water was spiked with LSD. Which, apparently wasn’t a deliberate prank so much as human chemist pissing off a Fae client and getting his lab blown to bits by the river.
6. No less than ten werewolves have issued complaints of being kidnapped by a band of elves in order to be given a poodle cut that will not go away no matter how often they shift. Yes, I did get to see some of them in person and it was even better than it sounds like.
7. Half of the animals at the royal zoo have been turned to humans for the day. The crocodiles won’t stop crying, the fish keep half drowning themselves, and the monkeys are still flinging feces with annoying accuracy.
8. Some idiot technomancer has bespelled all the traffic lights to flicker in such a way to spell out Weird Al songs in Morse code. Apparently after two hours he switched to gangster rap.
9. The two griffins who have adopted my throne room are currently two very pissed off cats who have apparently eaten thee cobs and brownie. Working on getting them some catnip to drug them out. Can’t really blame the dears for eating the littles, as I’m fairly certain it was an attempt to get back at the griffins for pouncing on Small Folk when bored.
10. A silph noblewomen got shaved bald. Don’t know what she’s whining about, she has a pleasant enough shaped head and there are dozens of spells for growing hair that she can afford many times over.
11. Someone turned my second favorite knife to rubber. Someone found out that a determined enough person with a cold enough piece of rubber can still do a lot of damage to a body. A lot of damage.
12. The Goblin Market has sprouted foot tall white and red mushrooms. If someone hadn’t admitted to do it, no one would have thought it anything surprising. No one has tried eating them yet, but I’m just waiting for the reports to filter in.
13. I told them I quit and was retiring to build a new Las Vegas in northern Wisconsin. Of course I wasn’t serious. Way too many mosquitos in Wisconsin.
1. The park in Oihear Duhb is purple. All of it. Like the Emerald City if he’d had a thing for amethysts instead. Apparently anyone who stays in it for more than an hour starts to turn purple, too.
2. Every public statue of a living thing in the city has been temporarily animated and given limited intelligence. Last report a 40 foot stone me and a dragon were having a godzilla style fight on the edge of town. Last report from my bookie gave it even odds.
3. Pixies have been dressing up as Tinkerbell and kidnapping grown men who want to go to a place where little boys never grow up. If I have to give details for why beyond that, well, you’re delightfully and blessedly sheltered. After robbing the men blind, the pixies are apparently selling them as eunuchs. I will have to stop them, at some point...
4. Half the drinking water was spiked with a lust potion. Apparently the results were inspiring even by Fae standards.
5. The other half of the drinking water was spiked with LSD. Which, apparently wasn’t a deliberate prank so much as human chemist pissing off a Fae client and getting his lab blown to bits by the river.
6. No less than ten werewolves have issued complaints of being kidnapped by a band of elves in order to be given a poodle cut that will not go away no matter how often they shift. Yes, I did get to see some of them in person and it was even better than it sounds like.
7. Half of the animals at the royal zoo have been turned to humans for the day. The crocodiles won’t stop crying, the fish keep half drowning themselves, and the monkeys are still flinging feces with annoying accuracy.
8. Some idiot technomancer has bespelled all the traffic lights to flicker in such a way to spell out Weird Al songs in Morse code. Apparently after two hours he switched to gangster rap.
9. The two griffins who have adopted my throne room are currently two very pissed off cats who have apparently eaten thee cobs and brownie. Working on getting them some catnip to drug them out. Can’t really blame the dears for eating the littles, as I’m fairly certain it was an attempt to get back at the griffins for pouncing on Small Folk when bored.
10. A silph noblewomen got shaved bald. Don’t know what she’s whining about, she has a pleasant enough shaped head and there are dozens of spells for growing hair that she can afford many times over.
11. Someone turned my second favorite knife to rubber. Someone found out that a determined enough person with a cold enough piece of rubber can still do a lot of damage to a body. A lot of damage.
12. The Goblin Market has sprouted foot tall white and red mushrooms. If someone hadn’t admitted to do it, no one would have thought it anything surprising. No one has tried eating them yet, but I’m just waiting for the reports to filter in.
13. I told them I quit and was retiring to build a new Las Vegas in northern Wisconsin. Of course I wasn’t serious. Way too many mosquitos in Wisconsin.