Emo post- Take 1
I need to come home... home to EL... I am stuck in a perpertual state of wanting to be where I am not.
God and I are fighting. At the end of last summer he had me convinced.. I bought that if I walked in his ways and sought his face he would grow me into the kind of person he wants me to be. Then I had a pretty good semester followed by a semi-horrible/emotional one.
All I wanted was to get back to camp, back to the place where we applaud the weird kids and God speaks.
It's been two weeks... and I don't want to be here. I can't quite get used to being the "plain one" in the group of pretty girls. The one who isn't treated like they're special, who isn't flirted with, who isn't made time for, and as stupid as this is going to sound, I'm mad at God about it. It's like I just keep yelling "You were supposed to make me right, you were supposed to make me fit, you were supposed to make me pretty!" And God is too busy directing everyone else's life to perfection to notice that I've been left alone, time and time again.
I don't care. Or I pretend not to care really well.
Some day I want to be the leading lady, because everyone walks all over the best friend.
God and I are fighting. At the end of last summer he had me convinced.. I bought that if I walked in his ways and sought his face he would grow me into the kind of person he wants me to be. Then I had a pretty good semester followed by a semi-horrible/emotional one.
All I wanted was to get back to camp, back to the place where we applaud the weird kids and God speaks.
It's been two weeks... and I don't want to be here. I can't quite get used to being the "plain one" in the group of pretty girls. The one who isn't treated like they're special, who isn't flirted with, who isn't made time for, and as stupid as this is going to sound, I'm mad at God about it. It's like I just keep yelling "You were supposed to make me right, you were supposed to make me fit, you were supposed to make me pretty!" And God is too busy directing everyone else's life to perfection to notice that I've been left alone, time and time again.
I don't care. Or I pretend not to care really well.
Some day I want to be the leading lady, because everyone walks all over the best friend.