you've found the more important part, grats...
Welcome to part 2. I hope you have a strong stomach or actually know me.
Anytime I attempt to be serious, some one has to shatter it for one reason or another. They turn somethings serious into something silly and I am discounted from being any sort of a figure to take into account for any meaning of substance. Example: many people think that my artwork is mostly bs that I spout when I am giving an eplanation during a critique, when in actuality I have been thinking about every aspect from day one in the process of creating it. Though I don't always say everything, that doesn't mean that I am not thinking. Contrary to popular belief, mountain dew and poptarts are not the main concern, i tend to think about why I am still at college, why my friends are jerks, and why I dont stick up for myself. I dont think that if I stood up for myself, my friends would like me. I am indeed an angry person and i bite my tongue on so many occasions that its a wonder i can taste anything (i guess salt helps). I fear that if I drop the filter that screens what I say, I will be left with not a single friend. Sometimes I feel like i get shit on and all i get as compensation are hugs and massages. I haven't been in a relationship in somewhere over a year now and it isnt for lack of trying. I tend to either find people who are too stupid, dont like me for who I am, or just arent willing to let themselevs be emotionally available. I feel like an idiot for trying to keep friends, but then I realize that without them, I dont exist.
People dont know or dont care about my insecurities. either way it makes me feel like i am make friends with imperceptive or inconsiderate imbiciles. They may think im an idiot, but im just lazy, and the fact of the matter is that I am finding more and more reasons not to try. Trust me when i say this, my friends are no real help there either. I love you all dearly, but you all suck....
Love, Jay.
(if i dont hang out with you on a day to day basis, this probably doesnt apply to you)
p.s. If you find this and your feelings are hurt, rather than be a fucking moron, talk to me. So I know that you have an inkling of what is goin on in my head.
Anytime I attempt to be serious, some one has to shatter it for one reason or another. They turn somethings serious into something silly and I am discounted from being any sort of a figure to take into account for any meaning of substance. Example: many people think that my artwork is mostly bs that I spout when I am giving an eplanation during a critique, when in actuality I have been thinking about every aspect from day one in the process of creating it. Though I don't always say everything, that doesn't mean that I am not thinking. Contrary to popular belief, mountain dew and poptarts are not the main concern, i tend to think about why I am still at college, why my friends are jerks, and why I dont stick up for myself. I dont think that if I stood up for myself, my friends would like me. I am indeed an angry person and i bite my tongue on so many occasions that its a wonder i can taste anything (i guess salt helps). I fear that if I drop the filter that screens what I say, I will be left with not a single friend. Sometimes I feel like i get shit on and all i get as compensation are hugs and massages. I haven't been in a relationship in somewhere over a year now and it isnt for lack of trying. I tend to either find people who are too stupid, dont like me for who I am, or just arent willing to let themselevs be emotionally available. I feel like an idiot for trying to keep friends, but then I realize that without them, I dont exist.
People dont know or dont care about my insecurities. either way it makes me feel like i am make friends with imperceptive or inconsiderate imbiciles. They may think im an idiot, but im just lazy, and the fact of the matter is that I am finding more and more reasons not to try. Trust me when i say this, my friends are no real help there either. I love you all dearly, but you all suck....
Love, Jay.
(if i dont hang out with you on a day to day basis, this probably doesnt apply to you)
p.s. If you find this and your feelings are hurt, rather than be a fucking moron, talk to me. So I know that you have an inkling of what is goin on in my head.