Done dundee
I'm not as angry as I was yesterday. I got two hours of sleep yesterday and wake up to an angry conversation that leads to an entire day of me being absolutely angry at a situation that has now left my control. Sarah's apparently already dating somebody else. I knew she liked some kid up there but yesterday morning, with much attitude she proceeds to tell me she's already dating somebody. Nice, hey way to stab that knife a little deeper, thanks. The rest I was just frustrated at. Frustrated how this entire year played out. How her and I's entire relationship played out. How her and charlie's entire relationship played out. I was just so very angry over it all. Now I'm fighting the urge like crazy to call this little slut I know to go get laid. Fighting badly. Never, never in my life has the urge to go and grab some fucking pussy called to me this strongly. I just...I just know its not right for me to do it. Its this inner thing that tells me that, to do that isn't me. Has never been me and would be only be me rebounding. Furthermore not just rebounding but also showing a side of me that I may not like. So I'm battling it. I'm also battling the urge to tell sarah not to come at all. But whatever she'll come I'll get to see her, however awkward and bitter that'll be and then she can take all her shit and go back up to her new man and everything will be honky dory. Whatever the fuck I'll do most likely it'll be to return to the non-dating lifestyle that I previously enjoyed. No more of this shit, and if I ever love somebody anything near as strong as I feel for her...I'm sure as shit gonna handle things differently. Sorry to say whomever gets me next, ten years down the road is gonna have a very calculating mother fucker on their hands. Cause this was all bullshit and I'm not gonna go through that crap again if I can help. So I'ma have everything figured out next time. At least that's the plan.
Alot of times with this sort of thing, plan and execution vary drastically in terms of circumstance. I don't know...we'll see.
I'm dealing the best I am able just plugging along as it were. One day at a time. I'll be alright once distance really settles in. She's got a new man so she'll call me less and less and I'll be able to get further and further away until eventually it's just casual or maybe even not at all. I don't know, that's her thing. I am kind of bitter and that's what I really don't like is the fact that I am feeling kind of bitter about this whole thing and will no doubt be very snappish about the whole ordeal if someone brings it up.
I don't know. My mom told me when she went to one of her group reiki meditational meetings or whatever they are that she asked them to put me in some sort of healing circle. Which I mean voodoo magic or whatever, if it brings the kind of healing I require then I ain't gonna knock it cause I sure as shit am torn up inside. And I could use all the healing I can get. Damnit, if I knew how I would type "FUCK!" in large angry letters right in the middle. But unfortunately I don't know how to operate this junk. Whatever, I'm out.
Alot of times with this sort of thing, plan and execution vary drastically in terms of circumstance. I don't know...we'll see.
I'm dealing the best I am able just plugging along as it were. One day at a time. I'll be alright once distance really settles in. She's got a new man so she'll call me less and less and I'll be able to get further and further away until eventually it's just casual or maybe even not at all. I don't know, that's her thing. I am kind of bitter and that's what I really don't like is the fact that I am feeling kind of bitter about this whole thing and will no doubt be very snappish about the whole ordeal if someone brings it up.
I don't know. My mom told me when she went to one of her group reiki meditational meetings or whatever they are that she asked them to put me in some sort of healing circle. Which I mean voodoo magic or whatever, if it brings the kind of healing I require then I ain't gonna knock it cause I sure as shit am torn up inside. And I could use all the healing I can get. Damnit, if I knew how I would type "FUCK!" in large angry letters right in the middle. But unfortunately I don't know how to operate this junk. Whatever, I'm out.