headaches&&heartaches

Dec 08, 2005 19:07

i have one of the biggest headaches ever.
omfg.
i have no clue why but ugh.

so these past two weeks i've had midterms, and then next week i have one more.
can anyone say stressful?
oi vey.

i know i'm doing well in my musical theatre class, acting class, sight seeing i'm doing decent but i'm moving back down to my original level because i don't know. it just seems like a better idea. i mean, i get everything in my class but.. there are certain basic steps i never learned that i could really use right now.. so i'm going to move down, get better at that and then we'll see what happens. vps i was doing well but i missed classed today because i was talking to a teacher and even if you have an excuse or not, once the doors are locked, you can't get in. so whatever. he didn't let 3 of us in.. and usually he's a good guy but like i said whatever. my theatre dance teacher hates me cause i can't do anything right but he has to realize i'm not a dancer and that even though we have a lot of strong dancers in my group, not all of us are. and i mean, i'm trying. i know i should go to the dance reviews and im going to really start going, i didn't come to this school to bullshit around. so.. i need to get my ass doing things, no matter how long my day was, or how tired i am.. and go and take advantage of the free classes/reviews the school gives you. i'm going to dedicate myself to this more than anything else i know. i have this bad habit to not commit myself fully to something and then have this attitude of "whatever" but honestly, i'm not like that. i want to succeed and i want to prevail. and i don't know how many times i've said this to myself, but i don't care. this time i'm going to stick to it. this is my craft. this is my profession. and if i want to make it.. then i need to work my ass off.
and that's exactly what im going to do.
no more complaining.
no more "i'm too tired" to go to blah blah blah.

this is my time to shine and i know i'm talented and so do my teachers, but to be talented isn't enough. to be someone real and that is 100% dedicated is what people want.
and i'm going to be that.
i know i'm going to be that person.

i'm ready.

i had my musical theatre conference today about my midterm yesterday && my overrall work and what i want to accomplish and yadda yadda. it actually went really well. the head of the department said i have an amazing/beautiful voice and her and my musical theatre teacher stephanie think i'm definately castable and cute and perky and i'll get work and stuff. so that was like "yay". elaine (the head) said i'm not happy though.. and in the song i sang.. happiness is key. but stephanie said i just need more.. but she did credit me for doing my verbs and doing the most actions she has seen me done yet. she told me i really have done well, especially since she knew the song was hard for me because i'm like.. bad at being happy haha. but she said she's been seeing the wheels turning and somethings definately beginning to click and stuff. so yeah. and we have a musicals project, where we have to pick 12 songs for ourselves.. and she circled 3 that i'd be casted as right now, but the other 9 she said i could definately do. and i said to her will i always play 12 years old like parts from charlie brown and into the woods and she said no. and she said ill love next semester because there's a lot for me there. and i was like, well, that worries me because it's older stuff, and like.. am i right for anything thats right now. and she said i could do wicked, i could do spelling bee, i could do hairspray. so of course, that made me like ahh yayyyyyyyyy.
but she also said, although i have a great voice and im a funny person, i need to learn how to commit myself body & soul to a song, or i won't get hired. but she knows, that if i learn how to do this.. i'll be casted and successful. and i knew this already but it was good to hear someone else say it to me. so yeah, now that's my goal. to get there. to commit myself to something like no other. and to really learn how to let a song move me and become a part of me. not even just a song. but a part as well. i just need to learn how to be flexible and get into things more. like, i need to learn how to really let myself go into a role. and then i'll get work. and i know i can do this. i know this is what i want. so thats what im going to do. but she believes in me and wants to see me get this little problem gone & taken care of, because she knows i can do this.

i'm ready to commit myself.
no matter what it takes.

and now im going to watch tv or go to bed or something. whatever happens happens.
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