RP: And Make It A Double...

[olddognewtrick]

Date: 31 August 2001
Characters: Sirius, Fred, George
Status: private
Summary: The boys go for a drink to celebrate the end of back-to-school shopping season
Completion: incomplete

Comments

[olddognewtrick]

Sirius laughed. This wasn't the sort of thing he'd tell just anyone, but the Twins were the sort who'd get a good chuckle from it. This was yet another thing that Sirius hoped that Tracey would never ask him about while he was drunk, considering what had happened the week earlier.

"You have to understand, I was trapped in that wretched house for a year, and everyone was gone, most of the time, and I got... curious, you could say.. Just wanked off Buckbeak the one time, to see what it was like. Messy, more than anything, and he wouldn't look me in the eye for a week after." He took a healthy swig of his firewhiskey.

"The replica you've got isn't bad, although it's a little small. Although it could be that ol' Buckbeak's above average in that respect, seeing as I haven't really made a hobby of romancing hippogriffs."

Sirius laughed and reached over and thunked George on the back to help him stop choking. There certainly was never a dull moment with these blokes.

He shrugged at the mention of the rapid-aging of Remus's children. "Can't say, really. Maybe some sort of freak by-product of being arse-babies?" he knew more than he let on, but Remus didn't want that information spread around, so be dutifully kept his mouth shut on the truth.

[up_two_no_good]

George smiled his thanks through watering eyes as he windpipe cleared at last. "Wanker," he said to George.

"Not a hippogriff wanker, though," Fred said, watching Sirius with shining eyes. "That is absolutely excellent level of perversion mate. I'm so proud."

Both twins nodded vigorously. "We have done, as they say, some freaky shit in our time," George agreed.

"But you win," Fred finished.

They pondered on Snape's kids for a moment, and Fred said at last, "Typical, slimy Snape."

"Greasy git's probably up to something, aging his kids with experimental potions or something."

"How your mate Remus can put up with him..."

"Not a bad looking bloke either, Remus. Can't believe he ended up with Snape."

[olddognewtrick]

Sirius was oddly proud that he'd won some nonexistant perversion contest with the Twins. They certainly weren't the sort who'd give out such an honor lightly.

He sighed heavily at mention of Snape. "It's hopeless, really. I've tried to convince Remus that he's gone mad, but you should have seen him when that greasy bastard left him. Poor Remus was utterly in pieces."

"Love completely baffles me sometimes. It's like it has made Remus blind and deaf and daft, and he can't see the real person he's attached himself to. But I've given up trying to stop him now, it's obviously the thing that makes him happy."

"Not that it means I have to like the prat or anything. It's not like he affords me that, not that I'd want him to."

[up_two_no_good]

The twins nodded sagely. "What's the line about winged cupid being painted black?" Fred asked.

"Not sure, though it certainly suits Snape," George said.

"We could always do something to him," Fred mused. "Make him lose his hair or grow a tail or something."

"Turn him into a woman, maybe," George laughed. "With the gender-bending jelly or otherwise."

"Not that we want Remus miserable, 'course. We always liked him."

"It's just... Snape, you know?" George smirked. "Anyway, don't talk to Fred about looooove. He's positively hopeless about his girlfriend."

Fred punched him in the arm. "Shut it, you. She thinks you're delightful. Clearly she's as blind toward you as Remus is to Snape."

[olddognewtrick]

Sirius laughed out loud at the idea of Snape bald, or with a tail, or
worse, as a woman. "That would be brilliant, but sadly, lads, I doubt
it would deter poor Remus one bit. Honestly, if he likes Snape how he
is now, how could a tail be any worse than that horrible personality
he's got?"

"Although I'm certain he'd make a rather hideous woman, which would be
amusing to no end." It was too bad that Tal was leaving for Hogwarts
tomorrow, otherwise Sirius would have given him something to slip
Snape that would provide some amusement. Perhaps over the winter
holiday...

He shrugged and took a drink, "Don't suppose I'm one to talk of love either."

"Narcissa's a bit of trouble, though I suppose she's mellowed out a
bit since we were kids. Can't help it though, can you? Love chooses
you, I suppose, although personally, I'm more related to Draco than I
care for, so good luck with that."

[up_two_no_good]

"He'd make a rather hideous anything," George retorted, transfiguring the vodka into tequila. With a wave of his hand, Fred supplied the lime slices.

"You'd have known Cissa back in the day, then, wouldn't you have?" Fred said, not pulling off the nonchalant tone at all.

George snickered. "Smooth, brother." He tented his fingers and looked inquiringly at Sirius. "It would be wrong to ask what she was like when you knew her, I suppose. She's a changed woman and all that."

"Still a bit of trouble, but definitely of the good kind," Fred said with a grin.

[olddognewtrick]

Sirius laughed. "I wondered if you'd ever catch on that I might have
some dirt on your girlfriend." He finished off his firewhiskey and
set it down on the sticky tabletop.

"She's changed a lot since we were kids. She was definitely spoiled,
and had many a tantrum when she didn't get her way, not that it
happened very often... Uncle Cygnus loved his girls like nothing
else, and he made sure they had everything they wanted. It's hard to
see it now, but she was really perfectly-suited to Lucius. He got a
gorgeous pureblood wife, and she got to play hostess and yell at house
elves all day while he was off killing Muggles, or whatever he did in
his spare time. Thankfully, she never tried to contact me after I was
disowned, not that i would have spoken to her anyway"

"That was part of why I was so skeptical when I first saw her back,
besides her obvious memory loss. She just wasn't the bratty cousin I
used to loathe having visits with."

[up_two_no_good]

Fred and George exchanged a look. That description was a far cry from the elegant, gracious lady they'd just had dinner with. "Temper tantrums, you say?" Fred said, planning on teasing his girlfriend with what he was learning.

"The persecution of house elves?" George laughed. "That's more how I would picture Draco's mum. You know the little git came into the store to yell at Fred?"

Fred chuckled. "I horrified him with the back room and the thought that it's where Cissa and I had our first real flirtation."

[olddognewtrick]

Sirius shrugged. "I'm probably not the least biased source, but I
assure you I'm not making this up. She definitely used to have more
in common with her son, besides the whole being flaming gay bit."

"That skinny little wimp tried to take on Fred?" Sirius asked
incredulously, "He's obviously out of his mind. That little prick
needs to stick to taking on blokes his own size. or maybe just women,
in that case."