(no subject)
I want to cry for the first time since I got dumped.
I was out with some of my oldest friends tonight, and I guess I got caught unawares by time. I know that everyone of us is growing up, I just guess I didn't know what that meant until now. I just sorta thought we all thought alike, smoking = bad, sex = wait, all those innocent and idealistic thoughts from my youth. I know kids smoke, everyone at WVU does, I just thought we were better than that. I thought we were more mature than to give in to that. But, most of all, I thought it was dirty and wrong and thought everyone else thought that. I'll be the first one to let them, as long as I'm upwind of that shit, because it's their right, but, WHY??!!??
Why can't we still just be good kids? Where did we all decide to throw away innocence and childhood for bigger problems? What's wrong with pick-up sports and frisbee and catch and board games? Why are you shoplifting instead of paying for fucking pencils? You are a Northern Virginian, you can afford pencils! You're not badass or cool because you stole a few pencils, you're just another misguided idiot who I can't bring myself to cast into their lot. But no, we're not 10 anymore. We aren't all good children as we were raised to be.
Why can't we still be young and innocent and who we were? I'm scared of who I am allowing myself to become. I'm scared to admit to myself I'm becoming a Man, scared to drink because I like it and I don't want to admit that to myself, scared to get a girl because I am happy being a virgin, and yet, and yet, all I want to do is get in a fight, like a real, knock-down, drag-out fight. I'm becoming what I hate, and I hate myself for it.
I was out with some of my oldest friends tonight, and I guess I got caught unawares by time. I know that everyone of us is growing up, I just guess I didn't know what that meant until now. I just sorta thought we all thought alike, smoking = bad, sex = wait, all those innocent and idealistic thoughts from my youth. I know kids smoke, everyone at WVU does, I just thought we were better than that. I thought we were more mature than to give in to that. But, most of all, I thought it was dirty and wrong and thought everyone else thought that. I'll be the first one to let them, as long as I'm upwind of that shit, because it's their right, but, WHY??!!??
Why can't we still just be good kids? Where did we all decide to throw away innocence and childhood for bigger problems? What's wrong with pick-up sports and frisbee and catch and board games? Why are you shoplifting instead of paying for fucking pencils? You are a Northern Virginian, you can afford pencils! You're not badass or cool because you stole a few pencils, you're just another misguided idiot who I can't bring myself to cast into their lot. But no, we're not 10 anymore. We aren't all good children as we were raised to be.
Why can't we still be young and innocent and who we were? I'm scared of who I am allowing myself to become. I'm scared to admit to myself I'm becoming a Man, scared to drink because I like it and I don't want to admit that to myself, scared to get a girl because I am happy being a virgin, and yet, and yet, all I want to do is get in a fight, like a real, knock-down, drag-out fight. I'm becoming what I hate, and I hate myself for it.