...the kat hisses
i had a hissy fit today. it was so stupid well ok i mean not stupid but the reason i couldnt contain myself was stupid. i swear my insecurites are going to eat me alive. (bangs forhead and internally screams "stupid" you'll see why)
during P.E when we were running the water just flowed out of my body...and onto my cheeks and hands. i couldnt stop myself i should have just had it out right there. im always saying (haha well not always)oh yeah crying is ok theres nothing wrong with that. im a hypocrite we all are. fuck. so a few people were asking what was wrong and i would just shake my head cuz i was way to embarrased so tell anyone. so we were running outside and i made it a point to run in isolation so no one would notice me...crying or putting my palm to my forehead or stuff of the sorts. then ash asked if i was ok and i told him with the straightest face i could produce that yeah i was fine i was going to be ok and it was so hard i practically had to squek the words out without falling to my knees. see it was all for something that was fixed with one sentence
"dont worry she would never do that"(
(later i told ash what was wrong and yeah he fixed it for me)
if i havent given it away by now then i cant possibly be any more obvious. and that was that as soon as ash said that i was fine i felt stupid (yet another emotion to distrupt me)
im jealous thats it and its stupid well this was stupid cuz i didnt have anything to go on nothing i had seen just something i had felt and then turned into something it WASN'T.
thanks Ashkan you'll never truly know how much those simple words meant to me.
see all stupid all cuz im insecure all cuz....well just "cuz"
love,
funkeh monkeh
during P.E when we were running the water just flowed out of my body...and onto my cheeks and hands. i couldnt stop myself i should have just had it out right there. im always saying (haha well not always)oh yeah crying is ok theres nothing wrong with that. im a hypocrite we all are. fuck. so a few people were asking what was wrong and i would just shake my head cuz i was way to embarrased so tell anyone. so we were running outside and i made it a point to run in isolation so no one would notice me...crying or putting my palm to my forehead or stuff of the sorts. then ash asked if i was ok and i told him with the straightest face i could produce that yeah i was fine i was going to be ok and it was so hard i practically had to squek the words out without falling to my knees. see it was all for something that was fixed with one sentence
"dont worry she would never do that"(
(later i told ash what was wrong and yeah he fixed it for me)
if i havent given it away by now then i cant possibly be any more obvious. and that was that as soon as ash said that i was fine i felt stupid (yet another emotion to distrupt me)
im jealous thats it and its stupid well this was stupid cuz i didnt have anything to go on nothing i had seen just something i had felt and then turned into something it WASN'T.
thanks Ashkan you'll never truly know how much those simple words meant to me.
see all stupid all cuz im insecure all cuz....well just "cuz"
love,
funkeh monkeh