The Hamlet Mood Returns...Now Where'd I Put Yorick's Skull...?
Life. I was warned by my cousin that this would happen. I feel as if I’m losing myself, or this new self that I fashioned only as recently as last year. I don’t know what to do anymore. I used to, once. But that was so long ago. I was innocent and content. I lived in my own little world, a utopia of some sort. A fable. A myth. A disaster waiting to happen. And then my world shattered in the blink of an eye. I’ve long ago given up on trying to pick up the pieces, having discovered only too recently how the frail shards of my past do not like to be disturbed. They slice into my hands as I attempt to latch onto them, hold onto this image, this mold which I have set - forced, rather - upon myself. Maybe I was never meant to be who I am. I try to force myself into a mold where my emotions are in check, where I am only nice and my anger never rages, where I can protect my friends from all harm - only to fail that and realize I cannot do what I want. My anger enjoys trying to consume me, raging to the point where I cannot contain it. The Hamlet mood that I reach rarely these days is the only time in which I can truly think. My mind is not hampered by my anger, only by my realism to this world and society. People are ignorant. It disgusts me to how stupid people are, how humanity has fallen so far from a pedestool of greatness. Greed is leading to the destruction of our planet, of our world, and there is no one powerful enough to stop it. It disgusts me. Humanity will manage to destroy itself, and my children will have to grow up in such a world. Ignorance is bliss, they say. Most people are ignorant. I am one of the few that understands the reality of this world. I find is disturbing that out of all the people on this planet, someone such as myself would have their eyes opened, have the ability to truly understand humanity in all its decadence and disgust. Their destructive nature is that of a parasite, where innocence is replaced with greed, knowledge with ignorance, and intelligence with silence. All of the intelligent people are either dead, locked up, or do not have the power to speak. We are ruled by puppets, whose strings are pulled by men full of corruption and greed. Life is pointless. The only way to not lose my sanity is by wearing the symbols of who I am, and what I believe in. My Hamlet necklace, soon my silver earrings, and not too long after that, the same tattoo that Lost wears. I want to be a writer, to break the silence like Hamlet did, but I don’t know if I have the strength to stand up to a society rank with corruption and ignorance. I may not know what I’m doing now, but I know what I want to do in the future, and that’s all that matters.