RP: And Make It A Double...

[olddognewtrick]

Date: 31 August 2001
Characters: Sirius, Fred, George
Status: private
Summary: The boys go for a drink to celebrate the end of back-to-school shopping season
Completion: incomplete

Comments

[up_two_no_good]

Fred snickered. "Well, the sentiment was all right, if nothing else. Worried about his Mum. She's had some bad experiences."

"Christ, she was married to Lucius, of course she's had some bad experiences," George chimed in.

"Still, he nearly fainted when he saw some of the stuff we've got in that back room," Fred said with a dreamy sigh.

"Probably traumatic for anyone thinking about their mums using our products," George said. "Imagine Molly--"

"Oh god!" Fred gasped, tossing the rest of his pint at George, who deflected the liquid in a shower around him before it could touch him. "That's just wrong, George. Sick. And. Wrong."

[olddognewtrick]

Sirius chuckled at the idea of Draco staring, horrified, at some of
their more lurid products, like the fist-shaped dildos. "Maybe we
should send him a Hippogriff dildo with our regards," he said with a
wink.

He cringed and wiped off the beer that had splashed his arm during the
twins' battle. He shouldn't say this but after getting beer on him,
they probably deserved it. "You know, your mum was pretty good
looking, back in the day. A bit old for me at the time, mind you, but
she was definitely in MILF territory back when Bill was a firstie.
And it was the sexual revolution and all when your folks were young,
you know..."

[up_two_no_good]

"Dementor dildo," Fred said with a nod, planning on doing just that.

Both twins stared at Sirius, horror-struck. "Ew," said George.

"Ugh," said Fred.

"That's just..."

"I mean..."

The twins looked at each other, and at Sirius, and at each other. And then they both threw lime slices at him, half giggling like two-year-olds, half groaning in agony at the mental images that was pulling up.

[olddognewtrick]

Sirius laughed so hard his stomach hurt as he ducked the lime slices that flew at him. He caught one and took a gulp of George's tequila before sucking on the slice.

"Cheers, boys," he said, giving George his glass back.

[up_two_no_good]

George conjured salt onto both of his hands and held them out, one each to Sirius and to Fred. Fred grinned in turn and called up more tequila and limes.

"Tom hates it when we do this," Fred confided.

"Not his liquor, is it, so he's losing sales," George reasoned.

Fred took his lime and leaned forward, licking the salt off George's hand, slamming his shot back, and taking a big bite of his lime. "Mmm, that's the ticket. We haven't done body shots in way too long."

George grinned. "Master Hakuyu would kill us, you realise this." He proffered his other hand to Sirius. "You in, mate?"

[olddognewtrick]

Sirius watched Fred take his shot, and then took a lime and a glass of his own. "No sense in turning down a shot with my bosses," he said, winking as he leaned forward to lick the salt off George's hand and then threw back his shot, popping the lime into his mouth immediately after and sucking hard.

"That's some good stuff," he said as he dropped the lime onto the table, "Too bad you're not in the liquor-conjuring business, this it a helluva lot better than whatever rot Tom's got in his stocks."

"Where were you blokes when I was back at Hogwarts, nicking firewhiskey from the caretaker's secret stash?"

[up_two_no_good]

"It's directly from Guadalajara is why," George said with a lazy grin.

"We demand the best, after all," Fred agreed, though he was thinking of Narcissa more than anything else. She was certainly 'the best'.

"We talked for a bit about running liquor out of the shop."

"And tattoos and piercings."

"Oh! I'd forgotten about that. We could still do that, you know."

"Need to find an artist for the tattooing, though."

"Know any artists?" both twins asked Sirius in unison.

[olddognewtrick]

"Cheaters," Sirius said with a grin, and then summoned a glass of water from the bar. He wasn't planning on getting drunk tonight, not when only last week he'd suffered through a terrible hangover and remembering what he'd confessed to Tracey in his inebriated state.

He chuckled, still amused when Fred and George got all synchronized, despite having seen in a hundred times already.

"I do, actually. There's a witch named Marta over at Imelda's Inks in Knockturn. She's got a place already, but she could benefit from teaming up, I suppose. Imelda's her mum, she did a few of my tats back in the day, and Marta does good work. She inked Tracey a couple of weeks ago, actually."

[up_two_no_good]

"Let her know that two very handsome and convivial blokes could give her some work," Fred said.

"And if not, we could do it too," George agreed.

"And how is your girl, then?"

"Sharing a tattoo artist, are we?"

"Must be getting serious, Sirius."

"Heeeh. Serious-Sirius. Bet you haven't heard that joke a thousand times before."

"A thousand times this week, more like," Fred chuckled.

[olddognewtrick]

Sirius promised them he'd talk to Marta, and groaned at the bad pun.

"We are, actually, pretty- well, you know." he rolled his eyes at the pun, "She didn't just get a random tattoo, she got a pawprint. my pawprint." He smiled at that, knowing there would always be a part of himself on her skin.

"I wouldn't say there are marriage and babies in our near future, or ever, but luckily, I'm pretty sure she's not the type to want all that rot anyway. Not much point to a piece of paper and a silly ceremony."

[up_two_no_good]

Fred grinned. He wasn't so sure he agreed with that, which said a lot as he would have agreed whole-heartedly not a year ago. "As long as you're both happy, mate, we're happy for you."

"You should all go on a double date," George teased.

"Shut it, Mr Ascetic," Fred laughed.

"I'm celibate, not ascetic," George pointed out, holding up his tequila to prove that asceticism was not really his game.

"Crazy if you ask me," Fred confided to Sirius.

[olddognewtrick]

"You can come along as fifth wheel," Sirius joked.

"I completely agree," he told Fred, a bit too loudly. "Giving up shagging just isn't sane."

"I did the celibate thing, it was called twelve years in Azkaban. Not by choice, mind you, but more because there was absolutely nothing there I cared to put my cock in, for fear of it rotting off." He pulled a face. This many years after, it was easy to joke about his time locked up, but it really had been horrific, and sex was a most unappealing idea, considering the choice in partners.

"It's times like those," he said with a smirk, "that one truly comes to appreciate the benefits of being a dog animagus."

[up_two_no_good]

"I think I'll stick to the wheel of dharma, thanks just the same," George said with a smile.

"Just you wait, mate, some bloke or bird or hippogriff'll come along," Fred said, winking at Sirius, "and you'll say 'Celibate? What's celibate? Is that where we don't get out of bed for a week, because if so, sign me up!'"

Both twins snickered at Sirius' comment. "That really how you survived all those years, mate? Self blow jobs?" Fred asked.

George shook his head. "Wouldn't be a blow job, though, would it, with a dog's mouth."

"You've given this way too much thought."

"No, really, with the teeth and the inability to suck properly..."

Fred shook his head. They really shouldn't have worked to give up their ability to tolerate massive amounts of alcohol. After several shots, they just got silly.

[olddognewtrick]

"It certainly did help while away the hours," he said with a wink.

He took a drink of his water and shrugged. "Can't compare it, really. Everything feels different when I'm transformed. It's like experiencing the world through a dog filter. Definitely better than wanking, though."

Sirius chuckled at the absurdity of the conversation they were having. "I swear, you lot bring out the worst in me. I'd never tell these things to anyone else, even Tracey. Well, at least not while mildly sober."